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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of DH complimenting some women

32 replies

enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:04

Well, I guess I know IABU!!!

I get annoyed when DH compliments other women, particularly when it's partners of his friends I.e - they have amazing bodies or whatever. This happened recently where he said one had a great body and must 'seriously hit the gym'.

I appreciate that probably makes me extremely insecure but I don't do it to him ever. If one of my mates partners were extremely attractive I wouldn't mention it out of respect.

Am I being unreasonable? I also believe part of it is when he compliments an attribute of the person that I feel is one of my few good points - It makes me feel under threat.

This sounds terrible as I write it and I know it makes me appear a bad person as I should in reality just agree with him and shrug it off but it really plays on me.

Surely I'm not the only one?! Anyone else?!!

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Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:05

Btw it doesn't happen all time - depends who and what he's complimentingBlush

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AnneLovesGilbert · 28/07/2021 21:07

YANBU at all. Why does he feel the need to mention his friends partners bodies at all?

TreeDice · 28/07/2021 21:08

Well yes, YABU but it sounds like you know that -it isn't anything to do with you if he compliments someone else.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2021 21:08

Your husband tells other women that they have an amazing body/great body? What a fucking creep. That is so wildly inappropriate it's not even funny. You shouldn't be jealous, you should be outraged and disgusted with him.

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:09

@Aquamarine1029 he didn't tell them directly!! This was a private conversation we had between us

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RedHelenB · 28/07/2021 21:09

I think yabu unless he never says plaintive things about you too.

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:10

@TreeDice

Well yes, YABU but it sounds like you know that -it isn't anything to do with you if he compliments someone else.
I know, it makes me feel bad that I feel this way.
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Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:10

@RedHelenB

I think yabu unless he never says plaintive things about you too.
He does say things about me too, so I guess IABU.
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Katedanielshasakitty · 28/07/2021 21:11

Is it in context or relevant to a conversation?

Have you told him it bothers you? Both me and dp would compliment both men and women. Dp is very envious of his best mates legs which have been the subject of several conversations. All light hearted. His best friend is often referred to as legs eleven.

So it's difficult for me to comment. I do get feeling insecure about certain things though.

Has he always done it? And is he vulgar about it?

CarnationCat · 28/07/2021 21:11

Eghhhhh. That's not on. I wouldn't dream of saying to my partner 'I met Dave earlier and he has a really good body. Definitely hits the gym'. I might think it but wouldn't say it. Noticing someone's looks is one thing but thinking it's appropriate to say to your partner is wrong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/07/2021 21:11

I don’t get why he thinks you need to know his opinions on this stuff.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2021 21:11

[quote enoughforme]@Aquamarine1029 he didn't tell them directly!! This was a private conversation we had between us [/quote]
Well, that certainly is a relief. If you don't like his remarks then tell him how they make you feel. This whole issue could be resolved with a calm, open conversation.

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:11

It makes me dislike myself as a person as I don't understand why it makes me jealous?! Quite pathetic really I know.

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Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:13

@CarnationCat

Eghhhhh. That's not on. I wouldn't dream of saying to my partner 'I met Dave earlier and he has a really good body. Definitely hits the gym'. I might think it but wouldn't say it. Noticing someone's looks is one thing but thinking it's appropriate to say to your partner is wrong.
This is exactly how I feel about it. I don't know why he does it, because I wouldn't do it to him. Especially if I knew it would cause upset (and he knows it will and just thinks it funny to wind me up about it)
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Katedanielshasakitty · 28/07/2021 21:13

Can you give some context to the conversation you were having when he said this?

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:13

@Katedanielshasakitty yes he knows it bothers me. Your example is different I would mind that. But he's talking about his friends partner!

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oblada · 28/07/2021 21:14

My husband has never complimented another woman's body so for me this would be absolutely weird. It wouldn't necessarily bother me depending on the context but what an odd thing to discuss with your partner surely. I may comment on the level of fitness of some athletes or otherwise famous people but not friends and their partner. It does sound a bit creepy.

Katedanielshasakitty · 28/07/2021 21:15

[quote enoughforme]@Katedanielshasakitty yes he knows it bothers me. Your example is different I would mind that. But he's talking about his friends partner! [/quote]
I meant dp is a bit jealous of his legs so we have had converstation and I have agreed he has great legs. Hence legs eleven. This has happened in front of his friend and its all light hearted. That why I can't say yabu or not.

But if he knows it bothers you and is winding you up. Then yanbu.

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:16

@Katedanielshasakitty I honestly cannot remember how the conversation started- but the person cropped up in convo and he then said it.

Maybe I bought it up I honestly cannot remember which doesn't help. But he certainly finished it. And then continued to compliment. And despite seeing me visibly annoyed carried on with it.

I tried to pretend I wasn't jealous and then just explained I don't like it and feel quite upset.

He just found it funny and sweet, perhaps gives him an ego to feel wanted I don't know.

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/07/2021 21:17

My dp wouldn't do this. I think its really shitty of him OP. Doesn't make you sound like a bad person, or unreasonable and that comment up at the top saying you are is just weird. No one would like this, and I don't care how much anyone protests that they wouldn't mind, they are talking shit. Usual on mn. No one ever gets jealous, if you do there is something wrong with you.

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:17

@oblada

My husband has never complimented another woman's body so for me this would be absolutely weird. It wouldn't necessarily bother me depending on the context but what an odd thing to discuss with your partner surely. I may comment on the level of fitness of some athletes or otherwise famous people but not friends and their partner. It does sound a bit creepy.
Yes we discuss celebrities all the time but that's it I felt like this struck a chord because it's so close to home. We go out with them and I will always have it in the back of my head now.
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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/07/2021 21:18

Ah so he enjoyed seeing you jealous. What a lovely man he is.

BigFatLiar · 28/07/2021 21:18

I also believe part of it is when he compliments an attribute of the person that I feel is one of my few good points - It makes me feel under threat

Do you think that by him mentioning them you feel that you are less? EG. She has nice hair therefor yours must be bad?

Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:18

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

My dp wouldn't do this. I think its really shitty of him OP. Doesn't make you sound like a bad person, or unreasonable and that comment up at the top saying you are is just weird. No one would like this, and I don't care how much anyone protests that they wouldn't mind, they are talking shit. Usual on mn. No one ever gets jealous, if you do there is something wrong with you.
Well my thoughts exactly, I'm thinking I can't be the only person that would feel like this under the circumstances! Surely.
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Original poster
enoughforme · 28/07/2021 21:20

@BigFatLiar yes that's it. Also, I have insecurities about other parts of me but this is something I'm actually proud of so for him to comment on someone else's makes me feel as if the one thing I'm proud of is being taken away.

He knows this too I think which is why I think he's been a bit insensitive but also questioned myself thinking am I just a mean cow that should appreciate other peoples attributes!!

I just couldn't make sense of it.

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