Teen Sleepover

[99redballoon]

My dd has been invited to a sleepover with 3 friends from school. Her confidence is rock bottom and two of the girls have been telling her she’s socially awkward, walks funny, dresses like a white bitch etc etc.

She’s confided in me all the way along, many a night in tears and I’m torn whether to say no, which is what I really want to say, or allow her to see for herself, make her own mistakes so to speak.

It feels like I’m using the information she’s confided in me to stop her and I worry that she will then stop confiding in me.

She says I will make it worse for her if she can’t go and she will feel more left out of the group. She’s very upset with me and desperate to go. She’s 14, just finished year 9.

I would prefer single sleepovers as less chance of nastiness. She is meeting up with and having sleepovers with a friend not from school but I have not arranged anything with these girls for obvious reasons.

Would I be unreasonable to stop her going?

YABU- let her go
YANBU- say no to sleepover

Are the girls at the sleepover the same ones who have been nasty to her? If so I imagine the sleepover will just be more of the same if not worse. Sleepovers bring out a peculiar pack mentality in teen girls.

I would let her go on the understanding that she can call you at any time for you to pick her up.

Yes same two girls that have been nasty and one who is quieter that sometimes laughs along, but doesn’t say anything mean herself and is generally a nice girl.

I totally understand you not wanting her to go and I wouldn’t either but it’s difficult when she’s determined she still wants to be friends with them. As pp said I’d reluctantly let her go with the agreement that you’ll pick her up if she needs you to.

I’d be having regular conversations with her about friendship, self respect and allowing people to treat her badly though. I’d also do my best through the summer to facilitate meet ups, sleepovers and fun days out with other non school friends so that a) she’s less dependent on the mean girls and b) she might realise she prefers to hang out with people who don’t try to make her feel like crap about herself.