Anxiety… drinking and gossiping/hangover cure

[Mj20]

Hi all.
First time posting… please be kind…

I have suffered with anxiety quite severely in the past! Drinking too much would escalate my anxiety the next day as I’d be so worried about what I had said or done! As well as my mind racing I’d have physical symptoms of panic! All of this has contributed to me being very careful not to over do it with the booze!!! It would be worse if I was out in public or in a big group drinking so I avoid doing this if I am drinking.
My anxiety usually centred around being judged and what people think of me!

However… last night I drank too much and am struggling today.hadn’t planned to drink but I had a couple of wines with tea and started gossiping on the phone with a family member!! I then opened a bottle of Prosecco, carried on gossiping, drinking Prosecco and now feel very anxious that we were being unkind about other family members!!!
On top of the anxiety I feel really poorly (upset stomach/headache/sick etc)!

I know the answer is not to gossip and not to drink but what can I do in the hear and now to get rid of hangover/anxiety!!?

All advice/reassurance welcome! I feel like such a horrible hungover person I could cry!

I’m so glad it’s not just me who gossips when drunk!!
So I’ve texted family member saying how hungover I am (havnt said anxious/fear)! She’s read it and not replied so I’m thinking of waiting till she replies then giving her a quick call to say we took things a bit far etc!!!

I’m going to go up and get in the shower try and make myself feel better… but the anxiety’s actually making me struggle to do anything :( this is awful :(

OP the fact that you are worrying about this so much means you are obviously a good person!

Ahh I remember this from when I used to get drunk. It's horrible but it really is all in your head. Literally. I remember reading something about drinking affecting your brain (serotonin?) and making you feel like poo mentally. It will pass though. Just eat some food and sleep if you can. I used to wake up, have a quick panic, drink a Berocca and go back to bed. By the evening I would feel a bit better and look forward to stuffing my face with crisps whilst watching sitcoms.

Chances are your gossip partner a) feels as bad as you do, or b) thinks nothing of it and is getting on with their day. I don't think anyone thinks that we actually mean the crap we say when we're drunk. You'll defo feel better tomorrow, just chill today.

@AdelindSchade

OP the fact that you are worrying about this so much means you are obviously a good person!

That’s probably more kindness than I deserve but thank you xxx

@BabyPotato

Ahh I remember this from when I used to get drunk. It's horrible but it really is all in your head. Literally. I remember reading something about drinking affecting your brain (serotonin?) and making you feel like poo mentally. It will pass though. Just eat some food and sleep if you can. I used to wake up, have a quick panic, drink a Berocca and go back to bed. By the evening I would feel a bit better and look forward to stuffing my face with crisps whilst watching sitcoms.

Chances are your gossip partner a) feels as bad as you do, or b) thinks nothing of it and is getting on with their day. I don't think anyone thinks that we actually mean the crap we say when we're drunk. You'll defo feel better tomorrow, just chill today.

I did just say to hubby this is a good reminder why I don’t drink to excess but perhaps I need to completely give it up! I can’t bear feeling like this! Can I ask why/when you gave up drinking (hope that’s not too personal) x

I agree with @AdelindSchade - if you were truly a nasty person you wouldn’t give two hoots today. But the fact you’re upset at yourself shows you’re clearly a good person who probably holds yourself to slightly too-high standards (as I do!).

I also suffer from dreadful, crippling Hangxiety. It’s linked to me being a worrier about upsetting people/what people think of me in general. When you spend your life carefully choosing your words & trying to tread lightly it can feel panicky after drinking realising you let some of that control go and maybe the ‘mask’ slipped. BUT… there’s nothing bad behind your ‘mask’ OP, just a nice, normal person who like the rest of the world enjoyed a bit of wine and a good long chat.

No one thinks badly of you apart from you. Please don’t worry! I was where you were about 3 weeks ago. Took me a week to get over it because of my other MH issues and a lot of other stress going on at the time. You don’t need to let this spiral. Try to have faith you’re fine, your world is fine, the sun will still come up, your DH is with you, and everything passes.

Have a shower, wash your hair, make-up on so you like what you see in mirror, pint of tea, stroll with DH, do something gently productive so you feel good about yourself (even just hanging some washing out in garden makes me feel like a wholesome person!), then an evening of comedy box sets.

💐

@MuckyPlucky this is exactly it!
I feel like I’ve revealed a horrible part of myself from drinking!!! Like you in my day to day life I am very careful and considerate with what I say etc for fear of upsetting people!

When I have hangxiety I worry about the repercussions of my actions! So I’m spiralling here thinking a huge family drama is on the horizon from me and other family members gossip (about other members/ongoing situstion)!
I wish I could just take it all back!

Thank you for your lovely reply xx

Haha, I haven't given up drinking. I have stopped getting drunk though because I can't handle the anxiety (also had a child some years ago so I'm constantly knackered and the thought of having to deal with a small child when I'm hungover terrifies me ). I think it's been around 5 years since I last got properly drunk and I don't miss it at all. I still have 1-2 drinks every now and again (not just a thimble at Christmas!) and enjoy it and sometimes I fancy a bit more but I remind myself of the hangovers and stop. It's worked fine so far, but I guess that's because my problem isn't the drinking but it's the anxiety.

Anxiety is the worst! Sleep definitely affects mine. Even now if I have a bad night's sleep I often wake up nervous and tearful and I have to remind myself that it's just the lack of sleep. If I manage to have a nap it's immediately better. I hope you manage some rest and feel better soon!

Try to remember you were both gossiping so there’s mutually assured destruction there and so your co-gossiper won’t say anything.

It’s good to get things off your chest sometimes but I know exactly what you mean because I get the total guilts about saying anything bad about anyone.

