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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give any more info to DH’s ex?

39 replies

Atypicaldancer · 28/07/2021 20:51

DH’s ex has a history of controlling behaviour around their joint dc. We all currently have Covid and our isolation ends on Sunday. DH is seeing his dc next Wednesday for a week. DH’s dd also has Covid and will be out of isolation on Saturday and his ds is currently negative after a PCR test.

We have informed DH’s ex when the isolation period is up for our household but she is now demanding to have the dates of everyone’s tests, including my dd, 16. We have given her all the information she requires and test and trace have also been given all the details. But DH’s ex wants confirmation of the positive test dd had and the email we were sent from the nhs. She has in the past, used dd’s private medical information against us in a court statement. I told her that we were going through the autism pathway, so she said in a statement for court that dd had extremely complex special additional needs - not true, she’s 16 and in mainstream school and not diagnosed yet! She tried to use this to reduce DH’s contact time with his dc.

This might seem quite minor, but this behaviour is constant. Last week DH was taking me for a PCR as I was ill and ExW’s mother took a photo of our car to try to catch us breaking isolation rules. The way I see it, beyond what she needs to know from test and trace, dd’s medical information isn’t her concern. I’m not forwarding the email or giving her the test date so she can try to find reasons for DH not to have his contact somehow, as it’s none of her business.

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Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 16:32

That is tempting 🤣
She once refused to send the children to DH for the weekend until he agreed to 3 Skype calls. She once rang the police because he didn’t answer 100 calls from her during his contact time. She only does what she has to and what is court ordered.

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Youseethethingis · 29/07/2021 16:37

Bet that went down like a fart in a spacesuit with the police 🤦🏻‍♀️
It does sound like your DH isn't having any of this, so you're in a better position than many posters I've read about on here.
Sucks to be her. This is the kind of crap that will poison her relationship with her kids in the longer term. My MIL was a bit like this. Guess which parent DH is close to and which he's LC with now?

breakfasty · 29/07/2021 16:52

@Youseethethingis

How tiresome, I'd be soooo tempted to ask her for the results of her last smear test and a copy of her latest P60 - if we are going down the road of demanding completely unnecessary private information then everyone might as well join in Grin
Not a bad idea.. she might see how ridiculous she is?
Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 16:58

DH has just said there will be some sort of punishment from her for us not giving her the information. Ridiculous isn’t it! To be honest, her being so intransigent has probably made things easier as DH doesn’t bend over backwards trying to appease her.

I think she knows how ridiculous she is, she just doesn’t care.

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Youseethethingis · 29/07/2021 17:07

To be honest, her being so intransigent has probably made things easier as DH doesn’t bend over backwards trying to appease her
This reminds me of a conversation with my 5 year old DSD along the lines of
"If you're just going to whinge and tantrum for more when I've already spent all this money for you to have a nice time then next time I'm just going to spend my pennies on what I want - they are my pennies and I don't have to spend any of them on you"
Strangely, DSD stopped with that behaviour when with me, it was all please and thank you and boundaries and loveliness. She's a good kid but experience had taught her that the way to get what she wants was to be a massive pain in the arse until the adult caved.
So funny to imagine this woman hasn't learned this lesson at her age!

Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 19:46

She’s now saying she’s waiting for ds to have the result of a Covid test. Her dd has had Covid and they are due to come here next week. Fair enough if ds is isolating, but the rest of us have already had it and so dd should be fine to come for contact as normal. Ex W is claiming she can’t get dd here, even though she never comes to handover alone, her entire family live in the village and are v involved, her mum has been walking her dogs during their isolation and I’ve offered to pick dd upHmm

DH is going to apply for enforcement if he doesn’t get the court ordered contact.

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/07/2021 19:49

He’s told her he’s not giving any more information and that my dd’s private medical information is my concern.

So... issue solved?

Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 19:49

No. I wish. See above. She’s now looking for more ways to avoid sending the dc here.

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clickychicky · 29/07/2021 19:50

DH is going to apply for enforcement if he doesn’t get the court ordered contact.

I think he's going to have to do this every time unfortunately. What a shame for her child but this is all on her.

Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 20:00

It is a real shame. I love the kids and DH adores them. I would love nothing better than for us all to be amicable.

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clickychicky · 29/07/2021 20:10

Just keep being the bigger people. DSC will hopefully realise when older.

Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 21:09

You’re right - I hope so. It’s hard for me to watch and DH is so calm with how he deals with it.

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StoneColdBitch · 29/07/2021 21:18

She sounds very controlling. Your DH is well out of that relationship! You have my sympathy - my husband's ex is similar. Going to court didn't really help - she kept undermining contact regardless. I hope you have more luck.

Atypicaldancer · 29/07/2021 21:28

DH has had to return to court again and again to get her to stick to court orders. The judge has now asked to retain the case and mentioned a change of residence if she continued to breach orders.

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