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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with this behaviour

18 replies

Wineisrequired · 26/07/2021 22:17

So my teenage son is waiting to go back to college in September. He sits at home all day eating everything in the cupboards and fridge. I buy stuff for my lunches during the week and he thinks nothing of eating it all . I’ve just done the weekly shop and already he’s hovering near the fridge. Im thinking of just buying my lunch at work and keeping hardly any food in the house. It’s driving me mad. He does absolutely nothing all day and it’s driving me mad . I’m thinking off getting a lock on the cupboards 😠 it’s like having a plague of locusts in the house. I’ve just told him that he gets nothing from me until he starts helping . I will even leave him a list of jobs to do . Do I just need to pick my battles and chill out ? I would never have sat in my mums house and eaten all the bloody food. I actually think it’s rude and disrespectful.

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 26/07/2021 22:40

Fgs Op, cut your poor ds some slack. Teenage boys do eat a lot, they need to. Are there issues around food as you mentioned you wouldn't freely eat food in your mother's house? I'm assuming that your mother's house was your home as a teenager? Was food not accessible there or did you have to ask permission to eat? It's your son's home and are you saying he has to do chores now before he is allowed to eat in his own home?? I think you need to be a lot kinder to your son and more understanding.

Thedogscollar · 26/07/2021 22:46

My son did this ate everything in sight. Teenagers are known for this. You just have to accept it's a teenage boy thing.
Can you give him some chores to do whilst you are at work?
I know it's annoying but it's what they do.

WhatAShilohPitt · 26/07/2021 22:52

I disagree with the others, OP. It’s one thing being hungry and it’s another being selfish enough to eat other people’s lunches or food meant to be shared. Sounds like boredom eating if all he does is sit at home and browse the cupboards. I’d buy a fridge / cupboard lock if you’re not being heard. He shouldn’t be taking everything for himself without thinking about anybody else.

HollowTalk · 26/07/2021 22:54

Is he away at uni normally or living at home for college? I think most of them dive on the fridge when they come back from uni - too skint to buy nice things for themselves.

It's not fair that he's not leaving food for you, though.

TowandaForever · 26/07/2021 23:05

Hate all this crap that this is how teenage boys behave. Wouldn't get this response if it was a girl.

A thoughtless son will grow into a selfish man.

LawnFever · 26/07/2021 23:07

Can’t he get a job over the summer? Sounds like he’s eating out of boredom, what’s his plan until Sep?

Sally872 · 26/07/2021 23:22

Get plenty of suitable food in for him, easy, filling and cheap. Bread, noodles, cereals, fruit. Tell him lunch stuff/treats are limited.

Teenagers are known for being thoughtless and hungry. I would also advise a summer job rather than nothing from now till Sept.

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 27/07/2021 06:57

He is applying for lots of jobs but transport is awful where we live so no luck so far. We have agreed that as if today he will start helping a bit more even if he hoovers just room it’s a start. I agree and think a lot if it is boredom . Not long till college now so he will have lots more to focus on

OP posts:
Odile13 · 27/07/2021 07:05

I do think it’s rude to eat things meant for other people’s lunches etc. There should be snacks but he shouldn’t be raiding all the food and not replacing stuff that isn’t meant for him. I would talk to him about it, maybe get him on board with meal planning and shopping so he understands the cost and annoyance of what he’s been doing.

TigersandTeddybears · 27/07/2021 07:28

Is he overweight or gaining weight? If not then he might just be that hungry. Yes carbs are cheap, but if you can get him to eat more fat and protein he might actually feel full. A big tub of peanut butter, lots of eggs, and maybe some protein powder would be more effective than mountains of bread and noodles, even better do both!
Yes he should not be eating food meant for your lunches, that's a separate issue and perfectly ok to set a boundary of him not eating food on a certain shelf or whatever, but you need to make sure his nutritional needs are met too. Teenage boys can put away a terrifying amount!

LuaDipa · 27/07/2021 10:08

My ds and dd are both constantly eating. It’s just what teenagers do. I mentioned it once in passing to my dm and she said that we were exactly the same and I clearly needed to feed them more.

Agree that if you have specifically told him that something is needed by you he probably shouldn’t eat it. Ds is quite good at asking if something is for a certain meal before he eats it, but I would generally tell him to go ahead and just go and get more.

Could you ask him to do the shopping for you? It will keep him busy and save you having to stock up all the time.

PamTheSpam · 27/07/2021 10:14

I think there's hungry v's greedy here . You need to make it clear what he is not to touch . nothing more infuriating to do a full shop and a couple of the main ingredients have been eaten as snacks

supersonicginandtonic · 27/07/2021 10:15

We don't have mine and your food in our house, we have food. If you're hungry you eat. My 13 year old DD and 12 year old DS are always eating. Not a problem, they're obviously hungry and it's known for teens to go through various growth spurts.

phoenixrosehere · 27/07/2021 10:18

I disagree with the others, OP. It’s one thing being hungry and it’s another being selfish enough to eat other people’s lunches or food meant to be shared. Sounds like boredom eating if all he does is sit at home and browse the cupboards.

Agree. It’s really disrespectful and bad manners. My parents wouldn’t have allowed this and neither would their parents especially if you’re not contributing or replacing what you ate and you would definitely not be eating a working parent’s food. The excuses some posters make for teenage boys is ridiculous.

YelloYelloYello · 27/07/2021 10:19

If you’ve specifically told him that X, Y, Z is yours and he eats it then he’s being awful.

But if he’s eating general household food then he’s just being a teenager.

I assume he has enough food? When you buy lunches for yourself I assume you also buy lunches for him?

billy1966 · 27/07/2021 10:25

Dreadful behaviour when it is clear it is for your lunch.

I don't accept that you just suck it up, he is hungry.

Tolerating this behaviour feeds into pure selfishness and I would and HAVE gone through my two sons when it happened.

The teen laziness is a thing but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

In my experience the girls are just as lazy and work shy re chores🙄.

My daughters have been called out firmly on their quiet slithering out of the kitchen the minute they anticipate laundry/dishwashet being empied etc. requiring being done🙄

billy1966 · 27/07/2021 10:27

The boys are older and are long used to doing jobs.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/07/2021 10:31

It sounds normal to me, yes its rude to eat stuff meant for other people but have you clearly marked what he is allowed to and not allowed to eat and are there alternatives for him if he is hungry eg plenty toast noodles etc or stuff in the freezer that he can help himself to? It's horrible if he is genuinely hungry and cant eat anything

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