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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why people dramatize a story when retelling it?

65 replies

Orangedots · 24/07/2021 15:27

Listening to someone retell an event that a group of us enjoyed together.

They’ve embellished it somewhat and I’m not entirely sure why. To get sympathy? To make it more dramatic?

I mean things like if the journey took 3 hours, they tell everyone it took 4. Waited 30 minutes for food, told everyone It was an hour wait. Hmm

These are just vague examples as don’t want to be outing, but this person does this regularly. When asked about it they deny it or query others accounts.

Anyone else do this and if so, please can you explain why?

OP posts:
Dogvmarmot · 24/07/2021 16:14

@Orangedots

Listening to someone retell an event that a group of us enjoyed together.

They’ve embellished it somewhat and I’m not entirely sure why. To get sympathy? To make it more dramatic?

I mean things like if the journey took 3 hours, they tell everyone it took 4. Waited 30 minutes for food, told everyone It was an hour wait. Hmm

These are just vague examples as don’t want to be outing, but this person does this regularly. When asked about it they deny it or query others accounts.

Anyone else do this and if so, please can you explain why?

I think the key issue is : are they making everyone laugh or entertaining them . acceptable in social situations. Not so much giving evidence in court. If not, the problem is they are poor story tellers. leave the room immediately when they begin to tell a story. if totally factual real life events were entertaining, we would all be cranking out best sellers.
ItPearl · 24/07/2021 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lannistunut · 24/07/2021 16:25

@DrManhattan

Because alot of every day stories are a bit boring and repetitive
This, I like a bit of hyperbole.

I work with someone who talks a lot of bollocks but she's really funny and cheers my day up.

DrSbaitso · 24/07/2021 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes withdrawn post.

user1745 · 24/07/2021 16:33

To make it more interesting so they get a better reaction.

ItPearl · 24/07/2021 16:34

Obviously that's not the bit that wasn't believed. It was that the details changed depending on who she was talking to. I have asked for my post and yours to be deleted because I regret it. If she read it she would recognise herself.

DrSbaitso · 24/07/2021 16:44

@ItPearl

Obviously that's not the bit that wasn't believed. It was that the details changed depending on who she was talking to. I have asked for my post and yours to be deleted because I regret it. If she read it she would recognise herself.
Hmm, I certainly got the impression that you didn't believe...that bit. Seems irrelevant to the conversation otherwise.

Well all I'll say is that you were wrong about the house fire so you really can't be sure you were wrong about the other stuff....which is actually more likely.

DrSbaitso · 24/07/2021 16:45

s/sure you were wrong/sure you weren't wrong. Oh, for an edit button.

girlmom21 · 24/07/2021 16:45

@ItPearl

Obviously that's not the bit that wasn't believed. It was that the details changed depending on who she was talking to. I have asked for my post and yours to be deleted because I regret it. If she read it she would recognise herself.
You clearly didn't believe that bit or you wouldn't have mentioned it and now you've realised you're a bit of a nasty person...
ItPearl · 24/07/2021 16:48

@drSbaitso I'm sure. She told different versions of the same story to different people and I know myself, when an experience is painful every detail is etched in to you forever, so yes, I'm SURE. I'm not participating in a court case where I have to prove that my perceptions about her were correct because the subject matter is ver sensitive. Yes, an edit button would be lovely. I feel sorry for this woman. She might have histrionic personality disorder.

DrSbaitso · 24/07/2021 16:50

[quote ItPearl]@drSbaitso I'm sure. She told different versions of the same story to different people and I know myself, when an experience is painful every detail is etched in to you forever, so yes, I'm SURE. I'm not participating in a court case where I have to prove that my perceptions about her were correct because the subject matter is ver sensitive. Yes, an edit button would be lovely. I feel sorry for this woman. She might have histrionic personality disorder.[/quote]
She may have felt more comfortable giving the absolute truth to some people than others.

I'm the only one who knows the true extent of one person's pain in that regard. She can't bear for "everyone" to know exactly what she went through.

