Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If someone sent you this message and now his ex moved in round the corner what would you do about it

60 replies

Keepthemusicgoing · 23/07/2021 18:16

I have NC. I have been on MN for some time, penis beaker etc

I had this message in my FB spam folder. Not friends on FB. Dated this guy for about 2 months a few YEARS ago. Ended badly as he was awful, I thought not handling divorce well but he ended up in rehab. He’s blocked me after sending it. I never said I was going travelling so that bit is weird…

His ex wife and kids have moved in round the corner from me, I recognised them when I walked past with my dog recently so I think he might know where I live and I might have to bump into him if he picks them up.

What would you do? Wear a hoodie and dark glasses when walking dog? Get my fat boyfriend to beat him up?

If someone sent you this message and now his ex moved in round the corner what would you do about it
OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 23/07/2021 18:46

Keep the message. Do not delete it. But don’t do anything. Just keep it. Incase he does anything else. Sounds like he is going through a stage of something. Sounds angry. Keep your wits about you.

beastlyslumber · 23/07/2021 18:48

My first thoughts; he's not very literate is he? his grammar is appauling.

I hope that's a joke. Otherwise I will have to get my green pen out.

godmum56 · 23/07/2021 18:50

block on facebook and ignore

gamerchick · 23/07/2021 18:51

Keep the message. If he does it again, tell him you're sorry but you can't place him and who is he. Likewise if he talks to you in the street. Ignore ignore ignore.

beastlyslumber · 23/07/2021 18:51

OP, yes, that would make me nervous too. I would do as others say, keep the message and make a note of any future interactions (hopefully there won't be any). He is probably just seeing if he can get a reaction from you. Do you have a male partner (fat or otherwise)? If he sees you around with him, he will almost certainly keep his distance.

CassandraTrotter · 23/07/2021 18:57

@beastlyslumber

My first thoughts; he's not very literate is he? his grammar is appauling.

I hope that's a joke. Otherwise I will have to get my green pen out.

You beat me to it Grin

Op, I too would be unnerved by that. 5 years and he randomly sends a message purely to upset you? What an utter wanker.

PicsInRed · 23/07/2021 18:57

@PissedOffNeighbour22

He's probably seen you, noticed you looked happy and it's pissed him off. You're supposed to be miserable without him you know!
This. He may have seen you about when picking up or dropping of at his ex's. You dont need to tell her anything, I guarantee she already knows more of his derangement that you will ever have the misfortune to know. Good on you for getting out early at the 🚩. However this is another 🚩 - he's angry and not over it.

So what next? I would quite seriously consider moving house as he's mad, fixated, and also likely now knows where you live.

Boopeedoop · 23/07/2021 18:57

Sounds like he is off the wagon.

OhRene · 23/07/2021 19:00

If you do see him, please just burst out laughing. I've done it before with horrible exes and their face is an absolute picture. Total paranoia face. They need to know what you have on them.

kurtney · 23/07/2021 19:03

Eh? Nothing. Just delete it. Your post sounds like you want to bump into him

Concerns you how? He sounds like an immature idiot. He’s blocked you. Move on.

Really?! That message is fucking horrible and I'd be concerned if I received something like that. OP dated the guy for a short wile years ago and she suddenly gets that in her inbox. It would bother me but I'm not sure what I'd do about it, so it's perfectly reasonable for her to ask. He sounds unhinged and OP has obviously been on his mind for him to look her up and send her it.

Looubylou · 23/07/2021 19:07

He's either seen you whilst visiting his ex, or he's just been reminded of you by her new address. Is he back with her do you think? Ignore.

ThePlantsitter · 23/07/2021 19:08

What an upsetting message to receive, I'm sorry about it (and that you get no recourse, which is maddening).

If you can, dismiss it as the ravings of a madman junkie. But yes keep it in case it becomes necessary. I only mean continued harassment of this kind - people who are likely to do violent things don't do passive aggressive things like send mean FB messages and then block you. So I don't think you need to worry.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/07/2021 19:10

It has nothing to do with his ex wife.
I'd ignore while keeping an awareness when out alone.
He is an angry bitter freak.

Original poster
Keepthemusicgoing · 23/07/2021 19:11

I do have a lovely chunky boyfriend but he’s not a confrontational type 😂 he doesn’t live me either.

I would be too scared to laugh at him. He scares me a little. If I saw him in a news report for a crime I wouldn’t be shocked! I now walk very rapidly past the particular house just in case. I don’t know what car he has

Yeah I think she knows full well. I vaguely know her, they had a weird marriage tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Keepthemusicgoing · 23/07/2021 19:14

I didn’t live here when I knew him so this is a massive coincidence - no drip feed sorry.

We live in an area with a lot of towns and small villages. He lived in a town and I lived in a village about 10m apart. I moved to a new village 2 years ago, his ex very recently moved near me. I did see he was active on a local FB group for a while but not for ages, and did wonder if he had fallen off the wagon

I feel scared of him although that message was more mocking and not threatening

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 23/07/2021 19:16

Delete forget and move on.

SunshineCake · 23/07/2021 19:17

You are definitely giving this man too much head space. Why is that?

Snugglybuggly · 23/07/2021 19:18

Ignore it?!

shouldistop · 23/07/2021 19:19

Wow, what a drunken loser he is. It's a very nasty message but try not to give it any head space op.

Cotswoldmama · 23/07/2021 19:19

I think like you said it's more mockingbird Ng than threatening. I would try to put it from my mind and if you ever do bump into him don't mention the email, make him believe you haven't read it by being really friendly. In fact he would probably try to ignore you but I would go up and say something like ' long time no see, how are you how did rehab go? You look well' ( even if he looks shit) it'll completely throw him, I did it to a school bully her face was hilarious and she was speechless and just walked away!

Cotswoldmama · 23/07/2021 19:20

Whoop mocking not mockingbird!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 23/07/2021 19:21

Don't delete it. Hopefully this is the end of it but if he does anything else then it's important to be able to show this.

What to do now though? Nothing. Ignore it. It's the spiteful ranting of an inadequate twat

RightYesButNo · 23/07/2021 19:24

You said you never mentioned going travelling, never went travelling, etc. (I guess I should clarify do you mean you never said to him you were going travelling OR you never went travelling; if your Facebook or Instagram is full of travelling pictures then…) But if there’s no travelling involved, is it possible he got drunk or high, was Facebook stalking all his old exes who dumped him for being a twat, and messaged the wrong one? I mean, I’ve messaged the wrong people when I’m tired and I’m completely sober and not a twat (I hope).

Mantlemoose · 23/07/2021 19:25

I don't think I'd recognise who I dated that many years back never mind his ex wife.....................

TheSlayer · 23/07/2021 19:25

Keep the message. If any further fuckwittery: stalking, harrasment etc. Make a log, print it out and go straight to the police.
He's an absolute weirdo and I would feel nervous if I got a message like that from someone who was able to physically track me.down.