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Original poster

Tween and WhatsApp do you allow it?

39 replies

justeatavocado · 23/07/2021 20:37

To let me 11.5 year old daughter to have WhatsApp?

I have said no, she messages her friends but they are all on WhatsApp and she keeps asking for it.

I'm in two frames of mind. I hate the idea of the groups and it's age is 16!!! However it appears all her peers have it, then I worry she will be feeling left out/cut off from friends.

It's so hard being a parent of a tween now. ☹️ knowing the right thing to do,

Does your 11 year old have it? Do you have any ground rules if they do?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 24/07/2021 07:16

If she has a phone I don't understand what the problem with WhatsApp is. It's just a messaging service. My 10 year old doesn't have a phone but he has a messaging app on his iPad that I check.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/07/2021 07:20

My DDs 14 and 10 both have it (I monitor). They really just use it as a cheaper way of texting. I discourage but don't ban group chats. They are both sensible and I have often found they've have removed themselves from groups with drama and don't get drawn in in the past. Now it is literally just texts when I check.

icedcoffees · 24/07/2021 07:23

Why is everyone so against WhatsApp?

Isn't it just online texting? What's the difference between WhatsApp and just regular texts in terms of safety?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 24/07/2021 07:27

Dd 12 has it. I take her phone randomly to check messages.

Luckily she has a very nice group of friends and I've never seen anything untoward and she is on a whole year group chat which she has muted as some of the stuff on there she didn't like.

When have a family group, which we share funny stuff on. She chats separately to grandparents/aunties on it.

She is sensible and I have absolutely no qualms about her having it.

VerySmallPears · 24/07/2021 07:42

The differences between WhatsApp and texting are group chats rather than just one to one (so people you may not know well or at all, and can get caught in the crossfire of other peoples arguments), statuses (seen them used to bully, seek validation, flirt etc all of which you can’t do to your whole friendship group at the same time via text), can send photos (which I had disabled on text for primary age DC), can be added to groups with lots of people you don’t know who may be much older (depending on your WhatsApp settings), people in groups who you don’t know can contact you direct as they have your number. It’s a step on from text messages, in terms of risk of seeing dodgy stuff and being contacted by dodgy people. Especially as you can set the phone to only send and receive texts with people in your address book.

icedcoffees · 24/07/2021 08:12

@VerySmallPears but you can have group texts and photo messaging via regular texting as well.

I maybe get your point around photo messages but I have an old iPhone and I can participate in group text messages on there no problem.

VerySmallPears · 24/07/2021 08:19

You can have group iMessages, true. But not everyone has an iPhone (and for a while, we had the iMessage function switched off so DC could only text, for exactly that reason).

WhoDidAndWhy · 24/07/2021 08:21

Yes, it’s the same as texting really. I monitor it (ie read her messages) and she doesn’t have the phone much in the day. To be honest, her friends talk rubbish so she basically is on there so they don’t hassle her but she limits her replies.

icedcoffees · 24/07/2021 08:27

I don't use the iMessage function either as it doesn't work if your data is off, but you can still have group texts the "normal" way with other smart-phone users. They don't need to have iPhones.

LFQuery · 24/07/2021 08:42

I have teenagers and they all had WhatsApp during year 6 age 11. A few years on and we’ve had no issues. They tend to use Snapchat more than WhatsApp.

VerySmallPears · 24/07/2021 08:48

@icedcoffees I just went and checked it out, on younger DC’s phone. We have the group messaging function in settings switched off, and settings password protected so she can’t access them.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 24/07/2021 08:48

Mine have it and got it from when they got their phones. Dc2 got a phone a little early due to lockdowns precisely so that they could keep in touch with friends when we were not allowed to meet anyone. It was great for the transition to secondary school too as of course there were no transition days to meet your tutor group etc but someone started a WhatsApp for the kids and through parents they all got added and were able to chat.

My kids phones have good parental controls, time limits so no all night messaging and I check them.

LabStan · 24/07/2021 09:41

We allowed it as soon as they have a phone. We just check it constantly. They don't have access to any other social media though.

Travielkapelka · 24/07/2021 09:49

Mine has it but no insta or snap chat, I prefer it as at least you’ve got a chance of seeing the train of messages rather than snap chat where it all disappears

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