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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my 11 year old son to put his bl**dy phone down - anyone got any advice

15 replies

chlloee · 21/07/2021 23:28

Our beloved son was given a mobile phone at Easter because he is becoming more independent and so wanted to be able to contact us and other people and also beause it seems everyone else in his class has them and he was missing out (I know these arent the best of reasons but he wanted it and we agreed in the end after much nagging)

Anyway he does keep in contact with he friends on it but primarily he uses it to watch Youtube videos. They seem to be mainly about Minecraft which he then goes on to play. He seems to come down for breakfast at 7 and then watch for a good half an hour before everyone else gets up and then watches at other moments in the day. It is getting very frustrating - we dont mind him watching and also playing games every so often but it seems its all the time. I fear that in the summer holidays if we let him this is all he would do and we dont want to be constantly checking up on him

Has anyone got any advice about how we can tackle this? We dont really want to take phone away or take youtube off but have other people had success with saying only 20 minutes of you tube a day or similar? Or do we need to be more direct and just take the phone off him. We want to be liberal and easy going but this is driving us up the wall!

OP posts:

AfterSchoolWorry · 21/07/2021 23:29

20 minutes of you tube a day?

That's a bit harsh, he's 11 not 3 !!!

Nuggetnugget · 21/07/2021 23:30

You need to set times for it. So an hour and a half a day or whatever you are comfortable with.
If he complains or sneaks it... None the next day.

Pinchoftums · 21/07/2021 23:30

We use an app that you get set the limit they are in their phones for. My boys get an hour a day of screens, phones included, they are older than your son and it works.

Nuggetnugget · 21/07/2021 23:31

20 mins isn't really fair either. I watch more you tube than that myself as a sensible grown up. You need to be strict. You cant be Liberal and enforce boundaries at the same time.

neroforte · 21/07/2021 23:33

LOL at 1hr a day screen time on everything for older teens

WindowsSmindows · 21/07/2021 23:33

I have a similar problem. We gave my 11 yo open access to the day shop next door. We had reasons to offer anyone's who asked but the honest reason was because he nagged us and we gave in for a quiet life.
However, now all he eats is chocolate crisps and sweets.
He might eat toast for breakfast but then he hears upstairs with his arms full of sugar..
I'm not even sure if he's brushing his teeth and he's really overweight now.
Has anyone any tips on how I could get him to see what he is doing is unhealthy?

bridgetreilly · 22/07/2021 00:45

Dinnertime app.

lannistunut · 22/07/2021 00:56

How much are you on your phone? If a lot, you need to firstly stop that so you can make a rule without being a hypocrite.

Then you have to work out the rule you think is appropriate and stick to it. you must never waver as any weakness and you are back to square one.

The problem is this IMO: We dont really want to take phone away or take youtube off - it is your job as a parent to work out what you think is right and to set that out.

I am a proper liberal on all sorts of things, but when there is the need for a rule, we have a rule. When there is no need for a rule, we don;t have one.

RonaldMcDonald · 22/07/2021 00:57

First of all the adults also have to practice what you preach
If restricted screen time is important for him, it must be for the rest of the family, including all adults
If you restrict yourself to 20 mins then that is reasonable - if not…..

jellybe · 22/07/2021 01:11

Mmm... he's 11, your the parent decide what your rules are for his phone an stick to them. My DD has set times she can access stuff like YouTube on her phone and once that time is up she can't access it fir the rest of the day. Also, her phone turns to brick mode between 9pm and 8 am so she isn't trying to sneak it up to bed - it charges in the living room.

Honestly if you want him off his phone you got to be the parent and set the boundaries.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2021 01:26

You're not his friend, you're his parent. If you aren't happy with the amount of time he spends on his phone, then YES, you take it off of him. He's 11, not 18. You make the rules and he follows them.

Mrstreehouse · 22/07/2021 01:43

You need to set a time limit and then take it off him when that’s up, also check phone regularly. Recently 11 year old child ( friends son) was groomed over FB so please be alert. It’s a ball ache but needs to be done. Or add netnanny app ( lots of similar ones about).

Farwest · 22/07/2021 01:51

11 years old? The phone lives with you, and he gets agreed, time-limited access to it. So when it's not his time, the phone is somewhere out of reach.

CrumpetyTea · 22/07/2021 02:01

We dont really want to take phone away or take youtube off but have other people had success with saying only 20 minutes of you tube a day or similar?
tough- you are going to have to!
My 11 year old would stay on permanently if unchecked (I don'tb get youtube myself) - we just have time limits. You can set them in the phone if necessary and App by App

LimitIsUp · 22/07/2021 11:46

Don't sweat the small stuff - mine spent a lot of time on screens (and still do) and turned out fine (now 17 & 19). 17 year old is in 6th form, has plenty of friends and gets out to play football (with a club) but still loves gaming and YouTube. 19 year old dd is taking a year out before going to Uni, working in a coffee shop short term, and seeing her friends (but has to catalogue everything on Instagram). It's just the way things are

Perhaps organise a few fun activities and days out if he isn't good at self regulating - far better to keep his time on the phone limited by employing the carrot rather than the stick

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