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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate how I look?

17 replies

feelingmehtoday · 23/07/2021 20:15

Had a baby 4 months ago. Absolutely hate what I see in the mirror. Used to be a size 8-10 with flat toned stomach (been this way my whole life). Now I have a little pouch on my tummy where baby was and I'm more like a size 10-12. BMI has gone from 19 to 23 (still "healthy" apparently, but I just look so different). I'm too exhausted to exercise due to looking after baby and I eat crap all the time. I'm not technically overweight so I feel like I'm being unreasonable to be this down about it. But I can't help it - I just look and feel so unlike the old me. Has anyone felt similar after a baby? How do you find the motivation to exercise again and get it back? Sad

OP posts:
MrsS92 · 23/07/2021 20:32

Same here but my youngest will be 2 in October !
I’ve always been unhappy with how I looked but I had a flat stomach and was always slim so clothes would look alright.
Now I hate how I look and I’m a few stone heavier than I should be, I don’t get anytime to myself to do things that used to give me a confidence boost, like beauty treatments, shopping for new clothes etc.
I’ve just got rid of our full length mirror and try to change my thinking as it’s silly really, I’ve got a beautiful family and home, and a lovely husband!
Your baby is still really young too, it took your body 9 months to grow to accommodate so give it a little bit longer.
I’ve found using a derma roller on my tummy has really helped the appearance of stretch marks and crinkly skin if that is an issue for you.

feelingmehtoday · 23/07/2021 20:40

@MrsS92

Thank you for your reply. It's so hard isn't it. I don't have stretchmarks or crinkly skin, just slightly looser skin that sticks out a bit on my tummy now if that makes sense. I absolutely hate full length pictures of me now. I think it's hard when you've been used to looking and feeling a certain way about your body and suddenly it's unrecognisable.

OP posts:
Legopain · 23/07/2021 20:41

Your baby is only 4 months old. Give yourself a break and give it time

Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2021 20:46

It can be really hard right after having a baby, but it does get a lot better. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day. I do recommend you stop eating rubbish food, though. All that junk will only make you feel worse, and a healthy diet will make you feel so much better. Crap food really does a lot of damage.

Draineddraineddrained · 23/07/2021 20:56

If I were you, and I mean this kindly, I would take this as an opportunity to address how much of your self esteem/self worth is tied up in your appearance - as your body has changed and will continue to change as you age. You may be able to "bounce back" from childbirth and regain your flat tum - you're only 4 months pp, give yourself a break!! But the fact this has knocked you so badly makes me wonder how you will cope with the inevitable changes other life changes - more kids, menopause, old age - will bring.

I mean from where I'm standing you describe having a strong, healthy body that literally just created human life - you're fucking incredible! What does a pouch of skin take away from that?

One of the things I most love about having had children/getting older is that for the first time in my life I genuinely don't give a fuck how I look - and I'll assure you here and now it is not size 10/12 with a slight tummy fold 😂 I am so much more than my container. And I am not here for anyone else's viewing pleasure. I am more important than that. I am me. And I am a mother. Add another stone or redistribute what's already there in an unflattering way, let my boobs descend ever closer to my belt and let hair grow in hitherto unsullied areas - that doesn't change a thing of what I am. I'm actually thinking of finally getting the tattoo I've always wanted but was waiting "until I'm thin" - I now accept I may never be thin, but I can rock a banging sleeve at any age or size 😁

Have more respect for the amazing job your body is doing, keeping you going, making and feeding your baby, aging and gaining in experience, weathering like a standing stone or an ancient tree. Surely that's better than constantly swimming against the tide of life, trying to always look like a 22 year old ingenue?

feelingmehtoday · 23/07/2021 21:50

@Draineddraineddrained

Wow thank you so much for that. It's given me a lot to think about. I truly admire your outlook and I wish I had the same! Thanks

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PearPickingPorky · 23/07/2021 22:02

Yes, I felt this way after having DC. I didn't recognise my body anymore, it didn't feel like mine. And I hadn't even put on any weight at all, my clothes just all sat differently on me, and I wasn't comfortable with it. Also, my knackered face and post-natal thin hair didn't help.

