Need help. I have a FIL who has always favoured my step daughter(she has never lived with us). This has taken place since a early age. While my MIL was still alive, they had treated her differently. Going on holiday with her, seeing her at weekends ect. Babysitting for them from Monday - Friday while her mother worked. We asked if she would be able to watch our daughter for a night, but was told to give her more notice, as if two weeks wasn't enough notice. Not once has a offer been extended so that my husband and I could have a evening out. While my children got next to nothing. When confronted our children got cut off by them. No birthday presents or Christmas presents. This has gone on for many years.
Sadly my parents passed away when our children were very young(7 & 3). I am a only child so unfortunately I have no one to air my problems with about the situation.
In the home of my FIL(MIL has now passed away 7 years ago). On the walls are photographs of my partner's ex with my step daughter. As well as countless photographs of the said favourite granddaughter, while only a handful of our family. It makes me feel uncomfortable, my husband has brought the matter up, but told I'll have what I want on my walls.
When his ex started a new relationship, the in laws invited them around to their home. His mother then went on to proclaim, "That if she had a baby with the new partner then it would still be a grandchild of theirs." This really upset my partner, he had a pretty bad childhood. So not the best upbringing.
My MIL has passed away, and I decided for my partners sake to try & get along with the FIL. We have invited him over for tea, gone day trips, helped decorate his house. While this has put quite a strain on the relationship we have.
In one case the FIL decides to take the step daughter on holiday, without asking our kids if they want to go. I only found out about this the day that he flew on holiday. I had asked my partner if the step daughter would be going, he always told me "No". I later found out that the FIL & my partner had decided to keep it from me. I was very angry and annoyed that they thought it was OK to lie. Yet again putting a strain on our relationship.
Fast forward to now, my step daughter is now a mum to a lovely little girl. Partners dad found out she was pregnant before him, as well as first to find out she had the baby.
All way though the Covid pandemic FIL has been seeing her, breaking the rules. Saying that he hasn't when we have seen photos of the new baby at his home. Then saying that it's OK, because it's only him.
At Christmas step daughter got engaged, she said it would be her dad (my partner) or her grandad that she wants to walk her down the aisle. Guess what she has chosen her grandad. This has broken her dad's heart and he has told her so, while asking his dad why he thought this was OK?
Now I want to cut ties with my FIL, but can I ask the same for my partner. It is his father. But our relationship is at rock bottom because of this.
Help! Am I being unreasonable?