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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my baby slept a bit better?

28 replies

Iworeniceclothesonce · 27/07/2021 19:00

I know it’s normal but it’s so knackering. 7 and a half month DD, wakes 3/4 times a night.

Like I say I know it’s normal. It’s just it takes ages to get her back down again so I am generally up between 1-3 and sometimes then takes me ages to go to sleep.

I don’t regret her but I miss the days I went to bed, and slept!

OP posts:
Siameasy · 27/07/2021 19:02

Yanbu sleep is everything mine was an awful sleeper

alphabetllama · 27/07/2021 19:05

I feel your pain, it is so so hard.
It does (eventually) get better, or so I am told...

burritofan · 27/07/2021 19:08

Have you tried cosleeping? Then at least you don’t have to get up or get them back down for wake-ups. It was my saviour with DD, who woke hourly til she was 18 months then decided randomly she preferred sleeping. (Thank fuck, I was about to give her to the circus.)

IonaLeg · 27/07/2021 19:09

I’m so sorry - it’s so incredibly hard Flowers it really chips away at your resilience.

Mine is a shocker for sleep. He’s a lot better since we tried Lucy Wolfe’s approach, but still very hit and miss.

Hope your wee one starts to improve soon. Sleep deprivation is torture!

Original poster
Iworeniceclothesonce · 27/07/2021 19:10

I just don’t like co sleeping. I get kicked and shoved and punched and all sorts so my sleep isn’t very relaxing!

OP posts:
Dollpiglet · 27/07/2021 19:11

My 23 month old is the same. The only thing that keeps me sane is that my DD didn't sleep through until 4 but she did do it eventually so I know he will too! Until then, coffee and sugar.

GrrRightBackAtYou · 27/07/2021 19:15

Mine was an awful sleeper - I was lucky if he slept 3 hours a night until he was 6. Not even a solid 3 hours.
ASD/ADHD. I don’t actually know how I survived, especially as I worked 8 hour shifts!
People used to say “it will get better”. Made me want to poke them in the eye Grin

Original poster
Iworeniceclothesonce · 27/07/2021 20:35

I love being a mum during the day but I really miss my old life at night, to be honest.

OP posts:
Crayfishforyou · 27/07/2021 20:36

Yanbu
I’ve been there
It was hell
Flowers
It will end though, I promise

Cosybelles · 27/07/2021 20:38

Have you tried the book: the no cry sleep solution? It saved me.

JustFrigginNameChange · 27/07/2021 20:41

I have an almost 8 month old with a similar sleeping pattern; I feel your pain! What id do for a solid 4 hours sleep

Original poster
Iworeniceclothesonce · 27/07/2021 20:45

I’ll look at it. What does it recommend? Just nothing seems to work but to be fair I’ve probably been too exhausted to try anything much.

OP posts:
RaspberryThief · 27/07/2021 21:39

Second the recommendation by PP for the No Cry Sleep Solution book, especially if you have one who likes to feed to sleep. We started using it around 7.5 months and saw a real change for the better by 9 months.

endofjune · 27/07/2021 21:47

Thank you! I do actually have a copy so must get round to reading it.

SunscreenCentral · 27/07/2021 21:56

It gets better. Co-sleep if you bf. Hang in there FlowersBrewCake

welshladywhois40 · 27/07/2021 22:00

Do you share the load with a partner? My son was a terrible sleeper but got better in his own room.

Even when I was on maternity - one night a fortnight I would sleep in the spare room with no monitor as my partner took a shift.

Helped me stay sane to get a full nights sleep.

My son finally started sleeping through at 17 months once we night weaned.

Usual2usual · 27/07/2021 22:02

I've had 8 years of disturbed sleep and I feel your pain.

I wont lie and say it will 100% get better (my 5 year old wakes most nights and my 8 year old woke once a night until he was 6) but you will get more used to it.

sauceyorange · 28/07/2021 08:34

Tea and sympathy. It's really shit

Thatsmydaughterinthewater · 28/07/2021 08:39

My daughter suddenly became a horrendous sleeper at 7.5 months. I think it was the 8 months sleep regression. I moved her into her own bedroom and alternated dealing with night wakes with DH. I think this broke her expectation of breastfeeding on every wake and reduced night waking a fairly quickly.

Monday26July · 28/07/2021 09:27

Yanbu and you don’t have to live like this. Whether it’s normal or not isn’t relevant, what matters is whether you can cope with it or whether it’s impacting on your wellbeing and ability to be happy and a present parent.

I recommend sleep training to anyone who is having sleep issues. We used the Ferber method at six months and it was literally life changing. Went from waking every hour or two overnight needing hours to be rocked or fed back to sleep to going to bed at 6pm and getting up at 6-7am, regular scheduled naps in the day. I can’t tell you how incredible it is to have a child that sleeps and have so much rest. He’s much happier too.

Sleep is so important and a really good skill to teach babies, people say it gets better but many parents unfortunately end up with toddlers and primary aged kids that don’t sleep well and still need a lot of assistance through the night.

Monday26July · 28/07/2021 09:30

Are you rocking or feeding her to sleep by the way?

If so that’s the issue. When she wakes she expects the same help to get back to sleep that you gave her to fall asleep. It’s only fair after all.

All babies and toddlers wake in the night but until she learns how to fall asleep independently she’ll continue to need you to help her every time she wakes. Sometimes they grow out of it eventually but personally I wasn’t able to take that gamble and keep going a day longer.

Maggiesfarm · 28/07/2021 09:32

@burritofan

Have you tried cosleeping? Then at least you don’t have to get up or get them back down for wake-ups. It was my saviour with DD, who woke hourly til she was 18 months then decided randomly she preferred sleeping. (Thank fuck, I was about to give her to the circus.)
I agree, I found that co-sleeping meant we all had a good night's sleep.
TheGoogleMum · 28/07/2021 10:07

Yes I know there's always lots of people saying how society is wrong to expect babies to sleep better but that didn't make me feel any better about being sleep deprived, I wanted a better sleeping child! Co sleeping didnt work for us either. We eventually did do cry it out sort of (I know so many hate this), we went in after 5 mins or if crying became more distressed. It was hard but worked in the end

FloconDeNeige · 28/07/2021 10:10

Doesn’t your partner share the burden of this?

Monday26July · 28/07/2021 11:27

@TheGoogleMum

Yes I know there's always lots of people saying how society is wrong to expect babies to sleep better but that didn't make me feel any better about being sleep deprived, I wanted a better sleeping child! Co sleeping didnt work for us either. We eventually did do cry it out sort of (I know so many hate this), we went in after 5 mins or if crying became more distressed. It was hard but worked in the end
I hate that approach tbh. So many times I see people desperately seeking advice on Facebook being told ‘it’s normal, our society that expects unbroken sleep is the problem, not your baby, they’re normal’

It just comes across as shaming people who can’t cope on months or years of terrible broken sleep. To be able to continue functioning on sleeping for one or two hour chunks at a time for months on end takes an awful lot of privilege that people don’t realise. You need to be mentally and physically well enough to sustain it, to have practical support, to have a job where it doesn’t matter if you show up foggy and exhausted, to not have older children to care for too or other responsibilities. It’s simply not physically doable for everyone to just wait it out and hope their baby eventually sleeps better.