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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hurtful message from 10 years ago.

27 replies

Lairi · 30/07/2021 21:38

I know I'm being massively unreasonable here.

I'm now 25 and around 10 years ago (when I was about 16) I had my very first relationships which lasted about 2 months.
But obviously being first relationship, it felt like a long time at the time. The boy was the one who dumped me.

Anyway, 10 years later and I've had various boyfriends but been with my current boyfriend for 2 happy years :)

I saw this site online about how to access.message requests so thought I'd see mine, by doing this I came across an option to see 'Archive messages'.

I had a lot and went through some of them and they brought back some funny, happy memories over the past 10 years.

That was until I got to the bottom and there was a message from a friend of the boy who dumped me when I was 16

I remember reading this message when I was 16 and being absolutely devastated and self-conscious and, weirdly those feelings have come rushing back now at 25 reading the message again.

(I'll refer to my 16 year old boyfriend as Jack).The message says something along the lines of

"Hi Lairi,
Weird we have the same last name and I really hope I'm not related to you because Jack says you smell of sweat and other various unpleasant smells. He also says your clit is bigger than normal. Don't know why he told me this but I thought I should tell you so you can sort it out. Best hopes for the future. Kind regards.'

And that was it. Bear in mind I never even knew who this guy was, always presumed he was a friend of Jack.
I remember my 16 year old self crying my eyes out over this message and for some reason it's really hit me again.
I know it's weird but is it normal that the message has made my 25 year old self conscious despite it being 10 years ago and I haven't even seen Jack since then? And never even met this boy who sent it?

OP posts:

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 30/07/2021 21:43

I guess it's not really that weird that it would have some effect on you, as it obviously deeply upset you at the time, but come on OP, you're a grown up now. Delete it, forget it, and move on!

Original poster

Lairi · 30/07/2021 21:45

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard I think it's the fact the message has just brought back a bit of insecurities such as the way I smell.

OP posts:

nicecheesegromit · 30/07/2021 21:46

Teenagers are horrible to each other. You've got to put it down to that. And really move on .... it's completely meaningless in your current life.

Veryverycalmnow · 30/07/2021 21:46

What a prick. I wonder if he's sorted his vile personality out?

MotionActivatedDog · 30/07/2021 21:47

What a vile wee turd he is!!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 30/07/2021 21:49

That is grim. Little creeps like that aren't worth the headspace. I hope that person has done some serious growing up.

Also I don't think Jack should flatter himself that he even found your clit. He was probably looking at something else. Teenage boys who brag about sex to their mates are universally and Uniformally making up for the fact that they are dire between the sheets.

Veryverycalmnow · 30/07/2021 21:49

Teenage insecurities are the worst and I'm not surprised that this has brought you a bit of pain. I imagine most people have experiences and messages when they're younger that they block out as adults, but this message has randomly come back to you and it's ok to be a bit taken aback.

Penistoe · 30/07/2021 21:50

I would find this message hilariously childish and silly. Your clit is bigger than normal is like something from a Catherine Tate sketch.

Teenagers have a way of cutting each other deeply, but it’s all bollocks and you are an adult now. I doubt the boy even remembers and hopefully would be mortified.

Original poster

Lairi · 30/07/2021 21:51

Yes I'm not devastated like crying my eyes out, but just a bit of an "ouch" moment. I can't believe someone can be so mean about someone's body; also shocked the boy would even tell his friends but suppose I shouldn't be surprised by that.
I am over it but I just remember it so well and then when I got my first proper long-term boyfriend, I remember not wanting him to go down on me.

I've accepted myself as I am now but boy do words hurt sometimes!

OP posts:

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 30/07/2021 21:53

Perhaps it's a fake account Jack made to send you that message. Don't pay any attention to it. You've left Jack behind and are happy now.

ColouringPencils · 30/07/2021 22:01

I don't think it's strange it has affected you. I still remember some horrible comments from my teens, it's such a vulnerable time and other people's impressions of you count for a lot. Teenagers can be horrible. Obviously from the outside we can see he's not only a twat, but also jealous and determined to make you feel worse than he does. I was unlucky enough to be slightly larger with bigger boobs than other girls (ie size 12), which made boys call me a slag, fat, a fat slag...
One of my worst comments from that time came from someone who later told me he fancied me the whole time and didn't know how to say so. Er, I don't think so!

Original poster

Lairi · 30/07/2021 22:05

@ColouringPencils I think that's why it hurts. No other man has commented on my smell or anything but if someone did now, I probably would think whatever.