ItPearl · 24/07/2021 16:51

@DrSbaitso and I did believe her the first time I was told. Then various details didn't match up to what I'd heard before/ what another close friend had been told.

Anyway, I'm going to bow out now. If she is reading, I recognise that you have changed. I think you lie less now and people have noticed. Wine

clarkkentsglasses · 24/07/2021 16:53

I do this. I am also aware I am a complete twat for doing so.

I think mine is a "people pleasing" thing.

I must sound an absolute dick.

DrSbaitso · 24/07/2021 16:55

@clarkkentsglasses

I do this. I am also aware I am a complete twat for doing so.

I think mine is a "people pleasing" thing.

I must sound an absolute dick.

What's "people pleasing" about it?
ItPearl · 24/07/2021 17:27

I agree that it is a type of people pleasing. There's a buzz from entertaining people. Most healthy secure people wouldn't get that satisfaction from entertaining people with a story that isn't true, but I can see how less secure in their right to be ordinary types might sometimes types embellish a story. There is that need to sing for their supper.' A fear of boring the listener.

These types couldn't just tell a short factual, perhaps mildly humorous account of what actually happened, get one wry supportive smile and move on.

They don't have self-compassion to know that it's ok to be just one in the group, they only feel safe when the group revolves around them. And groups can still revolve around a drama queen, even if she's not well respected, it's a kind of FORCE that draws people in and there is a certain orbit around this type.

The one I know, if only she knew that it's ok to sit there, one member of a group, contributing sometimes but mostly listening and content to listen and connect safe in the knowledge that not every story has to be a Jeffrey Archer. It's ok to just show up and join in.

I read that one cause of this can be parents who re-cast the golden child in the family. One day everybody's listening to you hanging on your every word as you recite your 7 times tables and then the next minute everybody's hanging on your sister's every word. What!

This theory would hold up one of the embellishers that I know.

Blueskytoday06 · 24/07/2021 17:39

I really really hate this. I have no idea why people do it. To me it's lying which makes me mistrust.

GirlsBlouse17 · 24/07/2021 17:42

People have no patience and get bored quickly so there is pressure to make a story extra exciting

Drivingmeupthewall · 24/07/2021 17:44

I bet your stories are really boring if you tell things exactly as they are 😂

GirlsBlouse17 · 25/07/2021 08:11

I bet your stories are really boring if you tell things exactly as they are

So childish

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 25/07/2021 08:14

My mum has ramped this up 100 percent since she retired. So this person may be a bit bored and trying to make their life more interesting?? Drives me mad , I stop her half way and say OK just tell me what happened at the end and it will just be something like her parcel went to the wrong house!

Mummadeze · 25/07/2021 08:16

I exaggerate a bit sometimes when telling stories. They are always v close to the truth but just told in a more entertaining way. I thought everyone did this to be honest!

Original poster
Orangedots · 25/07/2021 08:22

Don’t you feel bad for lying to people? Confused

OP posts:
ohfook · 25/07/2021 08:28

God I wish I knew. I do it all the fucking time and I have no idea why.

I remember being a teenager and being so embarrassed when a friend's mum made a comment along the lines of 'there's always a story with you'. I tried so hard to stop but as soon as I relax a bit it starts again.

It's the thing I most dislike about myself because I feel it marks me out as untrustworthy and dishonest. My sister is exactly the same too.

Iquitit · 25/07/2021 08:33

Waited 30 minutes for food, told everyone It was an hour wait. hmm

This used to really fuck me off when I worked in hospitality, because it was untrue and people were just trying to show you up. I had a great manager in one place who used to respond to those types of complaints by persistent customers by checking CCTV in front of the customer and pointing out that actually, you arrived at X time, ordered at Y time and your food was delivered at Z time, so your wait of 'an hour' was actually 24 minutes.

DrSbaitso · 25/07/2021 08:33

@Orangedots

Don’t you feel bad for lying to people? Confused
Well, what's the lie and how harmful is it?