To think being told you have an easy baby is unhelpful

[cafedesreves]

A number of people (MIL, DF etc) have told me that DS is a very "easy baby". I didn't find things easy at all at the beginning, and although he's absolutely gorgeous, he's hard work! AIBU to think that it's an unhelpful thing to say to parents, as it somehow makes them feel their struggles are somehow less valid?

Depends. It’s all competitive. Maybe he really is easy, and maybe it is just meant as a loving chat about an adored grandchild. All babies are hard work, but some more than others

While there are certainly things that can make some babies more challenging to care for, I don’t think YABU at all. Your feelings are valid.

Even the ‘easiest’ baby for a FTM is a bomb denoting in their lives. And I think people out of that newborn stage can start to forget that.

Obviously it hasn’t been helpful to you which is the point and you’re allowed to feel like that.

I felt my first was an easy baby. He was contented with the boob although on it 24/7. Some people might have felt that made him an needy baby but it suited me fine. It’s all perspective.

Yeah I think it depends. I had an easy baby but my friend who had one at the same time had an extremely high needs baby and I was very thankful for my easy baby! It was very eye-opening into how different experience can be. She would comment sometimes on how easy and laid back DD was and I didn't find it offensive - it was just the case compared to her experience. Perhaps they're just meaning it in a 'he's so good' way.

Stealth boast!

If he feeds well, sleeps and doesn't have colic / reflux or any other health issues then YABU. Having a difficult baby is a very different story.

Would you prefer it if everyone said he was a little bastard?

Agree op not helpful. Babies are exhausting even if they are not difficult.
That would irritate me too.
Just smile, nod and hope the baby lays something nasty and leaky whilst they are holding him

There really are more difficult babies. I didn’t quite the extent of this until my sister had a difficult baby.

But yes agreed all babies are life changing and tiring, but some are defo much more easy.

I agree- it’s only the parents that should be allowed to declare whether a baby is easy or not!

I'm on the fence. I think it's all about perspective and life experience with babies.
I currently have 10 week old twins, my DD is a big standard easy baby. By this I mean she is a happy wee thing, eats, sleeps well, is content in herself, self settles and is an absolute wee dream.
DS on the other hand is a difficult baby. We've had an absolute shit show of a time with him and been to hell and back, he's had colic, reflux, milk allergies, screamed so bad I took him to A&E, refused to sleep longer than an hour at a time, wouldn't be out down to the point I was on track for a mental breakdown (luckily now coming out the worst after changing to complete dairy free milk)
So in comparison between the two DD is defo an easier baby than DS.
I think it boils down to wither or not them telling you Having an easy baby helps or not, which in your case it doesn't.

That being said, even with DD being an easy baby she still needs fed, changed, cuddled, nurtured etc which some people might not find as easy as others.

Either way. Ignore them. Nod head and agree and internally roll your eyes as everyone always has their opinions on babies and parenting. It's always your own opinion that counts. Enjoy your time with baby.

They probably made the comment as a compliment. Everyone knows even “easy” babies are hard work. You will get no end of comments as baby grows, just ignore them OP. Sounds like you are doing a job.

No sorry. If you have a baby that sleeps well (for example, my sister in laws baby slept through from 6 weeks and could be laid down awake to sleep in about 5 mins), it is a different world from being up in the night for hours on end, evenings taking hours to get baby to sleep, and having to have them in a sling for all naps

Seriously though I do get what you mean - even ‘easy’ babies are hard work and a shock to the system. I probably said it to people out of sheer wonder (and envy) at what it could be like.

I understand what you mean OP. Remember they are probably trying to be nice / complimentary though!

YANBU and also babies change. DD was 6 weeks prem and slept A LOT in the early weeks, but we fed her every 3 hours round the clock and I pumped every 3 hours as well so we were both still shattered. But to visitors she looked like the dream baby. She soon stopped sleeping as well and developed silent reflux but everyone seems surprised and sometimes imply we're exaggerating because she slept so well early on . She's not the worst sleeper but she's certainly not the best. I also think it depends on the parents, we both found the whole thing knackering and incredibly hard to adjust to even with what most people would call an 'easy' baby.

