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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH getting a vasectomy

9 replies

Mommabear20 · 29/07/2021 21:34

DH and I have just welcomed our second DC. Throughout my pregnancy we've agreed that we didn't want any more kids and that DH would get a vasectomy after the birth as he's adamant that he only wants 2 kids, being 1 of 3 and hating growing up being the only boy. I'm now 2 days postpartum and can't get the idea of some day having another baby out of my head.
Aibu to ask him not to get a vasectomy? I know the chances that we will ever be in a situation to financially have another child are slim, but I just don't feel like I'm ready to completely give up on the idea. 😣

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 29/07/2021 21:37

Two days Post partum is not the time to make this decision either way! Just wait. We waited till our second child was 3 so we were 100% sure. It’s best not rushed.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 21:39

I wouldn't say anything right now, but if he is adamant that he wants a vasectomy, you'll have to accept it.

Unanananana · 29/07/2021 21:48

Its his body. The one that doesn't want more trumps the wants of the one that does I'm afraid. Would you want another baby knowing he may resent you and/or the child?

Sounds like he is being very sensible tbh.

ByThePool2021 · 29/07/2021 22:02

Yabu to ask him to wait, in fact I strongly suggest you do talk about how you feel. However if he is adamant that he wants to go ahead ASAP then ywbu to try and stop him.

ByThePool2021 · 29/07/2021 22:02

YANBU to ask him obvs, not yabu. Sorry

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 29/07/2021 22:05

You can ask him, but ultimately it's his body.

Also, it's almost certainly the postpartum hormones making you weird right now. It will wear off.

It's always going to be sad to close the door on more babies, to admit to yourself that that phase of your life is done. But odds are that as this one grows up, you'll start to appreciate being out of the baby stage and be glad he took decisive action.

Original poster
Mommabear20 · 29/07/2021 22:52

Thanks everyone for the perspective!
I know it is likely the hormones and everything talking right now but it all just suddenly feels very final. 😢 After the traumatic birth I've just had it certainly wouldn't be any time soon IF we had another baby but I just don't want to lose that choice now it's come time to go through with it.

OP posts:
TeaAndBrie · 29/07/2021 23:42

My DH had a vasectomy last year. Before the surgeon would do it he spoke to us both and separately about how we felt and the reasons why we had decided for him to have the procedure. I don’t know if this is standard practice but if it is and they could see from speaking with you that you weren’t 100% sure then I doubt they would do it anyway.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/07/2021 23:47

I knew I would be having a c-section with ds2 and also knew that we definitely didn't want more dc so asked if I could be sterilised at the same time. Dr refused on the grounds that it was too big a decision to make whilst pregnant and advice was to leave it until ds2 was 12 months before making final decision.

DH and I had always agreed on stopping at 2 dc, and neither of us changed out mind so dh had a vasectomy when ds2 was year old.

I retrospect, I do understand why the advice is to wait until things settle down after birth, although I was really cross at the time

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