Argument with dh

[Newjobnewstart]

So i dont think i am being unreasonable but have to get some perspective.
Last night dh was having a few drinks with a friend. Up till about 1am. All good no issues with him catching up. My issue is that he was working this morning and has a 40 minute drive to get to work. He said he would be fine (5 pints of cider/2 beers)

I went down and told him that he wouldnt be able to drive today, he said he would be fine! I got a bit ratty here and told him i would hide his keys. I did shout a bit which im mortified and think his friend left not long after.

He is now away to work but i have no clue if he arrived ok and worried sick as well as pissed off! Am i being controlling?

You cant control someone elses actions, even if you believe its for the better good.

If asking someone to stop drinking to try and avoid them breaking the law is controlling, then how do you get anything done? I ask my husband to do stuff all the time - can you feed the kids, because I working, can you put the bins out because I've hurt my back - is that controlling? I don't really understand how some relationships work if one partner is allowed NO input or even to comment on the other's behaviour without being accused of trying to control them.

@Shoxfordian

Yabu

He’s an adult and you’re treating him like a teenager

I'll say that to the wife of my brother who was killed by a drunk driver who had been drinking the night before and was still 2 x over the limit and driving to work when he mounted the pavement and mowed my lovely brother down shall I?

@Drivingmeupthewall

What would you have preferred he did to get to work? Presumably he drives for work as you said his job would be lost if he lost his licence.

That's ok then, crack on driving after you've got pissed.

I’m sorry for your loss but I don’t see that it’s relevant.

I wouldn’t tell my partner he couldn’t drive and hide his keys, he’s an adult and he makes his own choices.

Get a breathlyser, and then next time he has a drinking session (hopefully on a day when he's not driving in the morning), test in the morning. Either it will prove to him that he might still be over the limit, or it will reassure you that he's not. If it's anywhere close to borderline, perhaps you can agree that it's worth testing in future, or erring on the side of caution about how much to drink.
Obviously if you use this as a benchmark, you need to be aware that different timing and different amount of food could make a difference, but it might be a useful start.

@Drivingmeupthewall

What would you have preferred he did to get to work? Presumably he drives for work as you said his job would be lost if he lost his licence.

Taxi. Or a day's leave. If he does drive for his work and he's found to be over the limit I dare say he'd be dismissed for gross misconduct

I wouldn’t tell my partner he couldn’t drive and hide his keys, he’s an adult and he makes his own choices.

Really? Does that extend to other crimes as well? Would you leave him wandering in the road drunk even if you thought he could get injured or cause an accident? Would you not help him make safe choices if his judgement were impaired in any other way such as being concussed, hypoglycaemia or feverish?

Again, I'm really surprised by how little interest some people take in their partners' wellbeing and their impact on society. I'm pretty sure I would intervene if I saw a stranger trying to drive drunk (and I have when I worked in a pub) because when someone's judgement is impaired they make choices that are dangerous to everyone. I see it as part of being a member of a community to try and help, much like finding parents of a lost child or helping someone change a tyre if you are able.

@Shoxfordian

I’m sorry for your loss but I don’t see that it’s relevant.

I wouldn’t tell my partner he couldn’t drive and hide his keys, he’s an adult and he makes his own choices.

If my partner drove and was over the limit I would report them to the police.

FWIW I’ve had crossed words with my DH on the same subject. He doesn’t touch a drop if he’s driving but doesn’t exercise the same principles if he’s drinking the night before an early drive! Really annoys me, I can’t abide drink driving- selfish and careless!

@DysmalRadius

You cant control someone elses actions, even if you believe its for the better good.

If asking someone to stop drinking to try and avoid them breaking the law is controlling, then how do you get anything done? I ask my husband to do stuff all the time - can you feed the kids, because I working, can you put the bins out because I've hurt my back - is that controlling? I don't really understand how some relationships work if one partner is allowed NO input or even to comment on the other's behaviour without being accused of trying to control them.

This 100%.

I am getting so sick of this shit. Why is it that when someone (typically a woman) expresses her opinion on something she is "controlling".

I think the 50s called and is asking for its sexism back.

If you drink four pints of medium-strong beer or four large glasses of wine, it can take as long as 14 hours for the alcohol to clear your system. It’s not just a case of being over the drink drive limit, you are THIRTEEN times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash if you are at (but not over) the English limit. Just a small amount of alcohol slows your reaction time, inhibits judgement and reduces both concentration and co-ordination - increasing the likelihood of an accident. If you are driving the ‘morning after the night before’, test your alcohol level with a personal breathalyser – you can buy them at alcosense.co.uk

I don't think I've seen a post more relevant @Shoxfordian

And yanbu OP