Young 13 year old DS and peer pressure

[Urbanhymngirl]

My DS is a young 13, bit of a homebody and would still prefer to be with me than out and about with his mates.

On the flip side, he also doesn’t want to feel left out but his friends are all through puberty so seem older and are doing riskier things like sea swimming that DS doesn’t feel comfortable doing.

I have said to him that maybe it’s about finding a middle ground where he goes along to the beach, has a paddle & then if his mates want to swim; he can go and get an ice cream. He’s getting very upset as he doesn’t feel ready for all of this but also wants to be a part of it if that makes sense.

Aibu to ask how to handle this? In all honesty he would rather be at home with me but he wants to be a part of his mates gang too. It’s so hard!

I’m also not sure about the swimming generally actually! Too risky for 13 year olds unsupervised?

Would he like scouts or cadets? Lots of peers to socialise with, and adventure type stuff but supervised and safe.

The swimming is very risky. There’s a peak in drowning deaths in men in their teenage years and early twenties because they are not always able to evaluate risk effectively, and often overestimate their abilities. I’d be very wary of the swimming personally. It sounds hard for your DS. It won’t harm him to be a bit of a homebody for a couple of years - plenty of time for more teenagers activities when he’s a little bit older. If he wants to stay at home, and is happy with that, I’d let him. He sounds lovely by the way.

Re - the swimming. Our local news has just stated that 5 people (not all kids) have died this week while open water swimming! One was a 15yr old who is still missing from swimming at the local beach. So sad for all concerned. 💔

He's got to make a choice really. Either stay at home or go with them and watch? Or swim but not far out. There's going to be more and more situations like this as he gets older and he has to get comfortable making decisions. 13 isn't that young. I reckon my 9 year old would be up for that if given a chance!

We’ve had a long chat about water safety & he’s going to go along, have a paddle & then have an ice cream if his mates go out deeper. God it’s so bloody tricky- he’d honestly rather just come home I think but wants to hang out with his mates too!

It's a tough stage of development. I think you sound like you are handling it well, with empathy and understanding. I would also add in a bit of praise fir tge way he us working things out in his head, and for being able to think critically and evaluate risk

Sounds like a good plan. Hopefully this will pass as the weather gets cooler and they'll do other activities.

He could always 'forget' his swim shorts if he doesn't want to lose face....

Sounds like a good plan. I agree with a PP who suggested looking for new hobbies as perhaps he’d meet friends who are more similar to him. At the least he would be socialising in a structured way.

It'd be a 'No' to the swimming from me.
Too young to be unsupervised in the sea imo.
He'd be sitting this one out.

No way would I let my 13yo in the sea unsupervised.