To ask him not to say this?

[WayWayDown]

I have one son with my husband and he has two other older children.

I've noticed a couple of times recently when we're all together he'll make comments about preferring it when X and Y are here.

AIBU to ask him to mindful of saying things like that in front of our DC? I totally appreciate a parent will like being with all of their children but I don't want our DC to feel their Dad prefers time when their older siblings are there to time with them and don't think it needs to be said right in front of them.

I don't know if they've picked up on it or not as they are still quite young but I have a few times.

Maybe he could phrase it differently?

“It’s better when A and B are here”
“We/I have more fun when A and B are here.”

Vs.

“It’s a shame A and B aren’t here, they would love this.”
“This particular game is better with more people, A and B would make it more interesting.”

Children often blame themselves for things that aren’t their fault. I can imagine if he said the former, your DC would feel sad that he isn’t enough for his Dad, or that he has to be extra fun or extra good to make up for the other kids not being there.

I think the latter phrases would be OK. They’re less about things being inherently worse without the other kids. They’re quite specific.

I’m trying to think back to what my parents said to me or my brother when I or he was away on school trips. I think they were pretty open about how things were more fun as a whole family, and that they missed the child who was away, while not making the remaining child feel inadequate. They didn’t make a huge deal about it. Just the odd lighthearted comment that opened up the possibility of talking about the missing child if we wanted to.

Thanks I agree. I wouldn't have a problem with the latter at all k think that sounds better and less potential for upset.

He doesn’t need to say that in front of your DC ever. There will never be a need for him to say that.

He can discuss how he feels about it with you when DC is in bed but to say it in front of them is wrong.

What is wrong with men?

That is just a very stupid thing to say.

I my experience it’s not as much fun as he needed to put in more effort because the older children weren’t there to do some of the entertaining?

Sorry op you are being totally reasonable get him told how you feel before it gets to be the norm and eats at your soul.

There is no need for him to say this, even rephrased as suggested above. It's just something that doesn't ever need to be said in front of any of the children.

And yes, agree with PP that what he probably means is it's so much easier for him when the older DC are there as there is less input and effort required on his part.

I would be concerned if he didn't think this way. He doesn't need to say it out loud but it's a good thing that he loves all of his kids.

I would question my entire relationship with a man who could be so careless with his words in front of a Child ..

Fucking Twat.. is the term I think Im looking for 🤔