Who’s business is vaccines anyways?

[Ralph871]

I am currently trying to get pregnant (or possibly already could be) and have decided not to get the covid vaccine. I am in no way an anti vaxxer, my two children have had all of their immunisations and I myself have had pretty much every vaccine out there as I am a nurse and have worked overseas but the lack of long term data and my pregnancy plans have made me decide to wait a while before I get the vaccine.

Yesterday my father called me up and told me that unless I get the covid vaccine he and his partner will not be allowed to see his partners grandchildren, therefore him and his partner will need to split up.

Bit of background:

His partners oldest grandchild is disabled therefore high risk and her DS and DIL have stated that whilst I am unvaccinated she will not be allowed to see their children if she is spending time with my children. I have never even met her DS and DIL, we moved back to the UK in Sept 2020 and despite their oldest child going to school and second child going to (two different) nurseries 5 days a week, they have been refusing for their kids to mix with ours (my kids are 3 and 1 and only one goes to nursery, the other has been home with my husband)

So basically a man I have never met is dictating how I should live my life and now preventing my kids from having a relationship with their grandad and the woman they seen as granny although in fairness she has been quite instrumental in all of this because really how else would two strangers have known my vaccination status?

Whilst I completely understand their desire to protect their child, I find it hard to believe that they know the vaccination status of every adult who comes into contact with their children or indeed the parents of hundreds of children from nursery and school.

I’ve told my dad in no uncertain terms that this whole situation is completely inappropriate, makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I certainly will not be giving in to their demands regardless of where that leaves the relationship. I’ve spoken to lots of friends, most who have already had their vaccines, and they agree that this whole thing is lunacy.

I just feel really sad for my two wee boys, we have barely any family as it is, both my mum and MIL are dead, and FIL is elderly and not very present. I feel really bloody angry that this has happened to my family.

I should also add that I have already had covid and the likelihood of catching it again is less than that of a vaccinated person who hasn’t had it.

Am I being unreasonable?

YABU on all counts

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Your body, your choice. The declining sense of medical and bodily autonomy is worrying.

Absolutely bat shit crazy talk. Don't pander to their nonsense. Or lie?

You are unreasonable for not getting vaccinated.

Whoever told them is unreasonable for sharing your medical information.

They are being unreasonable for trying to dictate the status of everyone in peripheral and tangential contact with their child given child goes to school and has a sibling in nursery - hence I suspect it’s not entirely about vaccines and more about family relationships.

If you don’t want your kids disadvantaged by their crazy decision just lie. It’s none of their business anyway.

What would you do if your child was high risk and needed protecting from the risk of covid?

I should also add that I have already had covid and the likelihood of catching it again is less than that of a vaccinated person who hasn’t had it.

You don't know that's true.
And I'm someone as someone who has had covid, and was pretty ill with it.

And obviously you're not as protected as someone who has had covid, developed antibodies AND has been fully vaccinated.

It's you're choice, but equally the other family are also allowed to make a choice about what level of known risk they put their high risk child at.

Just because you've had covid, you can still catch it again.....

It is completely your choice not to get vaccinated. But an absolutely understandable consequence of that is other people protecting themselves, or the people they love, from the increased risk you pose. This is a side effect of being unvaccinated.

@Abraxan

I should also add that I have already had covid and the likelihood of catching it again is less than that of a vaccinated person who hasn’t had it.

You don't know that's true.
And I'm someone as someone who has had covid, and was pretty ill with it.

And obviously you're not as protected as someone who has had covid, developed antibodies AND has been fully vaccinated.

It's you're choice, but equally the other family are also allowed to make a choice about what level of known risk they put their high risk child at.

There is at least 1 study showing natural immunity is stronger than vaccinated immunity... Some other studies contradict that a bit but all studies show natural immunity is quite strong and at least similar to vaccinated immunity... So it's not someone's opinion at this point.

Regardless OP you can do what you like, but they are equally allowed to do what they like and if that means not seeing you to protect some other vulnerable people you should respect that.. just as you expect them to respect your choice to wait until after you conceive.

It's your choice.
Choices have consequences.

As for whose business it is - it's the whole of society's business, globally.

OP you won’t receive many rational responses on here in my experience. YANB even a tiny bit U, and the sooner everyone stops demanding to know the ins and outs of everyone else’s personal medical records the better. While we are on the way to a two tier society and a government which has the right to control your body (backed up by an army of vaccine warriors), we are not quite there yet, and you have EVERY right to make your own choice.

YABU.

YANBU

I think it is understandable that other people are cautious about vulnerable people they live with and wanting to limit contact with people who have high exposure. If it is just for the pregnancy, then it is unlikely to be a long-term issue.

I am pregnant and chose to wait until 20weeks to have vaccine. Some of my relatives are double jabbed, but socialise a lot - so I don’t see them while I am pregnant. This may change if I am double jabbed - but would also depend on the local case numbers. If relatives were very keen to see me, I would meet outdoors - at a distance. I’ve found that it is hard for the kids to distance, so for the moment I’d prefer it if it was just adults.

yadnbu. I think I'd kick this can down the road.
"Hmmmm" is my instinctive response.

YADNBU - even having the vaccine does not stop you catching COVID and passing it on. They have no right to dictate to you if you take it or not.

It's your choice not to have it BUT I'm CEV and the guidance is not to spend time with unvaccinated people. So neither of you are BU

I think I'd kick this can down the road.

This^^

Ignore them!
I cannot believe your father actually put it to you! In that he reminds me of mine. After years of similar stupidity, I made very clear to him that his partner is his damn problem. And if she pressures him to choose one side, it is his damn problem, not mine. I am not interested. I have never put him in the position to have to pick sides, by the way.
OP, your father is the real problem. Can you actually imagining yourself telling your children that so and so do not want you to see them? I bet you you would not. You would just say to this lot of stupid idiots to get lost, and go and see your family, without even blinking.

It's worrying that as a nurse you believe the rubbish in your OP (the stuff about vaccines, pregnancy, etc)

Choices are individual.

Neither are being unreasonable.

Not unreasonable at all for you to not get the vaccine. In turn, it's definitely not unreasonable for them to want to protect their child. I suppose it's not that unreasonable that you're upset by it all either.

Choices have consequences!