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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I wasted my youth being self conscious?

3 replies

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 22/07/2021 17:04

this is not a fat shaming thread.

I've been fat for my whole adult life. I can't really remember when I went above a size 12, but I remember becoming a size 12 in year 11 and not being at all bothered. Like all things it became just another thing I was adapting to, becoming an adult, buying size 16 work trousers for my waitressing job, learning to cook for myself, moving out. All these experiences rolled into one. Somewhere along the way I became 'plus size' aged 21. I couldn't buy a dress in a high street shop.
What I feel sad about now, is that I didn't care at the time, but looking back I was so self conscious. Getting ready for a night out, I felt good, then one comment, one comment, one comparative look at a best friend who had put in less effort and yet looked incredible, those are the memories which stay with me. I had a night out in Madrid, someone thought I was pregnant on the metro going to the bar which ruined my whole evening. Why isn't the night out the memory?
Having now lost weight I'm angry that I wasted my youth this way. I wasn't happy, I was existing. I should have felt free, but I felt anything but. I should have spent evenings dancing, but instead I was leaving places early to get a subway and go back home. I stayed in crap relationships, friendships, jobs.
I just feel so sad for younger me that i didn't feel I was worth more. Regardless of weight, everyone should have some carefree years to look back on. And I don't feel I had that.
Please note that you may be plus size and have had a fabulous youth. You could have been a size 6 and could have related to everything I've said. This isn't really about weight.

OP posts:
Francescaisstressed · 22/07/2021 17:07

Tbh, I think if it hadn't have been your weight, you would have worried about another aspect of yourself. I look back and think at times I thought I looked ugly and fat, I was actually looking great. I think as you grow up, your perspective shifts and you learn things later. It sounds like you are doing great now, plenty of time left ♥️

Fairyliz · 22/07/2021 17:13

I was a size 8 in my 20’s and felt self conscious, but when I look back I was pretty hot.
Dd (24) is absolutely gorgeous and I regularly tell her so, but guess what she doesn’t believe me.
Unfortunately I think it’s just a just a thing most women go through and regret with the benefit of hindsight.

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 22/07/2021 17:22

I think there is a difference when you're not a size 8. People do judge fat people, you've just got to look at MN!

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