Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit spooked by this man?

20 replies

Sparklfairy · 29/07/2021 11:00

I was reading the thread yesterday about entitled random comment men with some amusement as it never happens to me. I spent a few years living in some rough parts of London and thought maybe I developed a kind of hardened exterior that wasn't approachable to these types of men Grin

Well, that went out the window today. I went to the supermarket, queued at the kiosk and saw a man walk in. We made eye contact and I smiled as is common to do around here. Then when I went to look at the salad all of a sudden he appeared next to me.

He started saying that his dog had seen me and had been desperate for some fuss from me Hmm I was confused and said where? I didn't see a dog? He said 'oh, I was parked up by the hairdressers'. I live a couple of doors down from the hairdressers and the supermarket is at the end of that long straight road, about 5 mins walk.

He starts chatting at me telling me where he lives (round the corner) and various things and I'm just confused. I work nights and haven't been to bed yet so wasn't really with it.

Then he says, 'Right, take this,' and hands me a folded piece of paper. Like a moron I take it. Turns out it's his phone number. Then he starts talking about meeting up as we're neighbours and says I'm a beautiful looking girl I had a mask on ffs, says 'I'll let you get on with your shopping' and leaves without buying anything Confused

The whole time I just stood there mute. I just feel like an idiot. And when I left with my shopping I actually hesitated going home in case he was still around or followed behind or something. I decided to walk back but keep my wits about me and if he was around then to just keep walking past my flat so he didn't know where I lived. Luckily there were no cars near my place and I checked around before going in.

I feel irrationally spooked and upset. He must have been pushing 50, I'm early 30s. I need to sleep and I have a lot to sort out today too but I can't settle or concentrate thinking I'll bump into him again at some point. He lives really near my local and I have plans to go there in a few days and he's put me off.

AIBU to think he followed me? Talk some sense into me please! Sad

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 29/07/2021 11:03

He's a bloody creep, of course you would be freaked out. Xx

Gothichouse40 · 29/07/2021 11:13

Keep the piece of paper as if you do have any further problems with this man ( I hope you don't). It will be needed to give to the police. Hmm, I would feel very uneasy about this. Keep a note of date, place, time and the actual conversation and hang onto all this information for a good long while. Obviously you are not going to contact him. When out, keep your head on a swivel just incase. Talk to a trusted person about this. It's a horrible thing to happen but at the moment, I cannot decide if it's just a silly man who has taken a shine, and then when you don't respond he hopefully will move on, or, and I hope not, if this guy will be a future problem. At this stage time will tell. Do you have anyone available to accompany you out for a couple of days? If so Id get them to accompany you for a few days. Unfortunately I don't know where the law stands on this type of thing, but I think it's early to report it as stalking for one incident? Perhaps another poster would know more?I hope this is just a random incident but Im sorry it happened to you.

boogiewithasuitcase · 29/07/2021 11:22

He started saying that his dog had seen me and had been desperate for some fuss from me*
*
What dog does this?

How scary, OP, please keep the suggestions by Gothichouse40 in mind to keep yourself safe.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/07/2021 11:23

Whilst obviously an unwanted exchange, he doesn’t sound especially worrying. He made a ham-fisted attempt to chat you up and gave you his number. If you see him again and he tries to talk to you, just say you’re not interested in dating right now or you already have a boyfriend and keep walking.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/07/2021 11:25

Good advice @Gothichouse40, thank you. I WFH and now I've got food in I can get away without leaving the house for a few days.

@boogiewithasuitcase I know, and you've just reminded me! He said it really quickly, in one breath, "my dog was desperate for some fuss from you but you ignored her, do you like dogs? you do? oh okay, you can walk my dog for me. She's cooped up all day and doesn't get out much." If I'd had sleep I would have been more on the ball but it was all so surreal my face was just Confused

OP posts:
boogiewithasuitcase · 29/07/2021 11:44

Hmm, so presumably his dog saw you when he/she was in the parked car. Very odd.

I had a weird experience in my local bank, just before the pandemic, where a man who I assumed was in front of me in the queue started talking at me and made personal comments. The staff told me that he came in regularly, not to use the bank, but to talk at staff and customers while they were sitting ducks in the queue.

So it could possibly be that, in your case, this is a man who often comes into the supermarket and starts talking at women, but I would certainly be vigilant as well.

