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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To LTB ( trying to decide if light hearted or not)

18 replies

MsRosewater · 29/07/2021 21:39

Earlier this evening DH calls me to come upstairs to sort something in the bathroom (rubbish that missed the bin- annoying I know . Totally my fault and ok for him not to clean up after me. And so as not to drip feed he does 85% domestic stuff as He is SAH-dad to DD and I work a 60 hr week)

As I stood up I thwacked my temple on a shelf- it bloody hurt and I have a lovely bruise to show for it. Rather than demonstrating any sympathy he comments along the lines of 'well if you'd sorted it first time' to which I said fuck off that's a dick comment. I've now had the silent treatment all night ..and I know he will not apologise as he never does as clearly it serves me right for being a slob!

So do I LTB ( he is currently in bed next exhaling loudly and dramatically Hmm)

OP posts:
ScottishNewbie · 29/07/2021 21:48

I would lose my shit. What a massive lack of empathy.
Also, would it have killed him to just chuck the rubbish in the bin? Literally calling you upstairs?
I know you said it was lighthearted.....but I would be having some serious communication about whether he has any hidden resentment or something towards you.

Peace43 · 29/07/2021 21:48

Yes, sulking is a totally unattractive trait

suspiria777 · 29/07/2021 21:56

It's utterly fucking bizarre to me that someone would attempt to throw an item, especially a bathroom item, into a bin, miss, and then just walk off.
Was it a tampon/pad? Your pointed lack of specificity about what it was coupled with your partner's unwillingness to just put it in the bin himself (although to be clear I don't think he should have clean up after you) strongly suggests it was something of that nature.

Aimee1987 · 29/07/2021 22:00

I'm going to look at this from another way. In my house I work part time and DP full time. I end up doing more housework and childcare. Even when I was working full time I still picked up more of the slack. This caused massive resentment and I'm not going to lie when he got kicked in the balls by our toddler and lay on the floor in pain my first thought was so much for me getting a break and he got no sympathy from me.
The resentment that I was feeling nearly ended our relationship. Not long after that I had a very serious conversation, things change or I'm gone. I will say he was never anywhere near as bad as the man children described on here but still not a full equal and he has stepped up now.
It depends how much you want to save the relationship. I think @scottishnewbie hit the nail on head with resentment.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 22:01

Everything about this entire scenario is bad.

Original poster
MsRosewater · 29/07/2021 22:01

Nothing that grim-an interdental brush. And I have no problem with it being pointed out to sort- as I said in the op. My issue is with the lack of empathy

OP posts:
TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 29/07/2021 22:07

Maybe he's just tired or fed up today.

I can be a bit like that sometimes. I'm single though so nobody needs to be on the receiving end of it 😂 but I'll be honest I've done it on the odd occasion in a relationship. Ex once fell over his own boots he had left in the corridor and hit his head on the radiator and I just said "I've told you time and time again not to leave them there! " 😳

Original poster
MsRosewater · 29/07/2021 22:07

Also I didn't know I'd missed the bin ( or I would have fixed it) but I can see the resentment point. Time for a heart to heart

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 29/07/2021 22:10

He’s a dick. You hurt yourself.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/07/2021 22:12

Oh my God.

Any normal person would just pick rubbish off the floor and bin it. If you were always leaving mess lying around then the next sensible solution is to pick it up and bin it then have a word about the fact that you keep leaving rubbish lying around and to bloody stop it.

Demanding you come upstairs, pick up an item off the floor, that they are right next to, and bin it is frankly, fucking ridiculous. I wouldnt even do that to my toddle.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/07/2021 22:14

Yeah angry little controlling dick of a man and he doesn’t give a shit you hurt yourself.

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/07/2021 22:16

Calling you back to put it in the bin is something you'd do for child that you were trying to train. It's not appropriate for a partner. His comment just emphasises that. He feels you were justly punished for misbehaviour.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/07/2021 22:20

I can understand if he’s feeling resentful for having to clear up after you and I can understand you being upset about his lack of sympathy. When I’m pissed off at DH for something and he then hurts himself, I find it very hard to switch to being sympathetic. For me, I’m still pissed off.

girlmom21 · 29/07/2021 22:20

Presumably he's sulking because of the way you spoke to him but to be fair he could've just put the rubbish in the bin 🤷‍♀️

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 29/07/2021 22:39

@Aimee1987

I'm going to look at this from another way. In my house I work part time and DP full time. I end up doing more housework and childcare. Even when I was working full time I still picked up more of the slack. This caused massive resentment and I'm not going to lie when he got kicked in the balls by our toddler and lay on the floor in pain my first thought was so much for me getting a break and he got no sympathy from me. The resentment that I was feeling nearly ended our relationship. Not long after that I had a very serious conversation, things change or I'm gone. I will say he was never anywhere near as bad as the man children described on here but still not a full equal and he has stepped up now. It depends how much you want to save the relationship. I think *@scottishnewbie* hit the nail on head with resentment.
This would be my take on it too. Though in our case he didn't step up and our marriage is over.
Cerebelle · 30/07/2021 09:36

Hmm. If I was in his shoes, I would have picked up the rubbish unless you being a slob and him having to pick up after you is a common occurrence. Then both him asking you to come and and lacking sympathy when you hit your head makes perfect sense.

He could be resentful over being taken for granted and treated like a servant or he could be a dick. You will need to examine the existing dynamics of your relationship to work out which.

aliyia84 · 30/07/2021 09:40

What a dick. If I hurt myself like that no matter what the previous discussion had been, my DP would instantly check if I was OK and show empathy. It takes a special type of horrible person to not only ignore that a person is hurt, but to make a shitty sarcastic comment about it, too.

KatherineSiena · 30/07/2021 09:47

All this over a tiny inter dental brush? I could have understood him not picking up a used sanitary item but that’s very petty. The sulking is pathetic and not to check you were OK after whacking your head is pretty unkind. I don’t like the sound of your DH.

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