For context, I've been with my DP for almost a year. I'm 30, he is mid 40s. I have a 5yo child, he has no children. He loves alone, we spent 2 nights a week together, occasionally 3 nights if my son asks to have a sleepover at his (the other 2 nights are when my son is with his dad). We have a good relationship with good communication. No plans to move in together, we both like our own space, but very much in love. I trust him a lot and he has good morals.
I was talking to a friend recently and got onto the topic of exes, and she said how lucky I was that he didn't have children so I didn't have to deal with any of his exes. I'm not disputing this, it is easier! But I mentioned a conversation I had with him a few months ago. We had been talking about ex partners. He had two relationships in his early 20s, both of whom lived with him. He was then single for about 10 years, before then having another relationship which was long distance. This ended about 6 months before we got together.
I asked how the relationships ended, and he said none of them ended badly they just weren't right. Which led to him saying that he "will always have love for them". He is not in touch with any of them. None of them are local or have any connections to where we live.
My friend thought this was a huge red flag. She said he clearly isn't over them if he still loves them. I disagree. He is saying that he has fond memories of their relationships and will always love them because they didn't hurt each other. It's a red flag if your partner is constantly slating their ex, so how is this not a green flag?! He doesn't seem at all hung up on them. Doesnt talk about them excessively, but is comfortable mentioning them if it's relevant. Two of them he hasn't even seen for 20 years!
I have always struggled with anxiety and am putting a lot of work into it right now and I almost wonder if I'm trying so hard not to be anxious that I'm glossing over something I should be worried about?!