Leave 7 month old for two nights

[runoverhere]

To go to a wedding? My son has been ebf and has just started solids (currently 6 months). I would have one month to test him with a bottle of formula - I won’t consider it if he won’t take a bottle and has previously refused so it is a long shot anyway.

DP say iabu as they would be miserable.
I think dp will find it tough as he hasn’t done any nights up until now, but that they will be fine together as long as the baby takes the bottle.

Am I being naive and unreasonable?

@BendingSpoons

I personally wouldn't go abroad for 2 nights leaving a 7m old. There are risks you could get delayed returning home and you can't get back quickly if needed. I couldn't have got mine taking enough from a bottle to leave them for 2 nights. One night and they could have caught up the next day. But I guess you plan to check beforehand.

Thanks. I kind of thought that if he would happily take a bottle once per day then he would also take as much as he needs from a bottle for the whole time. I guess babies don’t always work that way.

@Nowisthemonthofmaying

If you've only done one hour away from the baby so far you're going to have to start leaving them with your dp a lot more to build up to it otherwise that's quite a big jump! I couldn't have done it with mine at that age (never would have coped with the pumping etc plus I didn't want to leave them that long) but you know your baby best. It's a good idea to get your dp doing a bit more whatever you decide about the wedding.

Good points. Regardless of whether I go or not, we need to start building up to DP childcare for longer periods, instead of a cold turkey approach, for the baby’s sake.

@runoverhere

DP might not realise it, but I think he should start doing a few nights if we can get the baby to take a bottle even if I don’t go to the wedding.

Definitely do this! I breastfeed during the day but then on Friday and Saturday nights I express so that DH can do the night feeds. (I still have to get up to pump the next feed but I can do that in 10 mins and then lie down again!) We did similar with our firstborn (who I exclusively expressed for as BF didn't work, but hubby still did night feeds at the weekends and whenever he had annual leave the next day). It's amazing for all of us as it's allowed DH to bond over feeding with our children and also helped demonstrate his commitment to pulling his weight to me... Winner! Another huge advantage is that it means our daughter happily takes a bottle at 10 weeks old so I can plan things in for when she's a little older and know she'll be OK to be left with DH for a few hours 😉

I unexpectedly had to take a work trip when my DS was 6 months old (and DD was 2). It was going to be 2 nights, but it was to a sub-Arctic region with poor flight connections so a big risk of an extra day’s delay. DS at that stage didn’t take a bottle. We had 2 weeks notice, so we prepared by:

1. having DS start a couple of months early at nursery, in 4-hour chunks. Day 1 he still refused a bottle and they fed him my pumped milk with a spoon (those ladies are saints!) but Day 2 he took a bottle like a champ. (And he loved nursery SO much! He cooed every day on arrival.) You could achieve the same by leaving your DS with your DP for a couple of longer chunks in the day to learn to take a bottle.
2. I was still deeply anxious about overnights, so we did a “dry run” to reassure us all. I went to sleep at my best friend’s house and had my first evening away from the baby. I missed him a huge amount but also had fun, and the night went perfectly fine for DS and DP. One, quick night feed, easy to settle… actually it was one of DS’s best nights up to that point in his life!

The actual work trip… yup, it was bloody hard for my DP. I was gone Mon-Wed. On Monday our nanny was diagnosed with cancer and quit the same day to start chemo. On Tuesday my two-year-old developed a tummy bug and was up all night vomiting. The baby got gunk in his eye and wasn’t allowed into nursery either (doctor said it wasn’t anything to treat or to worry about). So DP had virtually no sleep one night and had to take 2 emergency days from work to sort out childcare. But yeah… the baby taking a bottle was no issue! 😂

Honestly? DP was a champ. We still think about those 3 days sometimes and he feels really proud of how competent he is as a father and as a spouse supporting my career! Thankfully that was only one of very few hilariously bad weeks in our lives with kids. 😁

I'm useless with quoting but replying to your post at 21.37. Mine were never keen on the bottle so would half heartedly take it and would be cross at the idea of a bottle at night. If you can get your baby fully taking a bottle using some of the ideas suggested then you should be fine. It probably comes down to how important this is to you, and therefore how hard you persevere. You really do need your DP on board though to leave for chunks of time to build up.

As an aside, how long away is the wedding. Is there definitely no chance of a passport and all going?

Surely a month is enough time to get a fast track passport for baby? What if you tested positive over there and had to isolate? I couldn't do this in a million years, not for the reasons your DP says, he needs to get off his arse, but I think between the pumping, the baby potentially not taking enough from the bottle and the chance of getting delayed it would be a no for me

If the country you're going to turns red, you're stuck with ten days isolation in a government-mandated hotel. Without your baby.

