to expect 2 teenagers to unload the dishwasher?

[DancingCoyote]

Just got home from work to find the dishwasher still full of last nights clean dishes, breakfast and lunch mess piled up all over the kitchen and two teenagers, 14 and 16 claiming they’ve had a busy day, despite one of them not being dressed!

I’m so pissed off with the pair of them. They do nothing around the house. DD is better than DS, but only that she looks after herself - puts her washing away etc whilst DS needs to be nagged for weeks. He complained the other day that his room was dusty because I refuse to clean it anymore.

AIBU for expecting to come home from work and for them to have used their own initiative and emptied it?

I would normally have done it myself but was tired this morning as DS kept waking me up in the night gaming with his friends.

No you are not unreasonable but good luck with changing the situation!

All my 3 were selfish teens - my 25 year old still stays at home when not on base and still won't take the initiative to clean/empty dishwasher/make dinner or anything. If I need/want him to do something I have to give him a time by which I would like said task to be done or he does it in his own time which could be a week from when I asked! Its perfectly logical in his head, there isn't any malice there, he genuinely doesn't see why it needs to be done when I want it to be done.

Mine went through the staying up all night phase too - if they woke me up then everything got switched off. No arguing. No second chances. Same if they were just watching TV once I had gone to bed.

My suggestion would be to leave them a list of what you expect to be done by the time you get home but specify a time. Split the jobs fairly so one does dishwasher one day, the other the next for example. Yes you shouldn't HAVE to do it but teenagers need training, just like spouses/partners/housemates .

Well, they're in their teens and you say you usually do it so, given teenagers and their lack of awareness, I'm not surprised they didn't use their initiative.

It's quite late to start training them to not be arses but all is not lost. Give them a list and insist it's done. Expect whining and tantrums. Good luck!

It’s infuriating, isn’t it?

I’ve turned their WiFi off and they’re both sulking in their rooms, refusing to help because I’m in a bad mood!

Wow, at that age they should be helping properly.

Set a chores chart and tell them to not expect any handouts until they help with the house work.

Well, you said you "normally do it yourself", so YABU to some extent in that you haven't made it routine for them to do without thinking about it.

I mean I would expect anyone who is home to put stuff in the dishwasher, and if they find it full, to empty it first, but that has come from them being expected to do that from when they were about 3 or 4 and it is just automatic.
YABabitU to expect them to miraculously notice it if it isn't something usually on their radar.

There was a thread on here yesterday about what teens are expected to do around the house. Some very good advice on leaving a note / list and expecting them to have done it - at a time to suit them - during the day.

Thanks @BackforGood. I’ll go and have a look for that thread.

My 3 and 7 year olds empty the dishwasher daily as part of their level 1 chores.

I feel your pain! My two are 10 and 16, my 10 year old isn't too bad but my oldest has no initiative whatsoever and when asked to do something, will roll her eyes and complain. It's my own fault, I know, because it's just so much easier to get on and do things myself than fight with her.

I don't clean her room anymore, ever. It's too untidy so I said she could do it herself. Which, of course, she doesn't...

Here you go

Thank you @BackforGood.

DD has emerged from her room and gone for a run after I shouted at her for not even being dressed. She is also claiming she didn’t know the dishwasher needed emptying. Flounced off when I asked if she thought it was better that she hadn’t even bothered to attempt to put her dirty stuff in it.

Yep it’s infuriating!
Mine can empty the dishwasher and STILL leave the dirty stuff they have finally brought down from their rooms on the side.

I find giving clear, short instructions on a regular basis (ie every single bloody time ), ignoring the wailing/ gnashing of teeth/ I did it last time comments, and track who has done what on the calendar.

Our rule is the WiFi will go off outside of work hours if they wake me up at night, or don’t contribute when I ask.

They were fab at helping when they were 5 or so and cared about impressing me.

YANBU but I struggle to get my OH to unload it because he "prefers loading it".

My 1.5 year old empties the dishwasher. He knows it’s routine after breakfast…

As teens, myself and my siblings were given our share of the “family allowance” payment, but in return we did our own washing, ironing and chipped in with chores. I often cooked dinner for my parents because they finished late and my siblings would wash and put dishes away. Then because we were given this cash, we also paid our own way on trips with friends or if we wanted sweets / cinema etc etc.

As a PP said, set expectations and routines for them, they’ll pick it up and learn some responsibility.

Is it even the summer holidays if you don’t come home from work, step over the post and shout at the mess?

mine get left a note on floor outside their rooms as to what I expect to be done by my return. Only thing that works

Teens are so selfish. I feel your pain

Keep that router unplugged @DancingCoyote
They will come around eventually when they are hungry/run out of clothes.
Until that day...have this>

I have a rota that's fair for all in school holidays. I have 2 and a sd. So my 2 do two days each Monday to Thursday, my dh and I do Friday and sd does the 2 days of the wknd if she is here, if not we share it. All know which days, all know who to blame when it's not done and all get the same money each week as allowance. If the expectation is set I find it works better. Good luck!!

@DancingCoyote
You need to look at this thread for inspiration.
I've just turned off the router and gone back to bed

At that age I think it's best to leave them with some instructions or a list. I still do this with my teens who are 13&15, my eldest is 17 so doesn't need reminding but the other two I'll leave them a note if they're not up or just tell them before I leave.
It may not be done exactly how I'd like but it's passable.

Im living your life except mine are 23, 21 & 57!!!! Clearly the dishwasher fairy didnt visit my house last week when i went on a day trip with a friend. However the hormonal rage fairy defo visited them all upon my return. Through lots of angry tears i threatened to sack the washing machine, cooking and cleaning fairy too .Needless to say a vast improvement has suddenly happened and all the fairies have had a much more relaxing week

One word .... NO

Teens can be lazy creatures. I left a list for each of mine and treats were dependent on completion

@Eggnoggoanngoanngoann

The oldest member of the household thankfully is well trained (I did thank his exw at a party for that!)

I don't do the laundry or clean bedrooms for the DC. They all take it in turns cooking. Jobs need to be done daily while I'm working. I am their mother not there slave.

They fuck me about i:

Turn off WiFi and remove all their 4G.
Stop buying any food for them outside of meals.
Give them no money.
Don't give lifts.
Don't buy them a take away if I'm having one/don't take them out for meals.

I rarely have to put my foot down and we are all really close but don't fuck with me