To be so depressed at the moment..

[strawberrycustardtart]

I didn't know what category to put this in.
A couple of years ago my life was ok.. I had a part time job at a tearoom after not going back to my dental nursing job when I had my son (who is now 4) I was planning my wedding, everything was just ok.
Then since last year everything went to shit.
My cousin died aged 23 suddenly from a blood clot, my grandad died and it came out he used to sexually abuse my mum so the whole family fell out with me and my mum as they thought she was lying, my wedding got cancelled, my job is now only 3 hours a week as they reduced opening hours during covid and don't want to reopen for any longer.
And then I got pregnant and have had hyperemesis. I thought getting pregnant would be something positive amongst the shit but it's just made everything worse. I nearly aborted the baby 3 times and the only thing that made up my mind was that it got to late. It really took its toll on me and DP.

I'm due in October and I've not enjoyed a single moment of this pregnancy, I just want it over with and my body back, I'm not really looking forward to having the baby but I just want this pregnancy to be over. I'm terrified of going through labour again though and wake up at night thinking about it. It's affected my relationship and we've very nearly broken up, a wedding couldn't be further away for us now.

So I'm pregnant with no job, and no purpose.
DP is still working from home so he's under my feet all day at the kitchen table. I want to be getting on and keeping busy but I'm so tired being pregnant. I feel like everyone else's life has a purpose apart from mine. I just wish I wasn't pregnant and could look for a job and just feel like me again.

I sleep in most days until about 10, I'll do some housework, eat and go to bed. I just feel like a complete waste of space.

I also feel like a useless mother DS prefers to be at his grandparents he hates being at home. I just don't have the energy to play with him and he's a typical 4 year old who never stops. Just feel like I've failed at everything.

Patience is the only answer with all of this. The pregnancy is just a phase and the tiredness. You'll get back to being more active and energetic once the babys out xx

It’s just a phase, it’s just a phase - it won’t be like this for ever

Oh darling
I had HG and I absolutely sympathise. It is SHIT and if ONE MORE PERSON HAD SUGGESTED GINGER BISCUITS I SWEAR TO GOD.

You have not failed at everything. That's your thoughts overtaking your brain, which knows better.

I'd suggest finding a group/hobby to do, even just once a week, are there any yoga or neonatal classes near you? Write a schedule each day. Even if its just 9-10AM play with DS. 10-11AM relax with book 11-12 - go for walk with DS 12-1 lunch. Tick them off. It will make you feel you have achieved something.

Can you get more support for your HG? I was put on steroids in the end because the risk to me and baby with the malnourishment and weight loss far outweighed the risk of steroids.

I know you don't feel it but you're so lucky. I would love to have children and would swap places with you on that score. I know you feel rubbish physically but that will pass. The family stuff sounds awful - can you have some counselling to help to work through that?

You have a baby, you have a purpose. You have a partner and another child, you are a mum, you HAVE a purpose. The down feeling will pass. You will have a new little person... You will have a new purpose. And, without wantig to sound flippent, I bet both children will have amazing teeth, because you have skills and you have a purpose... You are a mum. The rest of it can be put away to deal with another day. Grow your baby, take care of your child, clean your teeth, get lots of sleep and take some time to go to a tea room with a friend or family member and congratulate yourself on being someone who can (with a little help) make new human beings (with perfect teeth). Take care x

Just to say I disagree with the poster above and I don’t think you’re lucky at all to be pregnant when it sounds like you really don’t want to be. You’re certainly not unreasonable to feel depressed in all that you describe. Even when planned and much wanted, being pregnant is a vulnerable state and it can utterly change you in terms of physical and mental health, and differ between pregnancies. You have done really, really well to get to this point with how you feel, only two full months left. It’s natural that all this would take its toll on your relationship. I hope he’s been supportive of how awful it’s been for you (whilst also being pretty horrific from his point of view). Hopefully the pandemic and your symptoms will ease and over time your relationship will heal. Be compassionate to yourself. You’ve had a lot of difficult things to deal with. You are not pointless. Your body is doing an incredibly stressful thing just now and you’ve been through a lot.

I feel suicidal every month because I can't get pregnant. She will eventually have two beautiful children. It's not to take anything away from how she's feeling now but I would swap in a heartbeat.

In my opinion, your pain can be acknowledged, as can the OP’s, without comparison and telling her she’s lucky. a woman who wishes to be pregnant but is not and a woman who is but wishes she was not are both women in situations causing them great distress.

OP I hear you completely and am in a similar situation, due around the same time.

I'm trying to start to get organised for the baby and think of myself as a Mum to a baby again.

I get out every day, I nap and look after myself.

But I suffer from depression anyway and it's really hard.

I think the comments from others, well some of them have been unkind but come from a place of hurt. No matter your situation, if life feels tough and depressing, you deserve to be heard.

Being pregnant in this heat has been really hard too!!!! But it's not forever 💗💗💗