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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can a Dad be like this?

25 replies

LargeGlassofRed · 30/07/2021 20:32

Background dd2 doesn't see her dad very often she's 17 now, he rarely texts or messages her and when he has its to talk about himself.
Did has been having some quite serious health concerns, so for the first time in years I texted and said I was concerned about DD and really think he should know what investigations she's having and what they're thinking it's is.
He relayed with ' oh I've hurt my back today and it's really painful and I feel a bit spaced out so I'll see if I feel up to it tomorrow.
am I unreasonable to thing he's a selfish b**D !

OP posts:

BuffaloCauliflower · 30/07/2021 20:34

He’s a ridiculously poor excuse for a man and should be ashamed of himself

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 20:35

Has he taken strong painkillers? If so then I kind of get his point but if not then he's a knob.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/07/2021 20:38

Just reply "Don't bother" and then ignore him.

Self centred gobshite!

daphnedoo12 · 30/07/2021 20:39

YoungWerther · 30/07/2021 20:40

Well, you knew what he was like. It's hardly a surprise is it?

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 20:40

Dads can be like anything. Don't waste your time wondering how. He is what he is.

justthecat · 30/07/2021 20:42

It would be the last communication with him either of you should have

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/07/2021 20:44

I know you meant well but your DD has a right to privacy concerning her health and I'd think an absent "father" has no need to know if she hasn't told him.

Sorry he is such an arsehole though.

Original poster

LargeGlassofRed · 30/07/2021 20:44

Thanks for the replies I'm just so gutted for her she deserves so much better :(

OP posts:

Laiste · 30/07/2021 20:45

My XH is the same.

Rarely texts his 3 daughters. Never rings. Couldn't be bothered to lift a finger to see them or help them.

He saw them born. Normal household. We all lived together till they were 8, 10 and 12 and then divorced. Girls came with me. He was a pathetic bloke who was more interested in his hobbies than me or the kids for the whole marriage but i wasn't expecting his total lack of interest in his daughters once we split up. Even if it was just to spite me and make life awkward for me i thought he'd have his 50%, but no! Zero effort. Made life easier for me. To be brutally honest i didn't want to share them and it's like he never existed ...

DDs in their 20s now and if they talk about him at all it's to laugh at him and find him a sad bastard.

They reap what they sow in the end OP, men like that.
It's his loss.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 30/07/2021 20:49

I wouldn't even dignify him with a reply. Fucking knob. He's the sort who'll moan in later life that his kids don't bother with him.

I never had a single conversation with my biological father after my 9th birthday, and the bastard still had the audacity to boast to his mates in the pub when I graduated from Uni (first in my family to go).

File it under "expected response" and move on. Your DD has you, and she'll do fine.

Wantingtogetitright · 30/07/2021 20:50

Honestly I would never speak to him again. Just don’t.

silverbubbles · 30/07/2021 20:51

She deserves better but really you should have known. What's the point? I have a father like this. Exactly like @Laiste says - they reap what they sow.

Of course you will always live in hope but maybe there are better people you can talk to

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 20:51

@TimeForTeaAndG

I know you meant well but your DD has a right to privacy concerning her health and I'd think an absent "father" has no need to know if she hasn't told him.

Sorry he is such an arsehole though.

That's a good point. Did DD want you to contact him?

MulberrySquash · 30/07/2021 20:55

My ex is like this. I stopped taking the kids to see him every weekend and now he hasn't seen them in 2 years. There's more to the story but safe to say he's a waste of fucking space.

blahblahblah321 · 30/07/2021 20:57

It's tough isn't it, DS isn't going through medical problems but is also 17 and barely sees his Dad now - he's just never been that committed to him. I feel sad about it, DS has never been able to compare to his other children, and DS deserves so much better

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2021 20:58

I would be sending him one final text telling him how pathetic he is and then I would block him.

justthecat · 30/07/2021 21:03

Of course she deserves better which is why she has you to dwindle him out of her life 💐

IS0D0RA · 30/07/2021 21:04

I agree that you should never contact him again.

Original poster

LargeGlassofRed · 30/07/2021 21:09

Clickychicky dd had asked me to tell him as she didn't want to do it herself as she didn't want to be let down by his response.
You see he's the sort that if he did find out from one of the other dc's that I hadn't told him would kick up a huge fuss about it.

OP posts:

GrandmasCat · 30/07/2021 21:13

We had it all the time with my ex, until DS, then 9, decided to announce, in a loud voice in the middle of the hospital ward that he was divorced from his dad and that there was no point to him as he would not call back.

Assuming my ex is dead has done wonders for us, we don’t expect anything so we are not getting disappointed all the time. I’m sure, you know deep down, that having him around during crisis times will only make things much worse (as you can see from his response).

Laiste · 30/07/2021 21:13

Let him kick up fusses. Prat! (him obvs)
What can he do when the kids are old enough to see him for what he is?
Nothing except stamp his feet.

I just do not understand how someone who saw a child born - their own flesh and blood - saw them grow, saw them speak their first words, call them daddy, their first day at school, ect. can then be content to suddenly have nothing to do with them

If the situation in my case had been reversed and the DCs had gone to live with their dad when we divorced i'd have been ringing them every night to say goodnight. Wanting to see them during the week for meals to hear about all the little details of their day. Having a room for them at my home. Wanting weekends and holidays with them.

He didn't bother with any of that. He doesn't even know eldest DD is buying her first house with her BF and has been living in it with him now for 6 months. He doesn't even know the BF's name!!

The subject of weather she'd invite him to any future wedding has floated around this last year or so. I told her not to feel obliged. She said she didn't feel at all obliged since, apart from anything else, he didn't invite her or her sisters to HIS wedding when he remarried a few years ago.

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 21:16

@LargeGlassofRed

Clickychicky dd had asked me to tell him as she didn't want to do it herself as she didn't want to be let down by his response. You see he's the sort that if he did find out from one of the other dc's that I hadn't told him would kick up a huge fuss about it.

That's so sad she was worried about being let down.

TheWeeDonkey · 30/07/2021 21:27

They reap what they sow in the end OP, men like that.
It's his loss.

So true

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 21:32

YANBU!! What an absolute selfish twat!! I hope he never has a problem that no one gives a shit about!

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