It's only been four months, it'll get better.

What made a massive difference for me (very quickly, in about 1 week) was to do press-ups. Proper ones (not with your knees on the floor). 25 a day, and if you need to do them 5x5 at a time a first or whatever, do that. Do 25 every day, for at least a month. Your stomach will go back to being flat.

ShatParp · 23/07/2021 22:18

@Draineddraineddrained amazing positive reply! I love it.
(I too needed to read it Grin)

Draineddraineddrained · 23/07/2021 23:06

@feelingmehtoday

❤️ I don't at all mean to invalidate that you're feeling crappy about it btw - as I say, struggled with terrible low self-esteem and body shame for pretty much 2 decades before having kids. It's horrible when you're not comfortable in your skin. I hope you feel better about your body soon, by whatever means work best for you x

TreeSmuggler · 23/07/2021 23:43

I mean this nicely OP but you have gone up less than one dress size, you aren't overweight, you have no stretch marks scars or crinkly skin, yet you think you are "unrecognisable"? You sound exactly the same!

stayathomer · 23/07/2021 23:49

Youngest is 6 and I promise you it's so early to even think about your body. You've just had a human being come out of it!!! Start exercising of course if you want but do something you'll enjoy and honestly the tummy thing evens out. Congratulations op and take care of yourself and enjoy what you can BrewFlowers

Hankunamatata · 23/07/2021 23:56

I always envied my cousin her lovely flat stomach as I have mothers apron from dc3. She laughed one day and pulled up her top and her skin was like crepe paper. She just shrugged and said all our bodies change with babies.

Discovery65 · 24/07/2021 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feelingmehtoday · 24/07/2021 09:18

@TreeSmuggler

I mean this nicely OP but you have gone up less than one dress size, you aren't overweight, you have no stretch marks scars or crinkly skin, yet you think you are "unrecognisable"? You sound exactly the same!

Most of me looks similar - I have a bit more cellulite on my thighs and bum but tbh I can live with that (it used to me toned and muscle definition in my legs etc from gym/running). But that's not what bothers me, it's my tummy, that really is unrecognisable to me. I used to have ab definition. Now my tummy sticks out and I have a "tyre" type thing where it looks like my abs have given up and just collapsed 😕 it's hard to explain but if I shared a before and after you'd see what I mean. It might not sound like a drastic change but i suppose when you've gone from gym fit and toned to where I am now it really does feel like I don't recognise myself.

OP posts:
feelingmehtoday · 24/07/2021 09:18

[quote Draineddraineddrained]@feelingmehtoday

❤️ I don't at all mean to invalidate that you're feeling crappy about it btw - as I say, struggled with terrible low self-esteem and body shame for pretty much 2 decades before having kids. It's horrible when you're not comfortable in your skin. I hope you feel better about your body soon, by whatever means work best for you x[/quote]

Thank you , your reply helped a lot x

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Wjevtvha · 24/07/2021 09:28

I was like you after my second baby, went up to a size 12 and bmi off 23 so not over weight but a good stone more than I normally am and none of my jeans fit. It was hard to talk about as I felt like it was saying I was ungrateful for having had a baby.
I did weight watchers to lose the weight as I knew my mindset was that I needed to follow some kind of plan rather than just try to eat healthily and it allowed me to have some treats. I also did a lot of walking, at least an hour a day as I never found the motivation for exercise at that point. After losing the weight my tummy was a lot better but I’ve accepted that it’ll always be a bit looser than I’d like until I have the time to really put proper effort into it which I may never do as I’m not sure I’m prepared to be that restrictive with my diet.
I was gym fit and toned before my first baby 4 years ago and i did start to get that back when she was about a year although then I had another baby…

Ovarated · 23/01/2022 11:52

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