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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be sorry?

11 replies

aproblemedbride · 23/07/2021 18:12

I suppose I am sorry and upset but not sure I should be!

I was due to get married abroad, easy to access destination, return flights £50 and under. Accommodation paid for etc. Everyone was very excited, as was I.

However, Covid has obviously scraped all plans for it going ahead. We were planning to as it was this summer but due to rising UK numbers the country put too many restrictions on British travellers, so we had to postpone it.

My best friend booked her flight, she can change it until the end of the year for free but there’s nothing about after and the wedding is now next year.

I am obviously devastated and upset. DP and I are having a small legal ceremony now in the UK and friends are invited (we are paying for it all / open bar etc) and if no one wants to go abroad for the big party next year that is fine. My ceremony is in a couple of days and is local for everyone.

My best friend has sent me a random message asking how I am. I responded about some problems I’ve had, I’m in a very bad state, lots of anxiety and upset. She then responded that she’s really angry about the whole situation because I should have foreseen it being cancelled.

In my opinion, she took the risk, the flight was less than £50. She spends £50 on weed every week so I didn’t really expect it to be such a big drama. I guess I'm mostly sad because she has now sent this snarky and angry message a few days before my wedding, knowing how upset I am in general.

I paid for her dinner when we last went out which was more than £60 a head and was my treat to her, so in my mind I’ve already paid her back in a way. I’ve also paid for her dress and all the costs of feeding someone and giving them alcohol for both the hen party and my wedding day. I also definitely don’t expect any gifts.

I feel really lost, I’ve lost a lot of money too. Am I really that bad of a person? How do I respond?

OP posts:
NeverMetANiceOne · 23/07/2021 18:17

Tell her if she is that put out then don't bother any further. She's being really mean and selfish. It's been a shit time for people trying to get married (as well as many others).
She clearly doesn't realise its not about her.

How is she as a friend generally? Does the friendship bring you anything positive?

pinkcircustop · 23/07/2021 18:47

I can see both sides. When did you decide on a wedding for this summer? Because if it was in the last year then yeah, you should have known it would be cancelled and you were asking people to take a risk.

Of course she didn’t have to task that risk.

worktrip · 23/07/2021 18:54

Reply, thanks for making me feel even worse than I already do about the cancellation, delays, and upheaval around the wedding. If she's nasty back, block and delete.

aproblemedbride · 23/07/2021 18:54

@NeverMetANiceOne she is a great friend one on one. In social situations she has been VERY awful to me and had to apologise after (alcohol excuse)

@pinkcircustop 2019!

OP posts:
Orf1abc · 23/07/2021 18:59

You couldn't buy flights for summer 2021 in 2019.

pinkcircustop · 23/07/2021 18:59

That’s fair, then. She’s in the wrong and I’d just ignore her. If it happens regularly as you say in social situations I’d drop her.

She’s not a great friend if she’s only great half the time.

aproblemedbride · 23/07/2021 19:17

@Orf1abc the wedding was planned in 2019. I don’t know when she bought her flights

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/07/2021 19:18

Has she lost out on accommodation costs and other costs as well or is it literally just £50?

ChunkySloth · 23/07/2021 19:18

@NeverMetANiceOne

Tell her if she is that put out then don't bother any further. She's being really mean and selfish. It's been a shit time for people trying to get married (as well as many others). She clearly doesn't realise its not about her. How is she as a friend generally? Does the friendship bring you anything positive?
Haven't legal weddings always been able to go ahead? Just not big fuck off parties.
RJnomore1 · 23/07/2021 19:23

No they haven’t unless someone was terminally ill @ChunkySloth for large parts of the last year and a bit

I’m really not a big wedding person but actually I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong here at all op. Tell her not to buy you a wedding present and recoup her money that way 😕

Pingued · 23/07/2021 19:27

If it's just the £50 say you felt bad about it that's why you paid for her £60 meal.

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