Bill Splitter

[Queynte13]

AIBU to think that the person who suggests splitting a bill evenly is usually the person who benefits from it the most?

Went out for a meal last night. I was driving so I wasn't drinking. I've not been very well lately, which means I'm struggling to eat large amounts so I just had a starter and a side dish. Genuinely not a budgetary issue, I didn't even finish all my food.

The others at the table were drinking bottles of Prosecco and pints.

The bill comes and someone says "that's £30 each". Mine came to £10! This person was drinking and I noticed their portion of the bill was the highest out of everyone (others refused to split evenly in the end).

The worst bit was that everyone scarpered and the waitress returned to the table and told me the bill was short!

We split the bill but bear in mind those driving, ie it would be, say £40 for those drinking and £30 for those who aren't.

We only eat with friends at Tolkien's birthday dinner with the Tolkien Society. Everyone keeps track of how much they've spent and pays that plus a tip. Where did splitting the bill evenly come from?

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I don't really understand the concept of the posters patting themselves on the back for paying more because they can afford it? That's really quite patronising given that people on a budget will know exactly what you're doing and why.

If you want to be magnanimous then why not just say upfront that you want to pay the bill or buy the wine/pudding for the table or whatever?

Obviously I have in mind my own dining partners - family, close friends - not usually colleagues - and I will mostly be happy to pay the whole bill. If I'm out with colleagues or mixed friends (some I know, some I don't) we just pay our own and there's no drama or bad feeling.

This is really unfair.

The question OP asked is “AIBU to think that the person who suggests splitting a bill evenly is usually the person who benefits from it the most“

Saying no, I am more likely to split the bill when I’ve had less is a direct answer to that question, and nothing to do with “Patting on the back”. I also didn’t say anything about people on a budget. It’s got nothing to do with that, it’s to do with how much someone ordered regardless of how much they earn.

Nobodies patting themselves on the back. I knowingly pay more sometimes because I cannot abide faff and things taking longer than they need too. I cant stand everyone sitting there trying to work out where the shortfall comes from (because there is always a shortfall) and the inevitability of people being pissed off because someone hasnt paid their full amount. Someone always ends up annoyed. For this reason, ill pay the difference. Other posters have said they dont mind paying more when with friends because they know itll work out eventually. Thats also fine. Its a different perspective and works for those not on a budget. Nobodies back patting.

FWIW, im a part time nurse. I am not classed as affluent.

I suggested it when I went out last week (it was easier arithmetic.) I'm actually better off by a fiver because someone else refused to split evenly, because they thought they had drunk a lot more than anyone else (being the only one not driving.) I didn't really care, as long as we were all happy with it and it didn't get too nitpicky.

But it wasn't critical to anyone; each of us could have covered the entire bill, had we needed to. It's been quite a different matter in the past, when I was on a lower salary, and a fiver one way or another would have made a difference to my budgeting for the week, and I'd have been thinking, "I'd like the steak, but I'd better have that option, because it's a lot cheaper, and I can't do starter or dessert..."

Same thing used to happen on work nights out and it caused lot of ill feeling for the non-drinkers who had to stump up to pay for the 'split' bill.

On one occasion everyone 'paid' their share either by card or cash, and when everything was 'paid' the bill was still over £70 short, so obviously a couple of people didn't actually pay. We all sat looking at each other, couldn't obviously leave until the bill was settled, so in the end myself and one other girl paid £30 and £40 extra EACH to cover the shortfall (as well as our own bill).
This was a group of vets and a few nurses by the way, not like most of us were struggling for money.
I'm never doing that again, I was just so embarrassed I wanted to leave. Can't fathom why people would do that.

I think it's not always true but often is true. My BIL is a horror for this. He will over-order (loads of booze including double whisky after) and then propose splitting the bill equally per person including kids. This meant that we would have been paying four shares of the total bill even though our kids had eaten from the kids menu for £5 including a soft drink! BIL has no kids in case you hadn't guessed. Got wise to that one and now we always leave early and pay for what we've actually had plus tip at the bar.

Similarly a group of friends we'd go for Sunday lunch with, one guy always used to push for splitting the bill "per adult". CF dad had 3 kids. Most families had two kids and didn't really notice but we had one (at the time) and I felt annoyed that he was effectively telling us to subsidise his family. My friend has now divorced the twat thank god.

A friend and I used to take the kids for a pizza after swimming lessons and she’d always calculate how much each family had had as she has 3 kids and I have 1.

Fair enough but I’d usually pay cash, including my share of the tip. She’d take the cash and pay the whole bill on her card. What I didn’t realise was that she paid the bill without adding any tip so, in effect, not only was I subsidising her meal (small amount but still) and the wait staff were not getting any tip. When I noticed, I called her out on it, saying ‘don’t forget to add the tip’. She wasn’t best pleased but never tried it again.

I can’t bear any kind of meanness or unfairness when it comes to money and, now that I’m older, won’t hesitate to call people out on it. Different when I was younger but learnt my lesson after certain people took the piss; enough is enough.

ChocbeforeCock, I wasn't intentionally getting at anybody, sorry if it came across that way. Read though MeadowLines' posts at 13.35, it explains the point I was making.