But being 16 which is such a hormonal age and of course our body's are still changing, it really affected me. I genuinely believed I was abnormal for years until I finally got my first long-term boyfriend and realised that actually, most men don't care.

Sorry you went through all that aswell, I don't think people realise how much words can stay with people and when it comes to esteem it's not always easy to just get over!

OP posts:

Regularsizedrudy · 30/07/2021 22:14

I can see why that would be upsetting as a teen but try to view it with adult eyes now. Why would someone write that message? Because you actually smelt and have a “bigger than normal clit” (wtf? That is just so weird btw, like a teenage boy knows anything about female anatomy - that in Itself is laughable) Of course not! It’s the ramblings of an insecure little boy who probably fancied you! They wanted to make you feel bad because they were jealous of you and your relationship.

Franklyfrost · 30/07/2021 22:22

That’s a horrible message to receive. Obviously the judgment of whoever wrote it is not to be trusted- what sort of an idiot would send a message like that?! I can see why you’re rattled, give it some time and think it over (using your grown up perspective- maybe you need to think about it as a grown up notes an injured teen) and hopefully you’ll feel better. Otherwise, get making a voodoo doll.

Etceteraaah · 30/07/2021 22:25

It's weird how things that happened so long ago can still affect us now, OP.

When I was around 13 (about 27 years ago) the boy I was "going out" with stood silently whilst his friends all laughed at me and called me a "flat chested bitch". Then every time they saw me they would refer to me as "FCB". This went on for years. Whenever I think of those days I feel sad, not because I care about those dicks and their opinions of me, but because I remember how awful it made me feel at the time. And how it made me try and seek their attention.

Meraas · 30/07/2021 22:27

What a cunt. I’d be tempted to reply now saying ‘better a big clit than your micro-dick.’

Mum6457 · 30/07/2021 22:27

Agree with Regular. It's a random comment to try and run you down. It bears no resemblance to you. It's the ramblings of a boy who couldn't attract a girlfriend himself.

keeping2chevronsapart · 30/07/2021 22:30

@Meraas

What a cunt. I’d be tempted to reply now saying ‘better a big clit than your micro-dick.’

Me too. I'd be finding him on social media and letting all his friends and family see it

Titsywoo · 30/07/2021 22:38

When I was 14 I met a boy at a school disco (I was at girls school and he was at a local boys school so we did mixed discos once a year). Danced all evening and that was that. Saw him a week later at youth club and he got on the microphone and shouted to everyone how ugly I was (I was not!) which was incredibly upsetting and embarrassing to an insecure teenage girl. I actually wrote him a letter to say how much he had upset and embarrassed me and got a male friend to give it to him. Was then told he had apparently used my letter to wipe his arse after a crap . Anyway thought fuck him and left it at that. Saw him 5 years later when we both got jobs at a local supermarket. He did have the decency to come up and apologise for being a horrible dick.

Moral of the story - teens can be twats and it tends to be about them and their insecurities and not you. Don't take it to heart.

Also nothing wrong with a big clitoris

AintPageantMaterial · 30/07/2021 22:41

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to still feel a bit upset by this.
Honestly though how experienced with clits do you really think ‘Jack’ was? Could he really have had an educated view on their relative sizes? How many clitoris’s do you think he’d ever met? It’s a nasty message but it has no basis in fact.

Mum6457 · 30/07/2021 23:04

I think we all probably have a similar story. You get a confidence at some age that makes you realise he was just talking crap.

Meirou90 · 30/07/2021 23:04

You’re old enough to buy as money deodorants and perfumes as you want now, so sweat comment is irrelevant in the present.

2.I wonder how many clits the then 16 year old had seen to compare yours too, it’s utter nonsense. Plus even if it is big that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Sounds like a jealous girl/competitor composed that message anyway.

billy1966 · 30/07/2021 23:38

That is a truly foul message to receive at any age.

What a little turd is correct, writing rubbish.

Birkie248 · 30/07/2021 23:43

It wil have been utter bolleaux, as a 16 year old he would have had no idea of how big or small a clit ‘should’ be.
I remember a couple of my teenage boyfriends being being absolute twats when we broke up.

LimeRedBanana · 30/07/2021 23:54

What a sad little specimen he is.

Can you imagine how little he had going on in his life to look up the ex-girlfriend of his friend - not even his ex-girlfriend - and send her a horrible message? What is any of it to him?!

That is next level pathetic - you should feel sorry for him that he’s such an unmitigated loser.

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