* If he feeds well, sleeps and doesn't have colic / reflux or any other health issues then YABU. Having a difficult baby is a very different story.*

^This

I understand why it annoys you but I do think it's meant well/as a compliment. It used to infuriate me when people would go on about 'good' babies when I had DS1 (who wasn't a 'good' baby in terms of sleeping) as if the ones who eat and sleep well are just more considerate or being nicer! I now have much easier DS2 and people definitely talk about how easy he is in a way that makes it sound like both he and I have done something right to achieve this.

It is annoying. MIL always used to say ‘she’s so easy’ about DD when DD was a toddler. I really struggled with DD. So it made me feel like I was pathetic for struggling because she was ‘easy’ apparently.

I would just see it as a compliment? By easy baby people mean settled, happy, feeds well, sleeps well etc. All good things! I think it’s different if people say your LIFE is easy or Mat leave is easy (which I’m sure aren’t true- even if lovely it’s still not easy) but I would just be glad you have an (objectively anyway) easy baby. One day if you have a hard baby and you’re knackered, on your knees and not getting any of those comments you might wish for it back!

Most definitely not helpful at all OP.
I have a DS, just turned 2.
We had DN overnight this weekend, just over 14 weeks old, much, much easier than my Ds was at that age. Ds had multiple allergies.
Very wingy. Cried a lot. DN totally different, very settled and content.
Still shattered, its still hard, regardless. A textbook ‘easy’ baby is just as hard as a ‘hard baby’
YANBU at all.

I think all babies, if you're not used to them, are a shock to the system. So in that sense YANBU to be finding things hard. Nobody would mean having an easy baby to be a bad thing however.

My first was a difficult baby though and it was the hardest time in my life. He had about 10 minutes happy time when he woke up and then cried/screamed most of the day. Got a little better after 3 months but was incredibly hard until about 6 months. So if you have a baby who just fusses every so often, as babies do, then YABU to get upset over this.

My second baby in comparison rarely cried and was much easier to settle as a newborn. Now at 10.5 months is generally happy to crawl around and look at her toys. Still fusses on occasion, still wakes once a night for milk, but is a million times easier than her brother.

It depends on the context. You’ve got an easy baby why are you struggling/not cleaning more = unhelpful.

All newborns are like little bombs that go off abs I think people forget those early weeks and what a shitshow they can be.

My second was an ‘easy baby’ after 6 weeks but she was v routine led. Miss her sleeping time and she’d scream blue murder for hours. She’d get overwhelmed very easily so couldn’t cope with lots of people handling her etc. In the sling on me, she was a dream. People would say oh but she’s so easy, relax and I’d be like no, she’s had enough or no she needs to sleep now.

From someone who had two reflux / CMPA babies, I’m going to have to agree with @SapphosRock.

I get it OP, it makes your feelings invalid and makes you feel shit. My in laws are competitive one-uppers in every respect. They unfortunately had an ill baby 50 years ago, so if I ever mention that I'm tired or whatever in conversation all I ever get is "well he's easy, at least he's healthy". Makes me want to run them over.

@cafedesreves I'd say you are being unreasonable. Even thought my baby has reflux, she sleeps well, feeds well and is just a generally chilled out baby. EVERYBODY tells us how lucky we are to have a baby like that.

People aren't saying its not hard. Even parent has their own struggles and battles. But having a chilled baby is half of the battle. Take it as a compliment!

I think you are putting that pressure on yourself. Everyone knows that any baby is hard work because they change your life completely.
I am always told that my 3 year old and 3 month old are good. The 3 month old is a little more challenging than my eldest at her age and my 3 year old is likely to have autism.
My mum actually said that I have it harder than most with my 3 year old because she is autistic and I said that I didn’t feel that way because it is all I know. But when she pointed out how much easier it could actually be if she didn’t have developmental issues I realised that actually yes she was right.

However, people still tell me she is a good child and I agree. It could be a lot easier but it could also be a lot harder too. It really is all about perspective.