Neighbours’ DS has been crying for the past hour

[immusica]

We moved here in January, my neighbour is a man and a boy about 5/6, I've never seen his mum so I assume they live alone. I haven't spoken to him very much.

I have heard the boy crying/shouting a few times in the mornings, when his dad was trying to get him ready for school, but other than that they're quiet.

However, the child has been crying in the garden for about an hour, not sure why, I can hear him saying no (and something else which I can't make out) and his dad is asking him to come inside (I didn't think he's crying because he's being asked to go in though).

It's been over an hour now, so would this worry you?

[LizzieW1969]

This is why I’m glad we live in a detached house. Our two DDs (now 12 and 9) are adopted and DD1 in particular used to throw really loud tantrums. She did this once at a premier inn we were staying at and it was highly embarrassing.

It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to be concerned about from what you’ve shared. You’re obviously very fortunate to have a placid child.

[mumsyme2]

@icedcoffees @Etceteraaah
unsolicited advice warning - sorry but someone asked!
I wasn’t referring to this particular child, but rather the posters who are writing that they let their child cry on their own for a matter of hours. I have three children so I do know how unreasonable they can be, but regardless of whether they’re crying over a “legitimate” or “non-legitimate” reason, shouldn’t change the course of response as a parent. It is, in fact, the unreasonable tantrums that are the most painful for a child - they are very seldom the result of whatever they say they’re crying about. Often it has to do with a lack of control or a bid for connection. Leaving them to “sort it out” just doesn’t give them what they need, in fact quite the opposite, hence why you’ll notice that a child can cry for hours while you’re sat there explaining all the rational ways they could be handling this situation. That does absolutely nothing to give them control or connect with them. Not only are you frustrating them but you’re frustrating yourself. You would be shocked at how quickly a tantrum ends when you keep repeating the words “I understand…” and get close to them. ( I’m literally talking about repeating over an over in an empathetic voice: “I understand you wanted that cookie but you couldn’t have it.” It’s super frustrating tactic to
Get your head around at first because it seems like you’re coddling, but you’ll see for yourself how quickly your child stops melting down by doing this.
BTw, I used to be the parent who lectured my child during tantrums and slowly got more and more frustrated, leaving them alone in the end. Never helped and left both of us feeling angry. It also never helped me to be empathetic and encourage them to talk about their feelings in the middle of a tantrum! The best thing I learned was to just keep saying “awww..you wanted x and it didn’t happen….awww… so sorry.” in a sing songy voice. Repeat. Repeat and repeat. I haven’t had a tantrum for over 10 minutes since.

[mumsyme2]

@GreenCrayon@icedcoffees@Etceteraaah

unsolicited advice warning - sorry but someone asked!
I wasn’t referring to this particular child, but rather the posters who are writing that they let their child cry on their own for a matter of hours. I have three children so I do know how unreasonable they can be, but regardless of whether they’re crying over a “legitimate” or “non-legitimate” reason, shouldn’t change the course of response as a parent. It is, in fact, the unreasonable tantrums that are the most painful for a child - they are very seldom the result of whatever they say they’re crying about. Often it has to do with a lack of control or a bid for connection. Leaving them to “sort it out” just doesn’t give them what they need, in fact quite the opposite, hence why you’ll notice that a child can cry for hours while you’re sat there explaining all the rational ways they could be handling this situation. That does absolutely nothing to give them control or connect with them. Not only are you frustrating them but you’re frustrating yourself. You would be shocked at how quickly a tantrum ends when you keep repeating the words “I understand…” and get close to them. ( I’m literally talking about repeating over an over in an empathetic voice: “I understand you wanted that cookie but you couldn’t have it.” It’s super frustrating tactic to
Get your head around at first because it seems like you’re coddling, but you’ll see for yourself how quickly your child stops melting down by doing this.
BTw, I used to be the parent who lectured my child during tantrums and slowly got more and more frustrated, leaving them alone in the end. Never helped and left both of us feeling angry. It also never helped me to be empathetic and encourage them to talk about their feelings in the middle of a tantrum! The best thing I learned was to just keep saying “awww..you wanted x and it didn’t happen….awww… so sorry.” in a sing songy voice. Repeat. Repeat and repeat. I haven’t had a tantrum for over 10 minutes since.

[LoveFall]

We also had an incident at Disneyland when DGD was a toddler. She was way too small for a certain ride. So small it was a no brainer.

Her Mom, DS, and her brother who was older went on the ride. DGD had to be fully physically restrained from running after them. She was kicking, screaming, and wriggling. It was very hard to hold her (I got bruises). I was sure we would be arrested for child abuse.

It was highly embarrassing. She stopped before they got off the ride thankfully.

My DIL was shocked I think when we said no to watching her while they went out that night. It was just too much. Perhaps we should have tried but we were knackered.

She has grown into a very confident young lady who knows her own mind. All the signs were there.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

**in

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

I don't know why not being in the garden last week would worry you, it's very sensible with the temperatures we had on the UK. I barely ventured out.

[DeflatedGinDrinker]

Yabu op

[GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou]

Awwh, God love him. Sometimes they just need to let it all out.

On Friday my mum and dad had a little pool party for DS2 as an extra birthday party and he cried for over an hour after we came home because "Allll the nice things were oveeeeeeeerrr!".

He was shattered and decided he would never be happy again.

[PrincessNutella]

My son used to scream so bloodcurdlingly when it was time to wash his hair we had to close the windows. It was a hard choice between letting him smell like a dog or have the neighbors think we ran a special home for tortured children.

