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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car tracker...

17 replies

OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 08:58

Morning!

I noticed this morning an ad while scrolling online on my phone. Now, for context, the ads I see are generally targeted, whatever me and DP have been discussing or searching for, we seem to get ads for - on each other's devices (weird, yes).

So, occasionally I work i nthe office, mostly from home but the odd day I come in. DP said yesterday (he can be funny about it) that he would drive me in. Fine I said, happy with that, saves me hunting for parking! Anyway, because I was Ok with it he later said no actually I won't if that's Ok, he doesn't need the car during the day.

The ad that popped up this morning is for a car tracking device.

So, AIBU in thinking that actually, he's just decided to get a tracker to see where I go, rather than chauffeur me around?

For context, things have been rough over the course of our 8 year relationship, only one of us has lied about where they have been and it wasn't me. He has also increasingly been complaining about how long I take to do the shopping and keeps mentioning old flames who have been in touch. This used to get a rise out of me, but no longer and I think it bugs him.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 23/07/2021 09:02

Given the context you have mentioned it does sound highly likely it’s a possibility.
What are you going to do?

Essentialgarage · 23/07/2021 09:05

We have had over the years around a dozen cars booked in so that we can look for a tracker, we have found two, both on the underside of the car so not somewhere the driver was likely to find.

Original poster
OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 09:09

To be honest, as I've nothing to hide, I probably wouldn't do anything, yet.

@Essentialgarage where abouts would be best to look? I know it won't be on there now, as he will have only looked last night. I might check the website and see what the delivery timeline is, then look next week perhaps..

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 23/07/2021 09:28

It does sound suspicious, as though he was testing you to see if you would object to him driving you to work and has now come up with a more subtle way to keep tabs on you. Projection seems likely - do you have any concerns about where he's going when he is not with you?

Original poster
OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 09:46

Not really - we only have one car between us at the moment, and so I don't think he's off and about anywhere. He has just gone on social media (for work - I'm not on it), and whether that's putting him in touch with people I don't know.

He is regularly in touch with exes, which used to drive me insanely jealous. However, a lot about me has changed, particularly since working from home with Covid and all that, and I've realised I actually don't care anymore. I'm not sure if that annoys him, and so he's trying to trip me up and see if I'm up to anything..

I don't know how I'd approach it if I did find anything on the car, mind you!

OP posts:
MrMerlot · 23/07/2021 10:02

From an outsider's perspective, if you manage to draw that conclusion from those facts, there is a worrying amount of suspicion and dishonesty in your relationship. Are you getting worried about other things he says and does?

There could well be a reasonable explanation for the strange behaviour. But the secrecy is what is worrying. It is suspicious that someone would be so secretive about their movements, and 'getting funny about it' does sound like it's a way of stopping the subject being discussed.

Not trying to be any kind of expert on the subject, but I think a non-accusatory discussion about eachother's movements may help. Not dwelling on old arguments, but drawing a line under the past and talking about how you both want to be treated by each other in the future.

TheGenealogist · 23/07/2021 10:08

The adverts I have to the right of this thread are for Apple Watches and Honda cars.

I have no interest in purchasing either, and neither does anyone else in the house.

rothbury · 23/07/2021 10:14

It sounds like this relationship is dead in the water anyway?

youdoyoutoday · 23/07/2021 10:15

Are you actually happy together or just stuck in a rut because you've been together for 8 years?
This type of behaviour seems odd on both your parts.

cinammonbuns · 23/07/2021 10:22

I’m not sure why people think an ad means that he has been a etching for a tracker? What? I have an ad for the Kennel club on this page. I have never owned a dog.

Original poster
OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 10:22

We had a very rough couple of years, during which I was supporting us both financially and emotionally, and he was busy chatting with exes etc. We had several enormous rows, and then chats, and then I found my backbone and said no more, I'm going.

Things have been much better since then. I am aware he carries a lot of baggage from previous relationships, and so I alsways let him know where I am. I will send a photo just on a whim (but we both know he can see I really am where I say I am), I will call him from my office ohone to reassure him. I just struggle with him still not believing me. I have never not been where I said I was!

I am probably overly wary because of previous situations. Me not being concerned or jealous about him chatting to exes seems to unsettle him, which I find odd, unless he preferred it when I was jealous? Who knows.

I have only recently started coming back to the office and that seems to have kicked things off.

Perhaps a year of being together 24/7 while both working from home hasn't been as positive as I thought! (On both our sides!)

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 23/07/2021 10:33

If you do find a tracker device, I suggest you remove it and attach it to the collar of a friendly dog. Or pop it on to any other random car. That should be fun.

Original poster
OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 10:41

@AmandaHoldensLips YES! That is exactly what I'll do!

OP posts:
StapMe · 23/07/2021 10:46

What? Nobody's said you should LTB yet?

oohmama · 23/07/2021 10:58

You do realise you deserve better than this op????????

TrueRefuge · 23/07/2021 11:02

Do you even want to be in a relationship like this?

Original poster
OriginalTaste · 23/07/2021 11:16

If this is just a blip, echoing back to what we went through before, then I know we will be ok, as long as it passes as our routines change.
If this is a sign of things to come, and indeed I do find a tracker, then he can track me all the way out of the door!

OP posts:
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