AIBU- not taking DS to his cousins birthday party?

[BritTex]

I have posted my story here before, but breifly- . Moved back to UK 6 months ago after living in US for a long time. excited to spend time with family especially for DS to get to know his other family.

we received a cool reception, then DH and miserable old goat rudest man in the world (Mums husband) had a fight and "we are not welcome in their house anymore". One week later found out my sister lied to everyone saying my DH tried to kiss her and she did not want anything to do with him, she eventually confessed to me that she lied and it was her that tried to kiss him and in fact invited him to bed. I was trying to reestablish our relationship, it was luke warm but going ok till I arranged to meet my mother, (trying to reestablish that relationship too). I text my sister that I would be telling my Mother that she had lied about my DH. my sister text back saying go ahead I've already told her anyway. when I met up with my Mum my sister had NOT told her and I said my sister was little liar and showed my Mum the texts. my Mum said she would talk to her about it the next day.

Its my neice's birthday next week and my sister had talked about us coming a few weeks ago to which i said of course we would be there. Now since the texts (to which I had replied that she was a liar, had no respect for me and that I was so hurt by my family) I have not heard anything from her! or my mother either. What should I do about the birthday party? We will not be here next year and Ds is aways very excited about seeing his cousin and I love my neice very much and she loves me (she will be 6). I dont want to hurt the kids just because adults are screwed up? any advice?

F*&k what everyone else wants. Do whats best for your ds. If your DS wants to see his cousin and go to the party then take him, be polite, say the minimum, make a fuss of your niece and go home feeling dignified and proud of yourself.

doesn't seen v fair on your niece - it is her birthday after all... not sure she'd want memories of her 6th birthday to be a huge family barny!

Could you take her out to celebrate her birthday with your DS the day before? So he gats to see his cousin with no fireworks?

difficult situation, but although part of me wants to jump up and down shouting 'how dare she! no way dont go!' I suppose the best thing to do (and show you in the best light) would be to go along and if your sister or anyone else says anything then point out its a birthday party and they shouldnt be trying to ruin it. I feel sorry for you as Im in a similar boat having just moved the to other end of the country to be closer to my DH's parents and his mother hates me and trys so hard to cause trouble by telling lies etc. such a shame, hope you get on ok x

Can you ring your mum and find out what's going on?

I did ring her yesterday to ask her if she could look in her guest bedroom to see if she could see DS's passport (we have lost it). she checked for me and called me back and said she could not see it. now, what would your next question be? well if it was me I would probably have asked oh where are you going? or are you going somewhere? but no not a thing just 'i hope you find it' bye. so she obviously does not want to talk to me.

Sounds like you've come back to a whole load of grief, not sure what to suggest but I understand you wanting your children to have a good relationship with their cousins. However if they have made it clear you are not welcome then I would stay away and just send some gifts for your niece. Some people are exceptionally selfish and cannot put their differences aside for the sake of their children. You certainly don't deserve the treatment you are getting. You haven't done anything wrong and at least you have tried.

you are right, I have done nothing wrong. my DH has? we had a lot of problems with arguing in our relationship (dh is mildly Bi-polar), we went through councelling/medication and we now have a good healthy relationship. My family seem to want to blame everything on him. Also he is an American and since I have been back I really do sense a trend here that there is little respect for Americans. The rudest man in the world (Mums husband) has never held back the fact that he hates Americans, (and the Welsh, Germans, Blacks and Muslims)and now I am begining to suspect that this has a lot to do with it. for the first time in my life I am begining to understand what being a victim of prejudice is like. I dont understand how to handle it. do I say screw you all or do I try to resolve the conflict?

Can't say either way what you should do. They should be apologising to you but that's unlikely to happen at the moment from what you have said. When they have had time to think about things your family may be more reasonable. This is why I would hold back from going to the party because things may be said that cannot be taken back. You must do what you feel is right though.