[WingingItSince1973]

@Grace58

My child sobbed hysterically for half an hour yesterday because I told him that dinosaurs didn’t used to live in houses.

I wouldn’t worry…

Love this 🤣

[Bigchicken]

@immusica

I was concerned because he ran outside crying, it wasn't that he was being told to go in. I also don't hear them unless the DS is crying/shouting. They weren't even in the garden last week when it was very hot. I do have children, a DD about the same age and she did used to have a lot of tantrums but now she doesn't cry unless there's a reason.

But of course you won't hear them unless he's crying or shouting.
And in extremely hot weather children of that age would not be in the garden, they'd be keeping cool in the house away from the sun.
Perhaps your child no longer has tantrums but not all children are the same! Have a little empathy instead of jumping to a conclusion that that parent is incapable/doing it wrong.

[SnoreyDog]

I'm not a parent, and I have no memory of my childhood due to abuse. So initially I read it and felt strongly. A testament to how messed up my head is after reading all your comments! Thanks for helping me to learn what is normal. And the tales were funny too 😂.

[Buppers]

OP, I'm not sure why you were worried at all. My first thought was that you were worried because a man is the sole parent, although you denied this.

I assume from your post about your DD that you only have one child. If that's the case, and if she happened to be born as a non-tantrummer, you might well not realise that children can have monster meltdowns about absolutely nothing.

It sounds as if the dad was doing exactly the same as I would have done in that situation.

[Batshitmeansbatshit]

Years ago my DS was screaming for a good hour or so. It was hot and we had the windows open. A day or so, later our neighbour ( a paediatric nurse) mentioned that the little one sounded really distressed. We didn’t mind, it was nice to know they were bothered enough to ask, or that if they had concerns they’d do something.
The reason for the tears was grit in a scrape that was very sore and took a lot of patience to clean up but not something we could ignore for an easy life.

[Canigooutyet]

One of mine sounded like I was murdering them Every time I washed their hair.
Then there was but I don't want a banana hysterically crying for a couple of hours. Never mind when it was the wrong item of clothing. A couple of hours crying because they wanted to play with something but wanted to sleep and it's so unfair.
But I want to go school a d lots of screaming and crying, it was a weekend.
Screaming and crying because something was wrong with the food.
Where's all the snow gone? You got it huge melt down
It's too hot and another meltdown
Don't like the grass another meltdown
The flower won't stop looking at meeeee.

. And on a really bad day if I speak to the child it often result in me getting hit, kicked, things thrown at me. Which then leads to them feeling guilty and harming themselves so it's safer I just let him cry it out

[Moonandstar5]

Wow. There's a lot of assumption and eve's dropping. If you're concerned enough to start a thread on mumsnet, then why don't you get to know your neighbour and befriend them? You've both got kids that are similar ages and live next to each other. It might be nice for both of you to get acquainted. You never know what good things can come from it. Better that then be nosy and make up nonsense. Imagine if he reads this. Cringe.

[Kanaloa]

Aww bless him. If my daughter is anything to go by at the moment it’s bloody hard being five. And it’s hard to explain to a five year old why they aren’t invited to someone’s party - of course as adults we know we can’t always be invited/there might not be space but at five all you know is there’s a party and you’re not going to it.

[Peace43]

My niece once cried for hours, hysterically, because my daughter imagined herself a lovely present in blue paper and my niece wanted one too but could only imagine one in pink paper. No way of fixing that really!

[Summerfun54321]

Aw just saw your update about his upset because of a lack of birthday party invite! Poor little fella 😥

[Summerfun54321]

I assumed all children tantrumed for an hour over absolutely nothing until my 2nd dc came along!

[immusica]

@PandemicAtTheDisco

Is your concern mainly because of his sex?

I know a male single parent who seems to attract all sorts of unwelcome comments from concerned women who doubt a lone man is capable of parenting his own child or those woman that want to get in his pants.

I'm sure there are many incompetent male parents out there but he's been a lone parent since his child was a baby, and after some initial help from his mum and older sister he has been fine. He's had a few neighbours express concern for spurious reasons whilst others waxing lyrically about how great he is - he's just being a single parent.

No, I would've been concerned even if he was female as the child seemed genuinely upset. I overheard them talking after he stopped crying and it was because he wasn't invited to a birthday party, bless him!

[Lorw]

My 5yo SS hates washing, of any kind, hates showering, baths, washing hands, thinks he’s allergic to water, anyways, his dad showered him one morning after he had wet himself, and afterwards my SS sat on the bathroom mat with a towel over his head screaming for 2 hours 😂 nothing helped, just made him worse, but he needed to wash 🤷🏻‍♀️

[tunnocksreturns2019]

My DD screamed ‘You do NOT have my CONSENT!’ when I gently put her in the bath the other day. She needed a wash very much. She was very loud and the windows were wide open.

After her bath and a nice hair wash and fresh pyjamas she said ‘I feel so much better Mummy, thank you’ 🙄🤣

[Etceteraaah]

"As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot."

But surely it depends why they're crying in the first place. If they're crying for an hour because they're in genuine distress then yes, that's not great parenting. If they're crying for an hour because they wanted to eat chocolate for dinner and they were told no then there is nothing wrong with letting them get over it in their own time. Children's responses are often disproportionate.

[icedcoffees]

As an aside, the concept of letting children cry on their own isn't exactly a page out of parenting handbooks these days. And, even if that's your strategy, its not very polite to allow that when you have neighbors within earshot.

He wasn't on his own - his dad was right there.

How would you stop a child crying, by the way?