Aibu to be annoyed by this.

[JasFlowerr]

My partner and I are getting married in a month, and we were just discussing plans the day before the wedding, or something along those lines, then my partner tells me he has planned a game of golf with all of his friends, along with drinks afterwards. The reason I am annoyed is because I asked him if he was going to come and say good night to his 4 year old son before he went out because he obviously won’t be coming home that night, and he replies a firm no! And then I just thought, what about me, there was no consideration of me at all in his plans. Like he just assumed that I don’t have any plans, or shouldn’t have plans, that I’m taking care of our child while he does as he pleases with his friends. Am I being unreasonable here? My plan was to have our son with me on the morning of the wedding so obviously staying at ours, as well as me staying here, but I didn’t realise that it meant my partner could leave around lunch time and we won’t be seeing him until we’re getting married the next day!

Dh and I would never arrange an activity/outing without checking with each other first. Your partner is treating you as the default parent.

If he is selfish why are you marrying him? It isn't better he will get?

Do you have equal leisure time? You said he had a stag weekend, have you had a hen weekend?

Hmm tough one. I hate the default parent thing too. However in this case you had planned to have your son with you that night and for your stbdh to go out. So if you agreed to that, I think it is a little unreasonable to want him home for dcs bedtime.

I know it's annoying when dc fuss around at bedtime but it's one night. Wouldn't it be better all around to be fine with this plan, and take a few days and nights to yourself as well. Rather than both suffering every day? Make a plan to go away for the weekend maybe, and tell him that's what is happening. Not as a punishment, just because it's good and refreshing to have time with friends or alone.

Irrespective of the wedding, I'd be annoyed that he organised something which meant youd have to stay at home with your son, without checking with me first. Whenever we organise anything like that we always at least check with the other one. Not asking permission but as a courtesy that they weren't planning anything and are ok to to stay in and do the parenting on your own

[quote JasFlowerr]@Highfive2021

It’s difficult, he is very loving, however there has been many incidents of selfishness. He definitely puts his own feelings first, and doesn’t like to here any negativity about himself either, even if he is clearly in the wrong. Possibly not this time in some people’s opinion, however I think it is a wrong thing to do. Totally disregarding my feelings and just going a long with what HE wants to do, never mind the fact he has a family! He’s had a weekend stag do away with the same friends so it’s not like he’s had that time with his friends.[/quote]
Sorry, op, but it's shocking that you're marrying this man. His selfishness is only going to get worse, as is your resentment. As someone who has been very happily married for 25 years, your relationship is never going to make it. Unless you choke it down and are suffocated by misery, that it.

Don't marry this man. He will never, ever change.

@FawnFrenchieMum

Well considering we only live 5 minutes from the golf club, and that he was going at 2 and a game only lasts a couple of hours, I honestly did think he would be back for a couple of hours before going out for the night. Some might see that as unreasonable but because I only found this out this afternoon, and that he’s going straight out after golf without a thought of me or our son.