How to support someone with a chronic illness?

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DP has RA. He pretends he is fine but I know he is not. Yesterday he could barely walk and his meds don't seem to be doing much. He has gone from being a very sociable man who loved a dance to someone who struggles to walk. He said he is fine but I see the changes in him and feel like he is just saying that so he doesn't burden us. Is it possible to just be 'fine' after a chronic health diagnosis?

I have a chronic illness and in my experience people don't know how to handle it at all. Because they only see me when I'm feeling ok ( good and bad days) they think I'm ok, and everyone soon gets fed up with hearing about it, so I don't talk about it.
As a supporting partner, you see it all. And live with it all. Could you have a 1-10 scale of wellness, so your DP can say "today is a 6" rather than "fine" which is a bit more nuanced?
I'm fortunate to have a brilliant husband who totally gets it. I tell him when I'm feeling particularly "Wolfie" ( I have lupus) and he looks after me.

As PP said, I also learnt to say 'I'm fine' because people get fed up of hearing about it and I end up feeling like a burden/drain if I say how I really feel. Also, sometimes I get fed up of talking about it because it can't be changed anyway. So that may play a part with your DP too.
At the same time with certain chronic illnesses it is possible to have better days than others. So 'fine' is some times to a certain extent, true.
It sounds like you are very supportive to him and that will mean more to him than him offloading how he actually feels. I would say don't push him to say more than he is fine, but make it clear to him he can always talk to you about it if needed. If you see him struggling (in my experience) I would rather someone notice and voluntarily help with something, rather than me have to flag up how I'm struggling, because I feel like a burden when I need to ask for the help.

I have RA. I am on a biologic which has changed my life. I'm pretty much symptom free. It's called Cimzia. I also became vegan because I was later diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and o have found myself feeling significant improvement in the little residual pain I had from the RA.

I would say in terms of support for someone with RA when they have pain, the answer is follow their emotional lead. I often "powered through" and it was important to me not to be treated like a cripple. Accepting a diagnosis and living with it forever is big, and a study refusal to allow your life to be over dominated by it is difficult but ultimately the best way. Feeling like a burden is not something that anyone wants to feel, and making an effort to still feel like myself as opposed to RAPerson was a huge part of me coping. If he's anything like me he doesn't want to lose himself to the illness. Believe him and trust his judgement and go with it.

It's lovely that you want to support him and of course there may be days when the front of IM FINE slips. The days they don't......go with it.

And push for a biologic. NHS doesn't like prescribing them because they are expensive.....but my god has it changed my life. I'm in Spain so I was fortunate that it was first line treatment for me but there are ways to get it in the UK. Best of luck. And yes
Follow his lead. A stoic approach to RA is, I believe, the best option because it's forever ....and he's still the man he was and wants to preserved that. Let him.

HTH.

Understand that he'll have good and bad days, and even when you think he's having a good day he's probably lying about it!!

The kindest thing people did for me other than being there was actually researching into what my chronic illness is.

I reiterate...follow his lead. If he doesn't want to talk about it, but is taking his medication and so on, then that's fine and probably his way of coping. I don't talk about it much either. I prefer as much as possible to pretend its not happening and live my life not thinking of myself as an invalid. I felt the same mid my worst ever flare when I was pretty much immobile.i didn't want to lose who I was.

My DH has multiple serious conditions that affect his mobility and cause him a huge amount of pain.

Yesterday he went for a scan and it took several people multiple attempts for nearly 2 hours just to get a cannula into him. They couldn't believe how laid back and unbothered he was by all it all. He ended up with one in his foot!

When we see any doctors I always have to remind him not to reply 'great' when they ask how he is. He finds it really difficult because, as he says, "In my head I am".

He suffers so much on a daily basis but most of the time he would tell you that he's the luckiest person alive.

Some people just seem to cope with illness better than others. Maybe your DP genuinely feels that he is "fine"

Thanks all. Appreciate it x

I have a chronic illness but nothing like RA. The way I deal with it is to employ a generous dose of deep denial and to force it into the background of my life.

It has the disadvantage that it means that exacerbations can sneak up on me and I don't see the doctor as much as I should but I intend to muscle as much life out of living as I can and that won't happen feeling sorry for myself or making it the foreground of my everyday.

@Changednamesorry has nailed it!

I also have RA and would recommend he fights hard for a biologic. Mine is benepali and it’s changed everything for me.

RA is forever like PP said, so you have to be resilient and try not to wallow in the woe is me- which is HARD sometimes. I echo to follow his lead, and do a 1-10 pain scale.

Once his meds are in order it’s perfectly possible to lead a normal life with RA. I often don’t feel any different to ‘normal’ people and many people don’t even know I have it because I haven’t flared in a while. Push push push to sort out the meds and the rest will fall into place and he will be back to himself. Good luck

I too have RA, and 2nd/3rd that you should push for a biologic. And sooner rather than later before physical changes that cannot be reversed take place. I found the biological life changing, but before I started taking it I needed a double knee replacement and other changes include hand malformations and inability to straighten my arm because of damage to the elbow.

That being said, I do know people who have achieved satisfactory remission from taking methotrexate, but it just didn't work for me.

It’s lovely how much you want to support him.
Not the same at all but I have fibro and other issues. Finding things I can enjoy is key for me. We often laugh and chat over dinner which really lifts my spirits. Finding a way to do my hobbies and being able to say if it’s a less good day are key. I can tell DH if something is bad. Just in passing. It makes me feel I’m not on my own with it. Sometimes he asks if he can help in any way. Takeaway etc.
Honestly? Just knowing someone loves you and wants you to feel better is a huge help.