Neighbours’ DS has been crying for the past hour

[immusica]

We moved here in January, my neighbour is a man and a boy about 5/6, I've never seen his mum so I assume they live alone. I haven't spoken to him very much.

I have heard the boy crying/shouting a few times in the mornings, when his dad was trying to get him ready for school, but other than that they're quiet.

However, the child has been crying in the garden for about an hour, not sure why, I can hear him saying no (and something else which I can't make out) and his dad is asking him to come inside (I didn't think he's crying because he's being asked to go in though).

It's been over an hour now, so would this worry you?

[LegoCaltrops]

I was glad both our neighbours were elderly & rather deaf when DD was little. Every bathtime, you’d swear we were actually torturing her. 2 or 3 hours of screaming, long after she was out, dry & dressed. A bath was not part of the bedtime routine in our house or we’d have been up until midnight!

[maddiemookins16mum]

I remember DD (at about 3 1/2 ) crying/screaming for 45 mins because I’d cut her chicken goujons (ok chicken fingers really) up. In the end I left her (under the kitchen table sniffling) and took a cuppa into the lounge to watch Neighbours.

[maddiemookins16mum]

@Costumeidea

DD once screamed ‘please stop hurting me mummy, I’m begging you to take your hands away’ for an hour whilst I washed her hair. I genuinely kept looking out of the window for the police afterwards.

This has made my day.

[icedcoffees]

When I was about six, I was on a bus transfer to a ski resort in Canada. I was sat next to my mum and she leaned across me to get something and caught me in the face by accident.

Apparently I started crying and screamed to my dad "Daddy daddy - mummy hit me again!"

She was MORTIFIED lol.

[JustLyra]

@PandemicAtTheDisco

Is your concern mainly because of his sex?

I know a male single parent who seems to attract all sorts of unwelcome comments from concerned women who doubt a lone man is capable of parenting his own child or those woman that want to get in his pants.

I'm sure there are many incompetent male parents out there but he's been a lone parent since his child was a baby, and after some initial help from his mum and older sister he has been fine. He's had a few neighbours express concern for spurious reasons whilst others waxing lyrically about how great he is - he's just being a single parent.

DH was widowed in his twenties and DS1 was a toddler. He said people either viewed him with massive suspicion and over analysed everything he did and every time DS1 cried. Or they thought he was some sort of super-hero superman super dad. Very little middle ground.

[Kanaloa]

Also, I wouldn’t find it concerning that you only hear the boy if he’s screaming/crying - you aren’t likely to hear him quietly reading or having a normal chat.

[mumsyme2]

I wouldn't worry at all, but I would ask the child if everything was okay and if you can help in an extremely caring, gentle way. If anything was wrong, you would know straight away. And if not, it might teach him a good lesson that others can see and hear you tantrum in public. I had a few times that I wished people would do this to my children because it almost immediately made them stop and run back to me! My personal feeling is that showing a child that neighbors care is an excellent thing for communities altogether.

As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot.

[GreenCrayon]

As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot.

You do realise that sometimes no matter what you do small children will cry. It's not a case of letting them cry with no consideration to your neighbours but more that sometimes nothing else works so waiting it out until they are able to be reasoned with is the only viable solution.

[icedcoffees]

As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot.

He wasn't on his own - his dad was right there.

How would you stop a child crying, by the way?

[Etceteraaah]

"As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot."

But surely it depends why they're crying in the first place. If they're crying for an hour because they're in genuine distress then yes, that's not great parenting. If they're crying for an hour because they wanted to eat chocolate for dinner and they were told no then there is nothing wrong with letting them get over it in their own time. Children's responses are often disproportionate.

[tunnocksreturns2019]

My DD screamed ‘You do NOT have my CONSENT!’ when I gently put her in the bath the other day. She needed a wash very much. She was very loud and the windows were wide open.

After her bath and a nice hair wash and fresh pyjamas she said ‘I feel so much better Mummy, thank you’ 🙄🤣

[Lorw]

My 5yo SS hates washing, of any kind, hates showering, baths, washing hands, thinks he’s allergic to water, anyways, his dad showered him one morning after he had wet himself, and afterwards my SS sat on the bathroom mat with a towel over his head screaming for 2 hours 😂 nothing helped, just made him worse, but he needed to wash 🤷🏻‍♀️

[immusica]

@PandemicAtTheDisco

Is your concern mainly because of his sex?

