My brother doesn’t seem to like me anymore ?

[Tigersparklespink]

My brother and I grew up without our dad . It was tough . Our mum remarried a lovely man and had another child who we view as our wonderful sibling . He is 12 years younger than us .

My brother and I always had an extremely close bond ( best friends through our twenties )

My brother is extremely judgemental and critical of all however he used to always be supportive, proud and encouraging of me. We were so close .

He is an extremely strong character . He is very successful and works in banking earning a huge wage and as this has increased his
Opinions and judgements of others food/
Clothes / holidays / political views / choice of books has increased .

He is unhappily in a long term relationship with a woman who he refuses to marry - they are both miserable .They have 2 children .

I struggled in my 20s with depression. Lately , I have become so much happier, have progressed at work and have married and have a child , I have found my brother has become extremely rude to me and it breaks my heart . He doesn’t understand why I got married ( it means nothing and is pointless ) he thinks having children ( is something women want to pass time ) He makes me feel inferior , insecure and each time I leave having seen him I am in such a state my husband gets so frustrated and we argue .

I have always been polite and kind to my brother as I don’t want to fall out or argue . But it has gotten to the point where I no longer want to spend time with him as it is so negative and I leave feeling like he dislikes me / judges me and thinks I haven’t succeed in life . Since I got married he shows little interest in me and it is very stilted which is such a shame as we used to be best friends in our 20. I feel like the person I know is dead . I have no relationship with my dad as he didn’t want one . My brother was always my confident . Now he is gone . It seems so sad . I try so hard to engage with him but each time I leave feeling sad, negative and like a failure .

We are both in our 30s. My mum has become increasingly frustrated with my brother.

Do I need to accept that my brother and I no longer have a relationship ? That it will just be a “going through the motions” a Few times a year and that is it ?

It sounds like he’s deflecting his own feelings onto you rather than dealing with the problems he has in his own life. Maybe a hint of jealousy that you’ve found happiness in a lifestyle that caused you and your brother pain.

You could be honest and tell him how he is making you feel or you could just reduce contact. Depends on how important the relationship is. I feel you have nothing to lose letting him know how you feel though.

His life is miserable so he wants to make yours miserable too. Take a step back from him and see how things progress. I know it's hard having had to do the same but do you really want to be dragged down every time you see him?

He’s obviously deeply unhappy and projecting. Any chance he has himself any addiction problems into the bargain? I would imagine the circles he’s in there would be a high chance he’s taking coke recreationally at the very least.

Have you told him that his attitude upsets you?

Sadly it sounds that whilst you have managed to work through your problems and have come out the other side stronger and happier, your brother is doing nothing to help himself.

He is remaining in an unhappy relationship and is overly critical of the world around him, no doubt due to his own internal misery. He sounds completely unemotionally aware.

What do you think would help him? Therapy? Leaving his relationship?

Does he have any decent friends or are they all the same harsh type?

I think you can either have it out with him, framed as concern for his obvious unhappiness, or not see him so much for a couple of years. See if he manages to change by himself.