Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

dh always inviting people back when I want to just relax

46 replies

medlenno · 23/07/2021 17:30

since restrictions ended (and when they were garden only) my dh always asks parents of children who are schoolmates (the ones he likes) to come back to have pizza (we have a pizza oven, so it's quite a hoohah) to drink his home brew. One parent (the one here now) is the 'go with the flow type' and his daughter has no bedtime (kids are 9-12) and never picks up the cues that at 11 or 10 at night is time to effing go already. He sometimes brings his speakers so we have amplified reggae in the garden ;( So I have to basically ask, explaining x y z or whatever. I need to go to bed, because hints don't work and even then it's such a tortuous long drawn out leaving that I almost lose my shit)

He works a few nights as week, I work earlies and lates and some weekend days. The last thing I need after being stuck in a boiling hot room all day with a headset and 4 screens is to go down 'GO WITH THE FLOW' Literally no lunch break, haven't left the house, just want to clear up and go to bed after and oh, I'm working 7am tomorrow as well.

I specifically asked DH not to bring him back today (there was a steady run of this over the Euros and I bit my tongue. But I just feel overrun and like the little time I do have (any day off in recent months has gone in a puff of smoke due to bubbles bursting etc)

I am sociable, but just not now. I had asked, and he agreed but obviously doesn't care. I end up being the harridan.

I can smell burning smoke, electric guitars (like as in real ones as my daughter is now showing off to him without headphones in the amp) anfd guffaws (that I usually like the sound of but it's making me cross now)

OP posts:

LannieDuck · 23/07/2021 22:59

@medlenno

the visitor's kid is with my youngest - so I can't put her to bed when they are here -

Too late now, but for another time: Yes you can. Get yours ready for bed and send visitor's kid to her dad in the garden. Suspect Dad will soon get bored if kid is no longer entertained.

LannieDuck · 23/07/2021 23:00

@justasking111

OH went fishing came back with quite a haul. Wanted people around. It's 30c our garden has no shade, I feel ill with the heat. I thought of the shopping I would have to do, prepping all the other crap, cleaning etc. Said no. Apparently I am NOT a good wife.

I did offer to go out and leave him to it

Why would you have to shop/prep/clean? He wants people round, he can do all the work that comes with it.

MrsMillhouse · 23/07/2021 23:05

Why the fuck are women marrying these complete selfish knob ends???!!

MrsMillhouse · 23/07/2021 23:06

@medlenno I’m raging on your behalf. I’d be fucking binning the pizza oven, the amplifiers and the husband.

crimsonlake · 23/07/2021 23:22

I would hate to be your neighbour, I feel sorry for them.

Wallywobbles · 23/07/2021 23:26

Fuck I'd go psycho at the friend. Say you need to leave now. And I mean within 2 minutes because I'm going to loose my shit big time. Then if tell your husband that you are going to destroy the pissa oven and his fucking bike and you want a divorce.

Wallywobbles · 23/07/2021 23:27

Ffs Pizza

CanofCant · 23/07/2021 23:36

@HappyWipings

Your husband is sounding more of a dick as the thread goes on.

If you split he could have his loud gatherings , in his own home , and you could live your life the way you want to.

Yeah, he sounds like a total nightmare. Selfish prick.

PosyBoo · 23/07/2021 23:52

You are definitely NBU!!! Is your husband actually my husband as they sound exactly the same?!! Honestly, I never loose my shit but my husband pulled this exact trick the other weekend after I’d had a day of moving my mum into a care home and I had a complete sense of humour failure! He always does it when the house isn’t looking it’s best and I have no food in and it’s always the same twaty parents that I can’t stand. The kids are lovely to be fair but because it always gets so late stuff always ends up broken and in a complete mess. He just likes the dad as he’s always up for getting pissed but claims it’s all for our DD! My sister jokes that I need to sound a fuck off alarm as they never leave before 11:30!! You have my complete sympathies.

MadameMonk · 23/07/2021 23:56

Law of Natural Consequences.

If he acts like a toddler, (wanting to play out late, making a mess, loud noise) then he gets a toddler’s consequences. Something even his tiny brain can clock and remember next time.

For me it’d be big padlocks on the bike, and his home brew down the drain. So he can concentrate fully on cleaning up and restoring the household routine the next day. The more ‘flow’ he insists on, the more structure I’d be imposing for days after. If he sulks, he can go do it out of my eyeline. Sulkers and toddlers don’t get big boy privileges or respect, do they?

Until he realises that you’re not running a hostel-with-beer garden for man-children.

TopBlogger · 24/07/2021 00:00

What time did he leave?

HollowTalk · 24/07/2021 00:35

He sounds horrible. Street angel, house devil.

sergeilavrov · 24/07/2021 01:00

While it’s your husband doing it, to the rest of the street, it’s you too. All they know is the awful neighbours who blast music and play electric guitars and have guests every day.

I’d tell him you’ve had enough, that you need a break and as he’s unable to stand by his word or compromise in your relationship: he needs to find somewhere to stay for a while until you can go see a marriage counsellor. That will help mediate these issues, and give you a moderated outlet to bring up his failures to stand by his word. It’ll either be the kick up the backside he needs, or you find out he’s a selfish arsehole to the end and your neighbours will be thrilled at his permanent departure

stayathomer · 24/07/2021 02:03

I'm hearing this from so many people lately and what you said: 'I am sociable, but just not now.' Really struck a chord. Why do women have to justify themselves like this? I hear so many women say that their partners are trying to get them to make friends, or say what you say. If we want to just be on our own or within our little families at the weekend why do we have to justify ourselves?! It's great to see people have chats etc, but we shouldn't have people foisted on us weekly, especially when you think of the inequality that's known to exist in terms of women doing more housework ie they're the one preparing and cleaning up after quests. I love people visiting but if you don't and especially given how things turn then that's fine too!!

timeisnotaline · 24/07/2021 02:12

He sounds exhausting to be with. I’d be fed up permanently.

timeisnotaline · 24/07/2021 02:13

@sergeilavrov

While it’s your husband doing it, to the rest of the street, it’s you too. All they know is the awful neighbours who blast music and play electric guitars and have guests every day.

Pretty much this. He ignores your opinion, you’re not left with much but nuclear.

Susannahmoody · 24/07/2021 02:50

Sounds bloody horrendous

GiantHaystacks2021 · 24/07/2021 04:16

Twat.
I would kill him.

Also - is he an alcoholic?

Bogeyes · 24/07/2021 04:26

He sounds like a selfish arrogant horrible man. Do any of the neighbours speak to you? You sound like THAT family.....every street has one!

ShippingNews · 24/07/2021 04:47

God I feel sorry for your neighbours !

Isthisit22 · 24/07/2021 07:44

Sounds like this is part of a bigger problem in your marriage.
Don't accept that you have no voice and he's the victim. It's time for marriage counseling or for him to go. Resentment oozes from your post (not just about the guests- the housework, the hobbies, etc) and that is no way to live

Flip

1 2