I know a male single parent who seems to attract all sorts of unwelcome comments from concerned women who doubt a lone man is capable of parenting his own child or those woman that want to get in his pants.

I'm sure there are many incompetent male parents out there but he's been a lone parent since his child was a baby, and after some initial help from his mum and older sister he has been fine. He's had a few neighbours express concern for spurious reasons whilst others waxing lyrically about how great he is - he's just being a single parent.

No, I would've been concerned even if he was female as the child seemed genuinely upset. I overheard them talking after he stopped crying and it was because he wasn't invited to a birthday party, bless him!

[Summerfun54321]

I assumed all children tantrumed for an hour over absolutely nothing until my 2nd dc came along!

[Summerfun54321]

Aw just saw your update about his upset because of a lack of birthday party invite! Poor little fella 😥

[Peace43]

My niece once cried for hours, hysterically, because my daughter imagined herself a lovely present in blue paper and my niece wanted one too but could only imagine one in pink paper. No way of fixing that really!

[Kanaloa]

Aww bless him. If my daughter is anything to go by at the moment it’s bloody hard being five. And it’s hard to explain to a five year old why they aren’t invited to someone’s party - of course as adults we know we can’t always be invited/there might not be space but at five all you know is there’s a party and you’re not going to it.

[Moonandstar5]

Wow. There's a lot of assumption and eve's dropping. If you're concerned enough to start a thread on mumsnet, then why don't you get to know your neighbour and befriend them? You've both got kids that are similar ages and live next to each other. It might be nice for both of you to get acquainted. You never know what good things can come from it. Better that then be nosy and make up nonsense. Imagine if he reads this. Cringe.

[Canigooutyet]

One of mine sounded like I was murdering them Every time I washed their hair.
Then there was but I don't want a banana hysterically crying for a couple of hours. Never mind when it was the wrong item of clothing. A couple of hours crying because they wanted to play with something but wanted to sleep and it's so unfair.
But I want to go school a d lots of screaming and crying, it was a weekend.
Screaming and crying because something was wrong with the food.
Where's all the snow gone? You got it huge melt down
It's too hot and another meltdown
Don't like the grass another meltdown
The flower won't stop looking at meeeee.

. And on a really bad day if I speak to the child it often result in me getting hit, kicked, things thrown at me. Which then leads to them feeling guilty and harming themselves so it's safer I just let him cry it out

[Batshitmeansbatshit]

Years ago my DS was screaming for a good hour or so. It was hot and we had the windows open. A day or so, later our neighbour ( a paediatric nurse) mentioned that the little one sounded really distressed. We didn’t mind, it was nice to know they were bothered enough to ask, or that if they had concerns they’d do something.
The reason for the tears was grit in a scrape that was very sore and took a lot of patience to clean up but not something we could ignore for an easy life.

[Buppers]

OP, I'm not sure why you were worried at all. My first thought was that you were worried because a man is the sole parent, although you denied this.

I assume from your post about your DD that you only have one child. If that's the case, and if she happened to be born as a non-tantrummer, you might well not realise that children can have monster meltdowns about absolutely nothing.

It sounds as if the dad was doing exactly the same as I would have done in that situation.

[SnoreyDog]

I'm not a parent, and I have no memory of my childhood due to abuse. So initially I read it and felt strongly. A testament to how messed up my head is after reading all your comments! Thanks for helping me to learn what is normal. And the tales were funny too 😂.

[Bigchicken]

@immusica

I was concerned because he ran outside crying, it wasn't that he was being told to go in. I also don't hear them unless the DS is crying/shouting. They weren't even in the garden last week when it was very hot. I do have children, a DD about the same age and she did used to have a lot of tantrums but now she doesn't cry unless there's a reason.

But of course you won't hear them unless he's crying or shouting.
And in extremely hot weather children of that age would not be in the garden, they'd be keeping cool in the house away from the sun.
Perhaps your child no longer has tantrums but not all children are the same! Have a little empathy instead of jumping to a conclusion that that parent is incapable/doing it wrong.

[WingingItSince1973]

@Grace58

My child sobbed hysterically for half an hour yesterday because I told him that dinosaurs didn’t used to live in houses.

I wouldn’t worry…

Love this 🤣