To be concerned about DS’ relationship?

[saiwai]

My son is 16, he'll be 17 in September. About 2 months ago, he introduced us to his girlfriend, said that they'd been dating since February and that she's also 16. Recently, he's asked if she could stay over, I said yes as I've always let my DCs have their boyfriend/girlfriend over once they're 16 and if they've been together for more than 2 months.

My eldest came to me today and told me that they found the girls Instagram account and that she's 15, and she only turned 15 in April.

I'm now very concerned, especially if they're in a sexual relationship as she's underage! DS doesn't know that I know yet but I have no idea what I'm going to say to him.

Bump

Well, don't let her stay again?

Talk to your dc about the fact that his girlfriend is underage and that he will be committing an offence if they have sex. Make it clear that she is too young to consent. I presume you you have already talked to him previously about contraception/safety etc. Ultimately, you can't stop them from doing anything, but you can at least warn him.

Personally, I wouldn't have let her stay in the first place, but we're all different. Were her parents happy for her to stay at your house or did you not check?

Is she definitely 15? She may have just forgotten to update her ‘bio’?

I didn't ask her parents as I don't know them, but she did say they were fine with it although I don't believe that anymore!

Yes, she is definitely 15 as she posted photos on her birthday.

Tell DS you know she is 15, that he will be committing an offence if he has sex with her, and - as a consequence of breaking your trust by lying about her age - when she does turn 16 she won't be allowed to sleep over as that trust needs to be earned back.

Your son should dump her. She can’t be trusted.

No I wouldn't let her stay

@Teaandjam

Your son should dump her. She can’t be trusted.

How do you know OPs son didn't know?

Well, they've broken your house rule and your trust and whichever/both are to blame you have to say that's it for sleeping together at your house. That gives you some breathing space to work out what to do next.

I'm no expert, but what legally could happen?

@saiwai

I didn't ask her parents as I don't know them, but she did say they were fine with it although I don't believe that anymore!

Yes, she is definitely 15 as she posted photos on her birthday.

so she's recently 15, meaning she was only 14 when they began dating/she started staying over?

I think definitely contact her parents.

Though it’s not ideal her being 15, please don’t threaten your son like other posters have suggested with saying he is committing an offence. I’ve worked with teens for years and no 16 year old has ever been arrested or in trouble for consensual sex with a 15 year old.

The legal side is pretty grey. Under 13s cannot legally consent to having sex. 16 year olds can consent. If your son was 18 and his girlfriend under 16 then that would be more worrying legally.

Personally I would be having a conversation with your son, girlfriend and her parents. If they are grown up enough to be spending overnights together then they’re grown up to have a conversation around consent and protection. I would also be having a conversation about sexting/ sending nudes because if they have already been sexually active and now are going to be kept apart, I would be more worried about sending pictures to each other. Having nudes of under 18s on his phone is classed as child pornography, even if she or he consented to this and sent the images.

So there is a school year between them?
Whilst i would, nt condone under age sex i also wouldnt listen to over the top posters on mumsnet who generally talk crap about these issues.