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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is weird right?

25 replies

PumpkinKlNG · 29/07/2021 23:21

Last year I needed my garden done so I looked for a gardener on Facebook, not the best place to find someone! But I don’t know anyone who uses a gardener and everyone I know just does their own so no way to get a recommendation, anyway I put up a post and a guy messages me (I had loads of messages but some were ridiculous 500 to trim a hedge 😬) so went with one particular guy who seemed reasonable. Anyway he was asking a lot of questions but nothing weird so didn’t think much of it. On the day he arrived he told me where he had travelled from which would have taken about 1 and a half hours to travel to me, of course I was assuming he was a local man! It was a long way to travel and didn’t seem worth it for the money especially as he wasn’t driving and he also came with a friend. Anyway he did the garden and we chatted for a bit and then he left (again about nothing weird he just mentioned he had just started up etc) anyway that was one year ago! Since then he has been messaging me constantly, I’ve been ignoring but he just doesn’t give up, I’ve literally never responded to him since we arranged the garden work to be done, but every now and then I will get a message from him. Anyway a few days ago he messaged me saying “hey pumpkin” I didn’t respond, today he messaged me telling me his dad has died?! This is weird right? I haven’t blocked him as I wanted to keep a record just incase he turned up as he is really acting strange!

OP posts:
MrsTulipTattsyrup · 29/07/2021 23:24

Did you post about this at the time? The guy even came on public transport the first time?

If so, why on earth haven’t you blocked his number by now? It’s ridiculous to have allowed him to carry in invading your privacy like this.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 29/07/2021 23:25

You could screenshot all the messages and keep them that way.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/07/2021 23:26

I'd reply and say if he contacts you again in any form you will contact the police. Really bloody creepy!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 23:26

Reply once, and tell him to never contact you again, then block him. Save all of his old messages.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/07/2021 23:26

I'd also block him.

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 29/07/2021 23:27

Yes I thought it would be best to leave him incase he shows up, but the dad dying story is really weird now I’m feeling creeped out, it’s been going on for a year 😐

OP posts:
Toseland · 29/07/2021 23:28

I don’t like weird blokes like this knowing my address. Tell people you know, inform your neighbours just in case.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 23:30

@PumpkinKlNG

Yes I thought it would be best to leave him incase he shows up, but the dad dying story is really weird now I’m feeling creeped out, it’s been going on for a year 😐
For the future, you should never have allowed something like this to go on for so long. You should have blocked him months and months ago.
Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 29/07/2021 23:32

But I haven’t responded at all, people normally say keep these things open so you have proof if they ever turn up??

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 29/07/2021 23:34

The message from earlier, I just screen shot it, haven’t read it.

This is weird right?
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 23:35

@PumpkinKlNG

But I haven’t responded at all, people normally say keep these things open so you have proof if they ever turn up??
Call the police for advice if you wish, perhaps they can intervene and tell him to bugger off. Either way, this needs to end.
HalzTangz · 29/07/2021 23:40

@PumpkinKlNG

But I haven’t responded at all, people normally say keep these things open so you have proof if they ever turn up??
Just print it off then you have proof. Block him
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/07/2021 23:55

If you block someone do they k ow they've been blocked when they send a message?

Wineat5isfine · 30/07/2021 00:00

Sounds like a pity reach out (assuming it’s true!)

Screenshot everything and block.

LtDansleg · 30/07/2021 00:04

Just block him??

bluebell34567 · 30/07/2021 00:10

If you block someone do they k ow they've been blocked when they send a message?

i wonder that, too.

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 00:22

Yes that’s what I thought, I feel like he’s guilt tripping me into responding so now I feel even worst blocking him if it is true 😣 but I guess that is his aim!

OP posts:
Blackhawkdown2020 · 30/07/2021 04:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

5475878237NC · 30/07/2021 04:41

Yes that's what he's doing; hoping this will make you reply out of pity.

FortunesFave · 30/07/2021 04:59

What other things does he say? It's not things like "How's your garden looking?" is it? Because that could be a bad attempt at social media advertising...maybe he does this with all his clients in an effort to get more work?

HeartvsBrain · 30/07/2021 05:00

As I also don't know if someone knows if they have been blocked, and because he knows your address, I would actually go against the grain here, and respond to him saying something like
"I am so sorry to hear that your father has died, please get bereavement counselling if you need it.
I have a fiancé, now, that although he isn't a Gardner (he is in a trade that needs a lot of digging and carrying heavy objects) he helps me with any of my awkward jobs in the house and garden. Therefore I no longer need to employ any trademens, so I am now blocking your number".
I would then still contact the non-emergency police number, and, and send them screenshots of all of his messages. Hopefully they will do a quick data check to see if he has ever been on the police radar, and whether or not he has, they will have a little dossier on him incase he does ever turn up on your doorstep!
💐

MumInBrussels · 30/07/2021 05:02

@PumpkinKlNG I don't know what you can do to stop him, but please don't feel at all guilty about ignoring his messages. You're not his friend, you hired him to do a job a year ago. He has friends (and if he doesn't, also not your problem), he probably has family, if he needs to, he can access professional help in dealing with his father's death or any other issues. None of those is your responsibility. It is beyond inappropriate for anyone to continually message a former client like this, and that total failure to understand appropriate boundaries is what might prompt me to ask for police advice, in the circumstances. I wish you all the best in finding a way to deal with this, it must be so stressful for you!

TheNestedIf · 30/07/2021 05:28

One message. "Stop contacting me."

You don't need to feel guilty. You employed him, he's not a friend. If you feel nervous, get a ring doorbell or cctv.

If he keeps it up after that, you have a clear line in the sand that he is harassing you. You can then take it to the police.

knittingaddict · 30/07/2021 05:30

@PumpkinKlNG

But I haven’t responded at all, people normally say keep these things open so you have proof if they ever turn up??
No they don't. Literally never heard anyone say that apart from you on this thread and another similar thread a while back.

A family member has been a victim of online stalking and police were involved. The advice is always to block. Anything else looks like encouragement and that you're enjoying the attention a bit too much. You lose credibility if you leave the lines of communication open.

knittingaddict · 30/07/2021 05:32

Oh and I'm sure you've posted about this before. I'm also sure you were told to block at the time.

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