Sisters Pregnancy

[Thinkpad21]

My little sister is pregnant, due Feb.

When I had my children she was younger than me and as id had mine whilst still a teenager myself so couldnt really expect much help from her. Esp with my first born.
Second born maybe a little more help could be offered and certainly more as they grew up (now 11 & 8) shes not been helpful, she doesnt bother with them, literally birthdays and christmases only no messages to check in on how they are etc.. & she will only babysit for a few hours if asked/begged! (She is my very last resort) & is very much Not a hands on auntie.

Tbf she has never had an interest in kids, didnt want any herself so I dont really blame her too much, as it was my choice to have kids..

DH however says she wouldnt need to ask us for any help as she doesn't help us with DS. & if I help her it will cause a massive argument between us.

I know where DH is coming from as it was hard!! But she is my sister, shes carrying my niece or nephew Im excited for this new journey yet in his eyes im a total mug!

Is he being unfair?

Isn’t it one of those things that when you’ve been through it, you get it and offer support?

I’m pregnant with my first but the people offering me support are friends who live further away but have had children, my mum, my MIL. My local friends that haven’t had children aren’t offering the same support - and that’s fine (I’m not expecting support from any of them) - because they’ve not been through it. If they have children in the future, I’ll probably offer them more support than they will have offered me. You can tell which women have been pregnant and given birth because they ask how I am in a different way to women who haven’t.

Guessing she was a young teen herself or even a tween when you had your DC so of course she didn’t help out! Why would you expect your much younger sister to babysit your children anyway? Really weird.

If you want to help her with the baby then offer to. It'd be nice to spend time with your niece/nephew and I'm sure your kids would enjoy it too. Not sure why your DH has such strong opinions about wanting nothing to do with the baby, seems like that would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

If you don't want to help her/have a relationship with the baby then don't. Not sure how this even became a discussion/argument tbh!

I really don't understand the point of your post. What exactly is it that you and your dh are arguing about? Why are you assuming she would want or even need your help? Maybe focus on your own kids, unless asked for help.

This is very odd.

Your husband is totally right. Make sure you never see your niece or nephew or offer a kindness to your sister (if needed) to appease your husband's weird obsession with a perceived slight.

That's absolutely the way to foster happy family relations and will in doubt make you seem mean, petty or insane.

How did the conversation with your husband come about?
'Sisters pregnant, isn't it lovely? Im so excited!'
'She better not ask US(?) for help. She didn't do a thing for DC 11+ years ago! Oh, and if YOU do, we will have a massive fall out!'

Eh?? What a wanker
Remind him she's your sister and you'll offer whatever help you want to offer her
Remind him he is not your keeper and you can make your own decisions
Point out that it is completely unfair of him to compare your very different situations but don't justify it because you don't have to!

YABU and sound really jealous! Why is your DH so uptight about your sister having a baby?!
Is there a massive drip feed that she has asked you to babysit 5 x a week?

If my sister was having a baby I’d be happy for her and I’d be happy to help out if I could if I was older and more experienced. It shouldn’t be tit for tat.