To be irritated by this...

[Keepforgettingtoremember]

NC for this because I'm feel a bit embarrassed and unsure of my feelings in the matter.

I'm feeling resentful of DH - but part of me thinks bringing it up will just cause an argument and part of me me thinks I may be being grabby.

But another part of me thinks the principle of the matter stands!

Anyway the issue is...

We recently had a big anniversary. I'm not really a person who is big in to this type of thing. I'm not looking for ostentatious displays etc. Just a thoughtful gift, flowers or a meal.

I try to buy thoughtful gifts but nothing ott. I'm not a millionaire!

Prior to anniversary DH said he would like to buy me something special as it was a big one.

I was very touched at the thoughtful gesture.

But sadly that has what it has remained...a thought. We are now a number of months down the line and I've received nothing.

I'm so pissed off, because I didn't even want anything and he offered and has now done sweet FA, other than make a lovely suggestion.

At this point I feel taken for granted. I have mentioned in passing that nothing has been forthcoming and I get "oh yeah, don't worry I'm looking"

I feel that if I have to remind him it's not worth having as if feels forced. This is also not an isolated incident. This is pretty much how he is.

He does have a very busy job, but I'm busy too and I manage to remember stuff.

Outside of this we have a lovely life. I want for nothing and he makes it so my life is as easy as possible. Which makes me feel confused about my feelings.

I'm really in a muddle. Any advice gratefully received!

I think other posters are missing the point. He dangled a nice thing in front of you and then didn't make the effort to follow through - I'm sure if he'd never mentioned it you wouldn't be nearly so bothered (although you do sound fed up in general, regardless of the gift).

People who are calling you a princess seem not to be getting the fact that you aren't bothered about him paying for nice stuff, you just want to feel like a priority. I think that's really important OP because over time feeling like an afterthought really erodes your love and big household items don't help, no matter how expensive they are.

Another issue is that you can't talk to him about it, that he won't listen to your feelings and make it all about him. He sounds like someone who happily throws money at you but is unwilling to put in real effort or to listen to how you feel.

My advice would be to lay your cards on the table, clearly, without arguing and don't let him wriggle out by turning it on you. That might be very hard to do in practice though.

@SleepingStandingUp Yes! I feel like you really understand what I'm trying to say.

I think this is why he would be defensive if I pulled him up on it.

I fully believe he works as hard as he does so that we can all have whatever we want without a second thought.

But his idea of giving her my idea of giving seems to be quite different in. I don't want flashy things and to have to remind him. Id rather a heartfelt cheap box of chocolates that he's thought of himself

@TheDailyCarbunkle this is what I need to do but was unsure of my position. Whether I was being grabby or feeling taken for granted. What you say is how I feel.

I'm generally happy but this has knocked me off kilter a bit, and I think it's that I haven't felt able to verbalise it that's made me feel fed up

@Keepforgettingtoremember

He mentioned something specific which I would have been happy to receive. You mention it in your list. Sorry I can't to be too specific in case I out myself!

You are not going to “out yourself” by mentioning a specific gift from the list of PP. you are being ridiculous in saying that and in fact just generally ridiculous about the whole thing considering what he does do.

Maybe you need to start counting your blessings and accept that your DH is not perfect either, heavens maybe you aren’t either. You behave like a spoilt princess for a start.

@Aprilx if I feel it would leave me open to identification I don't have to name the gift. Unless I've missed something in MN rules?

You may well feel I'm ridiculous and that's your call. This is an issue which has troubled me hence my reaching out for advice.

If your advice is to count my blessings I will take that onboard along with all the other comments I've been received.

Have a nice day

I get you, OP! I had a milestone birthday a couple of years ago (pre pandemic) … DH asked me for some ideas for a present (we usually don’t do gifts) and I compiled a list of six or seven things and told him to pick one. About a fortnight before my birthday, he informed me that the suggestions weren’t ‘special’ enough: he wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery or a watch. I said lovely, but I don’t really want to choose over the Internet, we need to go somewhere. Yes, no problem I’ll sort a day off work, he said… Two years later, and I’m still waiting. I would have been more than happy with one of the gifts off my list, but instead, I got nothing. He still claims he’s going to buy the thing I have chosen - I actually found something online and he could quite easily either buy online or go to the store – but it still hasn’t happened. Why suggest it if he wasn’t going to follow through? He’s a great person but it irks me that he suggested this and didn’t follow through. Like you say, I don’t see why I should have to keep prodding him and reminding him about it. But I did tell him how I felt last birthday, when he mentioned it again: I think I told him to shove it up his arse! It doesn’t bother me particularly any more: he was raised to not really care about birthdays – he was lucky if he got something off his mother at all.

@Piffle11 this is exactly the same. I'm sad for both of us, but glad my husband isn't the only one

I don't even want the sodding present! I just wanted him to follow through on his suggestion.

This behaviour is so unnatural to me as I would be embarrassed to do this to someone.

He's such a good guy in general that I'm genuinely perplexed by this!

I hope you treated yourself to something nice for your birthday