to think that there is more to life than what you need?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

My mother.

Dont get me wrong I love her very much and I think its up to her how she lives her life but she seems to think that everyone else should live the same way.

The phrase "But you/we dont need..." x y or z. Christmas is a prime example. My BIL, DF and DS all love Xmas pudding but my mother will say "Well we dont need pudding do we?" so no one gets any. Well they didnt until the year my sister bought one and said "No we dont need it but some of us want it so I'll pop this in the microwave" She didnt put ma out, it didnt cost her anything yet she clearly disapproved. My sister and BIL went away for 5 days with Ma and Pa and they had lamb chops for dinner. My sister bought them. She got them three each on the basis that there is barely a mouthful on a lamb chop. Ma was horrified "But you dont need more than one" and that was when we found out that my (not overweight, not a greedy guts, not on a diet) father was only allowed one for a meal. Sis served him three anyway and said that if ma only wanted one she would give the others to BIL and Pa. She ate them.....funny that!

Latest one is that I took DD for an ice cream at a local pub grub place. As it was they didnt have any ice cream so we bought ingredients for a sundae and made our own. "But just an ice cream would have done, you dont need a sundae with fruit and cream" I snapped at her and said "No we dont need it but frankly after the year we have had I am happy to give the kids things that they want occasionally. And if I want a pudding I will have one. If I want a second glass of wine, I will have one."

It made for a very joyless childhood with treats so few and far between that when we did get a treat we went mad as we knew it would be months before the next one.

AIBU to think its ok to indulge ones desires occasionally because honestly I do sometimes wonder if I am a gluttonous spendthrift hedonist by the way she reacts!

FYI she isnt ill or dieting. I am not overweight (verging on underweight if anything due to illness) but she was extremely stingy when we were growing up (not poor by any means just hated spending money on things she didnt deem important so her hair was done every 6 weeks but my sister and I werent allowed the odd comic or ice cream...)

I sympathise by the way!

@Whycangirlsbesonasty

Do you think it is maybe a touch of snobbiness? My mum is exactly like this, and I thinks she finds buying new things, and overeating ‘vulgar’. You know like the thread on here about how the upper class often wear clothes for years with holes in etc.

Maybe a bit.... but in the 70's working class becoming middle class and worrying about fitting in kind of way.

I thinks thats where the "for best" thing comes from. Anything nice should be saved for best, no matter if its grown out of (kids) or desperately out of fashion or whatever, you should always have nice smart "best" clothes whenever you go somewhere. Sort of working class pride mixed with middle class curtain twitching.

I know it blows her mind that my sister and I refuse to save things for best. If I have a nice dress that suits the day or weather or whatever, I will wear it. I wore my new Monsoon dress (big treat bought from birthday money!) to the supermarket last year during lockdown. She was horrified that I wasnt saving it for best. But couldnt answer when I asked what the "best" was likely to be given lockdown etc.

Weirdly I think she sort of admires my sister and me for our fuck you attitude to these invisible rules. We are of the opinion that if rules are invisible then we cant see them so dont have to follow them! I suspect she is envious of our ability to not give a shit about what people think, but thats probably only because of how she is.

Sounds like my MIL.

Once on about the third day into a visit, DH and I were tired of sitting in the living room all staring at each other, so he suggested we might go to the pub. She looked completely baffled and said, "Why on earth would you want to do that?"

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Sounds like my MIL.

Once on about the third day into a visit, DH and I were tired of sitting in the living room all staring at each other, so he suggested we might go to the pub. She looked completely baffled and said, "Why on earth would you want to do that?"