To feel I'm a massive failure?

[DanaJones29]

I've always suffered anxiety.
I'm 28 and just life hasn't gone how I expected it to. Graduated as a teacher in 2018. I live in Chester and it's just so competitive to get a job in teaching.

I have had a few long terms in terms of agency work and I thought my average monthly earnings were £1600 but just checked and it's actually more like £1300 after I've been taxed and holiday deducted.

Another year of job rejections and now it's summer holidays and I just feel like crying. Another year of the uncertainty of agency work.

I've even tried applying for jobs outside of teaching such as a school nurse assistant, and other assistant jobs but, like teaching, I get an interview but never the job.
Ask for feedback but it's always the same - "experience".

Looking to get a house with boyfriend soon and luckily his wage is good but I feel like a disappointment and failure. I keep telling myself that surely he would like a girlfriend who can actually get a permanent job.

I get good reviews from schools and my agency but not sure what else I can do? I don't really want to relocate as house deposit is saved and boyfriend works close by.

Just feels rubbish that I had all this love and excitement for teaching, did well in my placements and now I'm on zero-hours agency work.

I love teaching soo much and I put so much effort into my supply work but just don't feel my big break will come.

Sorry for the "poor me" rant; needed to vent to strangers.

Junior or senior school?

Graduated as a teacher in 2018. I live in Chester and it's just so competitive to get a job in teaching.

I'm surprised by this - if what you read online is anything to go by, teachers are leaving in their droves because it's such a thankless, difficult job!

Please don't lose heart OP - you sound like a lovely person and I'm sure you will secure that job sooner rather than later.

That must be so frustrating. I’m a teacher, and I understand the competitiveness for jobs. Non-teachers (and some teachers who have been in one place a long time) think there is a teacher shortage and think it is so easy to find a job. It’s really not!
I once moved over 200 miles in order to get a job.
My last two permanent positions have come about after being on supply for a term or so first. Good luck, and keep going. Something will come up eventually.

Yes you are unreasonable to feel like a failure! You've just yourself listed many reasons why the environment is tough not to mention the avenues that you've tried.
It doesn't sound like you have been incompetent down the line
Maybe you need to ask what you are "failing at". Are you making comparisons with your peers? Are you trying to meet expectations from parents in terms of what age you should have a permanent job by? It's there something your boyfriend has said? Etc etc
I think you're doing quite well - you have a house deposit saved which is incredibly hard to do in this day and age. Plus you live in a nice area and have a boyfriend. I know that this doesn't help, but many people might look on in envy.

Anyway, it does help to rant and I understand that it can still mean a lot to you personally. A random internet stranger saying "ooh you're so lucky" isn't really going to soothe the issue. It is hard at the moment, in many lines of work but it also sounds like you need to take a step back and digest why this is particularly grating for you and what your next steps are.

My boyfriend would "rather" me have a permanent job; my parents think I'm doing great on supply so never make me feel incompetent.
I have some friends on supply too.
I'm not sure what's making me feel like a failure; I think it's the fact I thought I would've had my own class by now and it's so anxiety inducing not knowing how much money will be coming in week by week so worried about how much monthly payments will be when I get a mortgage.

I have applied to volunteer for a mental health helpline which I was hoping to do over the summer holidays but haven't heard back yet.
Just trying to think of ways to better myself.

I've opted in for the holiday scheme with my agency so get money over summer (money they take out of my pay to save for the holidays) so that's good. Just want to keep busy

You will get your break, keep trying. I'm sure you won't but after your next interview, if you don't get it, becoming honest with the person who rings you and tell them a professional version of what you've said here and if there is anything you can do next time that may have tipped the balance in your favour. I'm sure you can ask for a copy of your references from the school you've applied to after the interview and result, may be worth reading them x

I live in Germany and we are desperate for qualified teachers here and apparently you don't need to be qualified here. Ever thought about a few years abroad? Your skills are definitely highly sought after outside the UK bubble.
Don't lose hope. An enthusiastic and skilled teacher is worth their weight in gold!

Suggest moving temporarily to another area where you can secure employment in teaching. If it goes well this should make it possible to secure a role in your preferred location.

Can you volunteer for any child related holiday clubs or charities to get more hands on experience?

Well, if you have enough saved for a house deposit in Chester OP, then you are doing much better than I am in my 40s.

I think TBH you need to make a decision between job and location. If you want to stay here and make a base with DP, then I think you need to accept moving into a different type of role. If you want to remain in teaching, you need to consider moving to where there is a job for you.

I remember in my late 20s feeling the pressure to have everything all figured out. I'm in my 40s and still don't have it all figured out. I know people who 'had it all' in their late 20s and 15 years later they are divorced, lost their jobs, nice house has gone etc. It doesn't always all work out. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You're young enough and have plenty of time and opportunity ahead of you yet.

Hi @DanaJones29, I can totally sympathise with your situation! A year ago, I was in a teaching role on a zero-hours contract and trying to get a mortgage with my DP and it was a stressful situation to be in.

Have you thought of Open University tutoring? They often have openings for new tutors, I'd recommend having a look at their tutoring vacancy page to see if there are any that match your skillset/qualifications.

If it helps at all, I eventually got a permanent/full-time role (and the mortgage) - it will happen for you too, it just takes time (especially in the current climate).

You're not alone - I have a friend who is really an amazing teacher, was head of year and then head of department in two different countries working abroad, then moved back here and was rejected from a number of just 'normal' teaching posts because of the competition. She's now got a permanent post though, but it took a while! She knows lots of others in a similar position to you.

It does seem to be the case that it's harder to get a permanent post in 'naice' areas - is there any chance you could buy the house slightly out of chester so still commutable for your boyfriend but giving you more choice, so you can try for jobs in busier areas (Wrexham, Liverpool?).

Any chance you can do a bit of tutoring to earn extra money? Either English as a foreign student to adult learners (online) or face to face for whatever group/subject you're qualified for?

That sounds hard . To at least get work & gain more experience while getting paid, you can do an online TFL course & teach overseas students online. All course materials supplied , so no prep . Rates vary from £14-20 an hour . Someone with a teaching degree already can charge at the higher end of that .

I was listening to a head teacher give a younger newly qualified teacher advice in interviews

Schools are very much child centered and so should your answers -

Example - what’s the best lesson you prepared - you should discuss the children being engaged and excited about the topic, the questions they asked, the work they produced or even those that went home and did more - it isn’t about ‘you’ if you see what I mean?

Apply this to your CV to fit the schools ethos