to expect my dh to do what I ask (!) and change dinner with PIL's!

[jINGLESbells]

dh and I are both freelancers and have been really busy recently...I normally try and work 4-5 days a week max but to complete a project I've had to work 7 days for the last 2 weeks...hence no weekend and no time with ds's. Normally we have family dinner(7pm) with PInL on Sun Eve,...they were on hols last week and this week I asked DH to invite them for lunch as I was so knackered I couldn't cope. Get home 7pm last night to find....Pinl, dh and ds's waiting to have dinner (DH HAD cooked!)
I was soooooo livid I couldn't speak and so tired I was propping up my eyelids at the table. All I wanted was to come in, flop down with the kids before falling into bed very quickly. DH thinks he shouldn't have to change everyone else's routine to fit in with me(!!!) and I think he should have bloody taken my feelings into account especially as we have them here for dinner on Sun night 48 weeks a year! So...AIBU?

Well. I think maybe it's a miscommunication.

Perhaps it went like this...

When you told him how you didn't want to do it because you were knackered and you just wanted quiet and to relax, he thought the reason you wanted to change things was because you would be too tired to cook/host. So he kept the arrangement but cooked. That way, you didn't need to do anything. In his mind, he's solved your problem with them being there - which was you having to do the cooking. iyswim.

So he probably wonders what the hell you are on about.

You on the other hand, wanted to veg out and not be bothered with even talking to anyone, and get an early night. And it was bodies in your house you didn't want.

So next time. Phone the pil yourself and leave no doubt.

next time dont ask him, tell him

I think Hekate is right. He probably thought that he could take the responsibility off you by doing all the cooking etc. He didn't think about the fact that you didn't want to socialise. He probably thought he could make everyone happy by keeping his pil's arrangements the same and taking some of the responsibility off you.

I can understand how you got upset though. I'd have killed my dh too. But when you think about it rationally, you can kinda see where he was coming from.

Men are from Mars and all that ...

Oh God...I know you're probably right and I'm probably going to have to apologise...but honestly! I love his parents and everything, they adore my ds's but sometimes it's such hard work, especially as PIL are in their mid 80's and they seem to think my "little" job doesn't count quite as much as dh's.

Blimey - ILs for dinner EVERY Sunday night ?

I'd have been cross too, that it couldn't just the once have been lunch...

I know!!! I personally think I'm a martyr! But the kids love it and as I said PIL are really getting on now. Just would be nice not to have to do dinner / xmas / birthdays / etc.once as it seems everyone else gets to do the nice stuff with my ds's whilst I do the cooking, cleaning planning....serves me right for marrying an oldie I guess