Covid really complicates this.

I went away when my firstborn was 7 months. It was the first time I’d left him and I was super nervous. I’d pumped loads of milk as he was waking 2 or 3 times during the night still. The first night I was gone he was not impressed with the bottle, only drank a little and just went back to sleep. He slept through from that night from then on.

Your DP being massively unreasonable. Would he think twice about going away? Just go the baby will be fine with his father.

@Eatenpig

Start now and DP can practice. My DS wouldn't bottle feed if I was anywhere near by. But would happy take a bottle if he couldn't smell me near.

This is what I remember, my babies would take an emergency bottle from another person, my mother usually, but the minute I entered the room it was spat out.

Well we aren’t having much success with the bottle anyway, even when I am at the other end of the house. DS just seems to chew the teat and then gets grumpy and frustrated with it.

We will keep trying anyway as I need to be able to leave the baby at some point (even just to go out for dinner with friends while DP does bedtime).

Well I think your baby will be absolutely fine as long as your DP steps up. He sounds as it like mine was at that time.

Being on solids is a great help. I exclusively breastfed until six months and then introduced bottles of formula as I wanted to stop BF fairly soon. I got my DSis to feed her at first as she has three kids and was very confident and positive about it whereas DP was not. Once DD realised how quickly she could guzzle down formula she was away.

I think dp will find it tough as he hasn’t done any nights up until now

Oh Christ, another one of those...

Time for 'DP' to step up and realise that parenting continues all night.

How an earth have you got to 7m and your DP not be doing stuff at night?!?!

On the bottle front, when I switched to cmpa formula from ebf dc wouldn’t take it from DP, I had to whip my top off and squish his cheek against my boob and then pop the bottle in, after a few goes DP could do it then. Worth a try.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I think dp will find it tough as he hasn’t done any nights up until now

Oh Christ, another one of those...

Time for 'DP' to step up and realise that parenting continues all night.

Until we get DS to drink from a bottle DP can’t do a night shift.

@FTEngineerM

How an earth have you got to 7m and your DP not be doing stuff at night?!?!

On the bottle front, when I switched to cmpa formula from ebf dc wouldn’t take it from DP, I had to whip my top off and squish his cheek against my boob and then pop the bottle in, after a few goes DP could do it then. Worth a try.

Nice tip. Thanks, I will try this trickery.

Sounds like you've worked out a plan. You're saying you'll be guided by how things go over the month, which I think is a good way to go. I think it's sensible to have him do some nights. He might even enjoy the cuddles, I know my dh did .

I think YABU and baby is too young to be away from you.

I don't think yabu to want to go and to expect DH to be able to manage. Regardless of if you end up going, he needs to help with nights if you are breastfeeding as he's already been missing out on the feeding task.
However, I'm breastfeeding and wouldn't have been able to go away for even one night as DD nursed to sleep and would not entertain a bottle or DH comforting her despite the fact he did every night feed with me (supported by bringing her to me and making cuppas while I bf) she just wouldn't do it.

Oh just seen its overseas. I definitely wouldn't have gone overseas at that age!

I know many would but I'm a worrier and with recent pandemic...imagine if you got stuck abroad. If you're happy for baby to move to full formula feeding in case of emergency then I suppose no issue...but if you get stuck and have to stay away for a week or two quarantining (who knows on what whim they will change restrictions!) then I wouldn't risk it. I would also apply this logic for DH going abroad as is only fair

Don’t bother with a bottle at 6m, give him a cup. The miracle 360 ones with the handles are great, mine hated bottles but took to the cup straight away.

Whether or not you should go depends on how you feel, there’s no right or wrong. Definitely do some evenings out of the house first though so that little one gets used to you not always there at bedtime and knows you’ll be coming back soon.

Go for it and enjoy it! Your "D"H sounds incredibly selfish. Clearly you've been doing all the work only a self absorbed twat wouldn't think you deserve a break.

I left for a week in the States when my youngest was 10 months or so, expressed enough for a freezer stash and no problems at all. I had a ball it was bliss!

It would be too soon for me. My daughter is 12 months and I wouldn't leave her for any period of time.

That's just me though. Plenty of people do it and it is totally fine. It's really up to you.

I think your dh is being selfish and entitled. Sounds like he doesn't want you to go so he doesn't have to look after his own child. If your son takes to the bottle go. What would happen if you were in hosp?? Your dh would have to manage then.