StarfishDish · 29/07/2021 11:58

@ComtesseDeSpair

Whilst obviously an unwanted exchange, he doesn’t sound especially worrying. He made a ham-fisted attempt to chat you up and gave you his number. If you see him again and he tries to talk to you, just say you’re not interested in dating right now or you already have a boyfriend and keep walking.
This.
HollowTalk · 29/07/2021 12:01

Why the hell would you want to walk some random man's dog?!

HollowTalk · 29/07/2021 12:03

I wonder whether that phone number was for you or whether he carries it around with him all day in the hope he sees someone he fancies.

Good to know he's sitting with baited breath, waiting for your call. That would really help me go off to sleep.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/07/2021 12:11

@HollowTalk Grin exactly. I'm in bed but sleep is not forthcoming!

I don't know. He didn't give off a creepy vibe despite his behaviour, if that even makes sense. Wouldn't be too much of a stretch to think he wanders around town with his pockets stuffed full of his folded up phone number.

Its just the fact that he says he saw me basically outside my flat, then appears at the other end of the street at the supermarket, then leaves without buying anything. It was only afterwards I thought, wait, did he follow me?

I live in a city but its a villagey kind of pocket of it, if that makes sense. Totally feasible we would bump into each other at the shops or the pub now.

Guess I better step up my game OLD so that I always have a chaperone...

OP posts:
TheCrowening · 29/07/2021 12:28

@ComtesseDeSpair

Whilst obviously an unwanted exchange, he doesn’t sound especially worrying. He made a ham-fisted attempt to chat you up and gave you his number. If you see him again and he tries to talk to you, just say you’re not interested in dating right now or you already have a boyfriend and keep walking.
The fact he spoke to OP isn’t by itself frightening, but in her position I’d be anxious that he may have particularly targeted me in a stalkery kind of way rather than a chance encounter sort of thing.
quizqueen · 29/07/2021 12:32

Well, he's a bit clumsy with his chat up lines but how are blokes supposed to get dates these days if they can't approach women they fancy. If you see him out and about, just say thanks for the offer but you are not interested. If it escalates and he can't take no for an answer, then that's the time to report him to the police straight away if you feel uneasy, so keep the number.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/07/2021 12:38

@quizqueen I sort of get what you're saying but as @TheCrowening says, its not so much the chatting up/number giving that bothered me. Its that he's seen a stranger in the street, and apparently followed me to the supermarket. Why else would he leave without buying anything?

OP posts:
boogiewithasuitcase · 29/07/2021 12:42

He also told the OP that she can start walking his dog for him. That's hardly a chat up line is it. I do wonder whether he was parked down the road as he says he was. The whole thing sounds creepy to me.

Twinkletwinklelittlecar · 29/07/2021 12:45

@quizqueen

Well, he's a bit clumsy with his chat up lines but how are blokes supposed to get dates these days if they can't approach women they fancy. If you see him out and about, just say thanks for the offer but you are not interested. If it escalates and he can't take no for an answer, then that's the time to report him to the police straight away if you feel uneasy, so keep the number.
Online dating. Ask friends to set them up on blind dates. Even the Metro set up dates. Ffs there are plenty of women seeking a date. Why do men accost women who are just minding their own business and expect us to giggle and be interested? We have things to do, you know.
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/07/2021 13:37

Exactly @Twinkletwinklelittlecar. Even if he'd hit on me in a bar i wouldn't feel as creeped out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/07/2021 09:56

Well my dad was distinctly unhelpful Hmm
"Oh he just fancied you and was trying his luck", just made excuses for him. He just didn't get 1) I'm 20 years younger than this man 2) he fucking followed me 3) he felt entitled to approach a woman just minding her own business... nope. it's all okay because 'man fancies woman and all subsequent behaviour is therefore acceptable'. ARGH.

OP posts:
Sssloou · 30/07/2021 10:04

V unnerving.

Get yourself a ring doorbell.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/07/2021 14:03

I'm not allowed one Sad

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 30/07/2021 14:10

It sounds like an attempt at forced teaming, which could be accidental and just ham fisted, or it could be deliberate.
You don't have to spend any energy or head space trying to figure out if he is actually risky or 'just' silly; its not your problem.

He made you feel uncomfortable because he did not act in an appropriate way. Don't feel embarrassed at your reaction, stop questioning it. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to be extra nice to him the next time you meet to 'make up' for doubting him.
Women are not a support system for damaged or incompetent men. Listen to your gut and steer clear of him.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
tinyurl.com/GiftoFear

New posts on this thread. Refresh page