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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Repairing a friendship or leaving it

3 replies

Abs1992 · 21/07/2021 21:58

In my late twenties, me and a friend have had some problems as we both have very different values/ways of doing things. I really value my friendships and feel that everyone needs to make a little effort, while still accepting that we’re all different and everyone has different stuff to do so totally not expecting to speak 24/7 or see each other every week. But just that effort to show they care and want to see or at least speak to you sometimes. She seems the opposite, not needing regular conversation, not seeming interested in her friends lives really and only wanting to see people on special occasions (birthdays etc, and even then often giving minimal time). I think my ‘love language’ (sorry cringe) is quality time, so this is hard for me. It’s like, I feel she doesn’t make enough effort and she feels like I expect too much. Her ways make me feel bad because I feel like she doesn’t care/value my friendship and my ways make her feel bad because she thinks I expect too much. To be clear I really don’t expect to see any of my friends alll the time or anything close, I’m busy too, it’s just that here it’s really missing. She is also very avoidant of any kind of open chat as she sees it as confrontation, whereas I feel this is important to resolve anything. Our mutual friend said she has been quite down lately because of everything and I feel bad, but she has said things that hurt me and when I’ve tried to be honest and open in order to resolve things she hasn’t reciprocated that. I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been friends since very early childhood. I know she isn’t a bad person, I just don’t know if we can make it work. We haven’t spoken for about a month now, I was the last to speak. Any ideas?

OP posts:
aubreyii · 21/07/2021 22:09

She might be an arse. She might have ADHD. I was like that in my 20s - diagnosed mid 50s.

Abs1992 · 22/07/2021 07:40

What makes you think ADHD?

OP posts:
CrisisManagement · 22/07/2021 08:37

I'd make it an occasional, casual friendship as she seems unwilling/unable to offer more.

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