Unfortunately this can sometimes mean that I sit on the fence quite a bit and don’t fully let my guard down or say what I really mean. I think what I am trying to say it that sometimes speaking your mind freely can be quite bonding and signifies that you trust the other person. I often spoil a fun evening the next day by retracting everything I said and it can make the gossip partner feel like they’re the only terrible one because they weren’t worrying about it because they trust you not to say anything. Also the more of a big deal you make of it the more of a big deal it becomes - just try and get through today and allow the time for what you both talked about to be forgotten. Neither of you have killed anyone! No one can be perfect all the time. Let yourself off the hook.
Hope you feel better soon.

I have often sent texts saying I feel terrible about saying x, y and z only for the other person to reply that they can’t really remember what I said!!

Someone wise once told me to not over-inflate my own importance - people won’t remember every word I say or even listen in the first place. I do find that thought helps me.

@BabyPotato it’s the anxiety that stops me too but there are the odd occasions where my mindfulness goes out and the window and I do this!!! I think I’ll defo have a break from booze for a bit and let myself rebalance.
Sounds like your doing a great job at not pushing the limits! I thought I was… until last night

@OnlyToWin

This is meeeee!!! Sitting on the fence/not saying what I truly think!!! I’m also quite easily swayed in conversations… so will agree with things to make for easy chats!!!!

I think your right about not dramatising it!
I’m messaging back and forth with family member saying we both feel hungover. What they are up to…. But neither of us is mentioning gossip gate!!! So I think I’ll let it lie and soon it will be a horrible/distant memory!

My mum always says jokingly about my obsessive ruminations “your not that interesting” which I think is important to remember- as you say nobody remembers everything I say and if they did it’s not that important anyway

One of the reasons I want to give up / moderate my alcohol intake is the anxiety the next day ( not to mention the headache, the tiredness, the sickness, etc, etc). Plus I was always texting people I hadn't seen in years arranging meet ups ( there is a reason you haven't seen someone for 12 years!), then I'd have to spend the next day cancelling!
You can't take back what you've said ( you probably can't remember what you said), the only thing you can do is make sure you don't put yourself in that position again ( I hope this doesn't sound patronising), by watching what you're drinking.

Every day's a school day !
( I have a thread atm ; there are a few of us trying to moderate / reset our relationship with alcohol. You're welcome to join ).
So, this morning for me, it is 12 days since my last horrendous hangover. I am NEVER having hangover again. Today I've bounced out of bed, my skin is clear, my head is clear, I've no meet ups to cancel 🙃, my house is super organised etc and I feel good.
I'm not saying you must never drink again ; just have a think about what it actually gives you. In my case, it just takes !
And you are clearly, as pps say, not a horrible person.
Hope your day gets better !

I could've written your post word for word. I suffer terribly from the fear. Never used to bother me when I was young but how I'm late 40s I can't handle the depressed feeling the next day.
I don't drink much when I go out with work colleagues so I won't suffer the next day.
I only really drink and let my hair down with my very close circle of girlfriends who I know are the same level of daftness as me
I prefer to drink at home or in the garden too.
Last night I enjoyed 2 bottles of prosecco with my husband and neighbour and feel great. If I'd done the same with work colleagues in a bar I would literally be making up a load of crap about how I'd said something horrible to someone and then pulled a moonie in the middle of the pub.

You're joining the dots up with no evidence and your brain is playing tricks on you.
I feel for you but it will pass. Be kind to yourself today.
You're fine. ❤️

@Amdone123 ty for the msg. Doesn’t sound patronising at all- I completely agree!

Well done on staying sober! Sounds like your reaping the rewards! I wish I felt lovely and fresh like you!

I’d love to join your thread please. How do I find it? Be great to help me stay on track- as you say… I never want a hangover like this again xx

@cheeseandbiscuitsplease it’s so good to know I’m not not the only one!!! It’s reassuring!

So I often have my safe friends I drink around but sometimes even in those scenarios I can get the hangxiety!!! It sounds like your managing things really well xx

Update….
I still feel dreadful (physically ill/mildly in a panic) but… I’ve showered, put the food shop away and am about to get dressed so hubby and I can give our DC a lift and walk the dogs! All feels hard work but serving as a good distraction!

Also I’m blown away by all the kindness and support I’ve received. It does really mean alot when I’m feeling so terrible. Thank you everyone xxx

@Mj20 thread is called 30 days from now.
Glad you're on the mend.

Hi all! Another update! I’m alive!!! I’m
Shattered and feel ropey but I’ve got a grip on the panic now and feel much calmer. Hopefully I’ll feel this way at bedtime as that’s quite a tricky time for me when anxious.

[quote Amdone123]@Mj20 thread is called 30 days from now.
Glad you're on the mend.[/quote]
Ive joined and posted. Ty xx

Hi all….
So after getting over my initial hangover (which was horrific) and the anxiety I’m still momentarily struggling with my anxiety!!! I’m still worrying about things I said, judging myself for saying them and just feeling generally crap about it all :( I’m not getting the physical symptoms of panic so much but just thinking far too much :( has anyone else ever had this happen after the initial Hangover wears off xx

For my worst ones I would have to do a workout to get some endorphins going. Even once again the following day to really even things out. And really tell your brain to shut up, everything is fine!
My sister gets hangover anxiety really bad and she swears by listening to podcasts to drown out her own thoughts until she feels better.

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese I was thinking I should try and run tomorrow- get the endorphins going and also tire myself out. Podcast is a good idea but sometimes I find it hard to concentrate when I’m feeling anxious. Ty for replying xx

You just need a good night's sleep.

Do you like to read? If so the best thing you can do right now is read until you nod off.

If your mind starts wandering towards negative things just take a deep breath and say (with your inner voice) "We aren't thinking about that right now".

Everything is going to be okay.