To be scared of men?

[Menissues]

Hi. I wonder if anyone can help. I think I'm scared of men.
I've had some bad experiences and now I spend my life avoiding them and 2nd guessing every move and motive if/ when I'm dating. I never get past 2nd date.

Develop yourself, your life, your friendships, your interests, your career, your self confidence you! Perhaps seek some counselling to help you process what happened at 18. Stop dating and just work on yourself. You are absolutely right to be cautious about men, most of whom are twats quite frankly. Always trust your gut instincts.

But it seems such a small thing that happened at 18 that triggered all of this

I said that. It's suck a small thing. Not like he held me down screaming or anything. I didn't struggle.

But actually it wasn't so small as it seemed and had a massive impact on my ability to trust.

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I said that. It's suck a small thing. Not like he held me down screaming or anything. I didn't struggle.

But actually it wasn't so small as it seemed and had a massive impact on my ability to trust.

This resonates so strongly with me today, I have recently stopped dating and im concentrating on me and my life for now. Im not sure i will ever trust another man again.

It's just so crap and evokes anxiety

I don't think an abusive relationship is "a small thing" OP. It's hard to get over. Some things have a lasting effect.

What scares you about 3rd dates specifically?

It's just things moving along like a 3rd date is moving closer to getting to know each other? I remember when we were kids and I was scared of boys then.

I sort of get it. Like, I tend not to have deep and meaningful friendships with people, because I find as time goes on and I discover their flaws I like them less. In some cases it's such a fundamental difference of opinion that I find I no longer want to spend time with them. So I'm happier not knowing eg their secret racist thoughts or having to be polite to their husband who they've confided is abusive.

Maybe you should explore with a therapist why you feel the way that you do. I don't think saying "don't date then" is the answer, because if you didn't want to date then presumably you'd not keep setting up dates 🤷. You can't fix a problem when you don't know what the problem is.

Unless I've misunderstood completely and when you say each date is a step closer to "getting to know each other" your using that as a a euphamism for sex. If you're scared of sex you definitely need to see a therapist because that's going to be beyond the realm of what strangers on a forum can advise on. It could be unresolved past trauma, or perhaps you're asexual or gay.

You need councelling op. You are allowed to go on a few dates and run though that's the whole point of dating.