The thing is, we've got no idea of anybody's situations when they post, we all have our own experiences and those are in mind when we respond. I've had the whole gamut from orderers-who-over-order-but-want-to-split-because-they-benefit - and also others who pointedly put in a bit more to subsidise the 'less fortunate' - and everything in between. I'm sure you don't do the 'lady bountiful' routine when you eat out but, others do.

In mainland Europe, separate bills are so commonplace that it's never an issue - nor is it an issue for whole bills to be paid by one person - but in the UK, it seems to be a vexed issue for many. Bill-splitting isn't something that I'd want to do now, it's too fraught with difficulty.

Apologies though if my post was unfair, it really wasn't intended that way although I can see how pointed it was.

I can’t bear any kind of meanness or unfairness when it comes to money and, now that I’m older, won’t hesitate to call people out on it

Exactly why I dont rrally like paying induvidually. People are not trustworthy are you usually get someone not paying enough, leaving others to pick it up. The worst thing is about it is that you never know who it is, so they just get away with it.

@LunaBunaTuna

Yes, I'd forgotten this but CF dad (see above) would also use the tips people put in to offset the bill so he always paid the least and the staff ended up with no tip. Another reason why we started to pay at the bar for what we'd had.

In mainland Europe, separate bills are so commonplace that it's never an issue

This. I have been to a couple of places here in the UK, where, seeing we were a big group, they asked at the outset if we would be wanting individual bills or a group one. It's much easier if it can be agreed like that ahead of starting.

I always say before I even sit down, that I don't drink so want my own bill.
Friends are fine with this.
We also have a large family , think 25 including children , everyone went to the bar and paid their meals and food as they ordered, my SIL opened a tab. We got to the end of the meal and she goes on shall we split the bill by 6 as there are 6 families we all smiled and said no. Your bill is just your drinks, she was livid as she had been getting nice wine and cocktails. Her bill was £100 ours was £25.

@Bollindger

I always say before I even sit down, that I don't drink so want my own bill. Friends are fine with this. We also have a large family , think 25 including children , everyone went to the bar and paid their meals and food as they ordered, my SIL opened a tab. We got to the end of the meal and she goes on shall we split the bill by 6 as there are 6 families we all smiled and said no. Your bill is just your drinks, she was livid as she had been getting nice wine and cocktails. Her bill was £100 ours was £25.

Im shocked someone suggested splitting her own tab. Ridiculous! 😂😂

She thought it was a table bill. Non of us are poor, we have always just paid our own way. We always paid for our rounds of drinks as we ordered, as knew it was unfair on those who had children.

If I know I’ve ordered more alcohol than others I always refuse to split evenly and pay a greater share. But the offer is always rejected by those I’m dining with. So I make sure I cover the tip instead

I usually try and set out my stall early these days. As we sit down. "I'm going to be ordering wine and I'm starving so let's pay for what we have or you'll be out of pocket!"

Unless
a) I'm out with a particular friend and we take turns and I've known her 30 years
b) it's my mum or MIL in which case we fight over who gets the card machine first
c) I'm driving.

Over paying bothers me less than people thinking I'm a CF!!

I always split unless I know my part will be higher, when I'll pay the difference. It's polite.

I love PayPal. We all pp one person and they pay the bill. So much easier.

I’m happy to pay individual or split, but money isn’t an issue. What I hate is when people agree to split and then quietly seethe and come ranting on here about it, if you’re happy use you’re mouth and speak up! Stop being such a passive Polly!

Threads like this make me think that I was switched at birth because there is no possible way I would let my natural British politeness allow people to mug me off .

I only ever split with one friend as we have similar tastes and tend to order pretty similarly.

Generally, everyone should pay for what they have had. It always makes me laugh when those who insist on splitting call those they don't tight, miserly etc. They're the ones trying to get someone else to subsidise them!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

ChocbeforeCock, I wasn't intentionally getting at anybody, sorry if it came across that way. Read though MeadowLines' posts at 13.35, it explains the point I was making.

The thing is, we've got no idea of anybody's situations when they post, we all have our own experiences and those are in mind when we respond. I've had the whole gamut from orderers-who-over-order-but-want-to-split-because-they-benefit - and also others who pointedly put in a bit more to subsidise the 'less fortunate' - and everything in between. I'm sure you don't do the 'lady bountiful' routine when you eat out but, others do.

In mainland Europe, separate bills are so commonplace that it's never an issue - nor is it an issue for whole bills to be paid by one person - but in the UK, it seems to be a vexed issue for many. Bill-splitting isn't something that I'd want to do now, it's too fraught with difficulty.

Apologies though if my post was unfair, it really wasn't intended that way although I can see how pointed it was.

Thanks lying, I totally understand what you’re saying and it’s a fair point.

@KatherineJaneway

If you only want to pay for your own dishes, you need to say this at the beginning of the meal in my experience. That way no one gets upset or pissed off or thinks you'll pay for their steak and champagne while you have salad and water.

I've always found found opposite. If you want to split equally its mentioned at the beginning. Otherwise you'll get some ordering steak and some ordering salad.

Whenever I go out with friends we always get separate bills. That's so much easier than splitting the full bill or trying to work out who ordered what. I'm in the US - I don't know if giving everyone in a group their own bill is more common here.