Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you say something to this man?

41 replies

fusiana · 27/07/2021 10:55

I've name changed for this.

DS is 16 and he's gay, he's been in a relationship with his friend (15, but almost 16) for a few months, his boyfriend isn't out yet, he's only out to DS and us. I also think his father is very homophobic.

DS and DD are only 10 months apart, so she's 15, she agreed to pretend to be the boys girlfriend in front of his father. It was fine but now DD has said that he's been making them uncomfortable. A few weeks ago, he bought him condoms, and yesterday when DD was over there, he decided to go out with his other children so that DD and the boy could have ‘alone time’.

Would you speak to his father about this? Apparently, the boy has told him to stop but his father tells him to stop being embarrassed as it's ‘normal’.

OP posts:

pinkcircustop · 27/07/2021 12:11

YABU; this isn’t your place.

They got themselves into this mess they can get themselves out of it. It’s a good lesson to learn that actions have consequences.

Frazzledd · 27/07/2021 12:31

@fusiana

I wouldn't have even thought of speaking to him, but I just find it odd how he's so involved in his sons ‘relationship’ and if it was real he'd be encouraging underaged sex when DD isn't 16 until next year and the boy is 16 in a few weeks.

Yes, but you can't involve yourself in this because of the lie, you have to remember this isn't a 'true' situation? He doesn't sound like the best dad, no, but what would you be arguing? His questionable morals? If it was about protecting your daughter you'd have a case, but you really have no grounds here.

DeleteSystem32 · 27/07/2021 12:34

Let him know his son is gay and then see whether he still buys condoms for him.

Ffs do not out a teenage boy to his homophobic father.

spotcheck · 27/07/2021 12:41

This isn't going to end well.

Lies typically get uncovered. How do you think the boyfriend's family will view your son after it emerges that your whole family were involved in this ridiculous lie?

unsureofneighbour · 27/07/2021 12:46

@spotcheck

This isn't going to end well.

Lies typically get uncovered. How do you think the boyfriend's family will view your son after it emerges that your whole family were involved in this ridiculous lie?

This is such an over reaction. They bare kids. They just say they have split up and that's an end to it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/07/2021 12:48

@ChainJane

My advice is to stop the lies and deceit. It's wrong of him to facilitate under age sex but at the same time he is being responsible in that he wants his son to take precautions with his "girlfriend" and not get her pregnant. He probably thinks they will have sex anyway, so let them do it in a safe environment. I don't think you can confront him whilst still maintaining the lie. Let him know his son is gay and then see whether he still buys condoms for him.

Why would you even suggest doing that? This is a teenage boy with a homophobic father, he doesn't feel like he can tell him so you suggest telling the boys father?

That's an awful and potentially dangerous thing to do.

icedcoffees · 27/07/2021 12:50

I feel sorry for your DD as it looks to me like she's been pressured into lying and now she feels as though she's in too deep.

She needs to "break up" with this boy and stop getting involved. It's not fair on her at all.

ApolloandDaphne · 27/07/2021 12:53

She isn't his girlfriend so there will be no underage sex. Just let it go and get your DD to 'break up' with the lad.

NotYourNachos · 27/07/2021 12:57

I think both your dc need to stop going round there

Geamhradh · 27/07/2021 13:09

I think you've done enough damage already without any further involvement.

OliveToboogie · 27/07/2021 13:22

This situation has gone too far. Time to call a halt. Either the boy tells his dad the truth or your DD breaks up with him. It was a bit stupid to begin with. Stop now before it goes too far.

ChateauMargaux · 27/07/2021 13:37

Don't get involved in a relationship that is not real. Get your DD to break up with him. If your son and his boyfriend need your support, do that.

BlueSurfer · 27/07/2021 13:44

Your DD needs to remove herself from the situation and then it is up to the boy and his dad to have any conversations they feel necessary.

Goldielow · 27/07/2021 13:54

It doesn't sound like he's encouraging them to have sex... He bought his son condoms, that's not a rare thing for a parent to do for kids that age. Most parents would rather prepare their children to be safe rather than hope they're going to not do anything. Most teenagers will deny they're doing anything so I don't think the dad's out of order to buy condoms.
As for the alone time, unless he said on his way out something about them having sex then why would you assume that's what it was for? Sounds like his parents are just comfortable trusting their son with his "girlfriend"
If you have a go at the dad now when you know your daughter is a part of this lie then you're not exactly occupying any moral high ground here.
If the boyfriend is uncomfortable telling his dad then just let things play out. If he becomes unsafe at home with his potentially homophobic dad, step in. But until then, condoms and leaving teenagers alone isn't a terrible thing...

chergar · 27/07/2021 16:52

I'm really confused here, does DD go over there by herself pretending to be his GF? I would have thought she would have went with big brother as chaperone to keep up appearances.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/07/2021 17:53

Another weird thread about teenage relationships 🙄

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread