Boring husband

[idontlikealdi]

We're on holiday, UK. Weather is shite. He goes to bed when the kids do at 2130/2200, sleeps until 0900. Kids get up at 0730, I get up and supervise their breakfast making.

I want to stay up after the kids sleep, have a chat, a drink, play cards or something, any kind of engagement. Nothing.

He's 42 and just SO BORING. I'm watching shite on tv as there is nothing else to do.

Anyone come back from this?

Has he always been like this or is it new behaviour?

What does he say when you ask if he wants to stay up and play a game? Does he say he's tired? Relationships are about give and take. He must know you want to stay up and do something and so going to bed early every night will add strain to the relationship.

I'll say again, have you actually talked to him about it? Actually said, 'once the kids are in bed that'd be a great time to have our time?' - not just on holiday but at any point whatsoever?

If you don't talk to him then with the best will in the world he's not a mind reader. Talk to him!!

OP, just get up in the morning and tell him you want to go home. If he asks why tell him. And arrange the next holiday with your family or friends without him x

How's things at home are you bored there?

@Aquamarine1029

Have you actually used your words and told him what you need?

Have you actually considered that you are talking to another adult here?

OP, it sounds dull AF. He’s getting / needing a lot of sleep though. It’s a bit different to him sitting up awake on his phone and ignoring you etc. Perhaps he’s genuinely knackered and needs his thyroid checking as that really can make you lack the energy to even have a conversation.

Does he work really hard when not on holiday? Perhaps for him the holiday is about much-needed rest. Maybe he’s silently sad that you don my come to bed with home earlier?

You need to have a very open and honest conversation. Was he a stay up late type when you were younger?

*Don’t come to bed with him earlier.

The lazing about until 9 am when you are up at 7.30 is a bit off. But do 11 year-olds really need someone to get up early with them?

Exactly the same as you, OP.

Mine sleeps 8-9pm and wakes 5-6am, holiday or not. Sometimes works on holiday. Mostly he is asleep before my 7 year old. I've asked him to get checked out as I think it's some kind of sleep apnea (very poor quality sleep) but he likes it and frankly, we lunch sometimes and he doesn't have much to say.

Maybe we put our DHs together and stay up to have wine and chat?

Mine used to be exactly the same. I used to want to have fun. As the kids got older when we went abroad he would usually want to go back to the room early and I’d be sitting watching the shite shows that are only fun if you’ve got another grown up to slag them off with.
We separated for many reasons and since we did he seems to have done what I always encouraged him to do which is find interests and bloody well go out!
We’re trying again as I do really love him.

I don’t think your situation is that unusual but it’s up to you whether it’s acceptable or not.

Think OP's gone to bed.

I've only witnessed DH stay up past his bedtime a few times (wedding, party). He is not good company.

I've grown to accept it because he has many redeeming qualities, good dad when awake, and I love him. I married him knowing he is dull but yes it can be quite lonely.

@Manycupsoftea

Why would you marry someone you find dull?!

Yip my DH is like this all the time not just while in holidays Washed and into bed as soon as our kids go to bed. He's normally in bed before 9pm every Saturday night. I'm a night owl. No social life even pre Covid, n fun, no communication.

He's funny, loving and kind when not sleepy! No drama

I’m like your partner. I’m exhausted and naturally fall asleep at 9pm when the kids go to bed. We do things alone together a couple of times a week during the day.

If the kids are 11 then why do either of you need to get up with them?

No advice, my DH is the same - not just on holiday but every single day now. He's graduated from being dull to plain and straight existing in separate rooms even after DC gone to bed. He has no interest in talking to me or doing anything together. It's gone from no joy in the marriage to a blanking match. It makes for a dull and miserable existence. I am planning to leave him soon.

Op are you okay?