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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she was out of order?

32 replies

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 20:49

DH has had an acrimonious split with his ex wife , 6 years ago now. She had an affair and moved away with her new man and tried to stop him having contact with their two dc. He pursued this through the family courts and now we have the dc regularly. There was an expectation written in the court order that contact would increase as his youngest dc grew up, however his ex has always refused to agree or mediate in any way. Her family do things like running away from us in the street, even my children who are innocent parties in this.

DH and my ds, his stepson, have Covid. We informed ExW of course, as the step dc had been with us that weekend.

I felt fine - had a couple of glasses of wine yesterday evening and then developed a cough. DH managed to get me a PCR test that evening and drove me to the test centre. As we went through our village, EX W's mother saw our car, immediately got her phone out and took a photo. We then got a flurry of texts from ExW about how we were breaking the law, we're unfit to care for the dc etc etc and she was reporting us. DH obviously clarified by sending over the email of our test centre booking.

My test came back positive. I feel a bit rough and also quite angry. I feel harassed tbh - they are constantly looking for us to make mistakes that they can report. My Dd has recently been diagnosed with autism at the age of 16 and this was mentioned by ExW as a reason DH couldn't see his dc as she has 'complex special needs.' I'm just sick of it. Feel horrid as well which might be colouring my view, so I may BU.

OP posts:
saveyourbreath · 24/07/2021 20:52

She’s a cunt. Yanbu

EspressoDoubleShot · 24/07/2021 20:52

Firstly,sorry you’ve been ooorly and with a lot of other stress
Sounds like the ex is locked in a pattern of acrimonious behaviour, her default is to presume you and your dp are wrong or up to something. Unfortunately it’s unlikely to change. Be composed don’t rise to her provocation. Keep a record of any untoward interactions should yiu need to recall them

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2021 20:55

She’s grim. How old is the youngest and do they want to have more contact with their dad?

Hope you feel better soon.

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 20:57

Thank you - DH wanted to report this to the police as harassment but I said that will just antagonise things. She’s said in her statement for court that DH has broken Covid rules ‘9 times’ and that he ‘has no regard for the law’ despite the fact that we are both law abiding citizens with respectable jobs. We haven’t broken any rules, DH’s mum and partner are in our childcare bubble.

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Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:00

The youngest is 5. She is a lovely little thing. She loves coming here. The oldest especially wants to see his dad more. On the court ordered Skype calls she always has poor internet and cuts the call early when it’s a call to DH but the other way around the internet is always excellent and she extends the call. She’s mentioned in her statement for court that DH drives his stepchildren to the high school (they walk!) and he used to leave my youngest at home alone at the age of 8 while he took them… Apparently this means he will leave his dc alone.

My son was ten when we moved here 🙄 and my older dc walk to school. It’s all lies. It’s awful.

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Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:02

It was the bit about 16 year old Dd having autism that upset me. We told her that so she and her family would stop running away from Dd in the street. She’s only recently been diagnosed and is a fairly typical teen - it’s just prejudice.

OP posts:
Bythemillpond · 24/07/2021 21:03

Any chance you could move towns. At least then you would have no chance of bumping into her family,

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:04

It’s a lovely village and the kids are settled in their schools here. Plus DH wants to be near his kids. It would be good not to feel stalked though!

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TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 24/07/2021 21:14

Just ignore them is the best advice I can give.

You know you aren't breaking the law or doing anything wrong so they can kick up as much of a fuss as they want.

Sometimes the best way to "win" is to simply ignore and not engage.

Can you get legal advice on her breaching the court order for contact? I'm no expert on this though.

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:15

I also think it’s really off using the pandemic to score points.

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Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:16

She’s already been throughly told off by the district judge at the last hearing for breaching the order. She’s followed the letter, if not the spirit of the order since then and we are back in court next month so hopefully the judge will see what’s been going on.

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EspressoDoubleShot · 24/07/2021 21:17

Ok,so she’s trying to provoke you. And if she sets the agenda she controls you both. Clearly she is angry, fixated and acting out and that inc,ides denigrating you. Best approach, ignore her, don’t rise to it. Keep record of her inappropriate behaviour should you need to recall

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:21

That’s sound advice. It’s horrible when someone makes up lies about you and you just want to defend yourself. Anyway I’m just glad I’m feeling well enough to start a thread now - I felt awful earlier! It comes on in waves. I have burny lungs and weirdly - burny nostrils! I’m wondering if the Ex Mil thought we were off on a jolly jaunt somewhere Grin

OP posts:
Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:54

I just worry people will believe what she says.

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EspressoDoubleShot · 24/07/2021 21:57

Unlikely
She’ll have a core audience who’ll believe her yes. Nowt yiu can do about that

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 21:58

That’s true. As long as the judge unpicks the evidence.

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EspressoDoubleShot · 24/07/2021 22:00

And that’s your solicitor task, present your compelling case. Not get drawn by drama

Beckhamsmetatarsal · 24/07/2021 22:09

She sounds a right wanker

sleepyshiftworker · 24/07/2021 22:12

YANBU

You may get a bashing on MN for having a relationship with some one else's husband but tbh she sounds like an utter fucker. Get well soon lovely and rest up.

sleepyshiftworker · 24/07/2021 22:14

I didn't mean that to sound like you're having an affair. Not at all. Sorry. I meant that I got a bashing when I've posted on here about the ex wife.

She sounds like a cunt.

It's totally reasonable for you to feel pissed off that she's even mentioning your children. Deep breaths. Please try to not let it get to you. Imagine just imagine, If all this is what you hear - imagine how much of it must consume her every thought and feel sorry for her.

Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 22:17

Yes I totally get it! That’s why I felt the need to mention that she had the affair. I met DH a couple of years after they had split up, so me and me dc are literally nothing to do with any of this.

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Atypicaldancer · 24/07/2021 22:24

It helps to see that others agree she is a right cunt 😂

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NeilBuchananisBanksy · 25/07/2021 07:22

Keep a diary and document the harassment. Play the long game here and try to stay calm.

dunroamingfornow · 25/07/2021 07:46

I know you say the children are settled in school and you like living there but I would seriously consider moving. That level of daily "surveillance" will always intrude on your family life. The impact of running away and blanking you in the street will likely be more harmful than moving school in the long run. The comments about your daughter are unforgivable.

SunshineCake · 25/07/2021 07:52

@Atypicaldancer

I just worry people will believe what she says.
If they know you they'll know she's lying and if they don't know you why would you care what this idiot says?
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