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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friends or nursery graduation?

30 replies

Notlostjustexploring · 21/07/2021 19:40

In a couple of weeks some close friends are visiting, from a fair distance, with their children for the weekend. However, nursery have booked a "nursery graduation" for the Saturday morning.

Friends visiting has been planned for months, nursery only notified us the beginning of July.

But it is only 2 hours on a Saturday morning.

I'm planning for my son to miss it, and have planned and booked a day out for both families. And he doesn't really understand that it's a "thing" that he's missing, only that it's a party at nursery and when asked he said he'd prefer to play with his visiting friends. And he's still at nursery for another 6 weeks anyway.

So really, I think I'm possibly just feeling misplaced guilt over my son missing his nursery graduation? Or am I? So basically I feel like I need a fresh perspective!!

So:

YANBU: crack on with your day out with friends. Don't worry about it. Nursery graduations are overrated

YABU: You are a terrible mother, how could you even consider having your son miss such a pivotal moment in his life?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 21/07/2021 19:42

Are they staying with you? What time us the nursery party?

Bigoldmachine · 21/07/2021 19:42

Nursery graduations are in my opinion ridiculous. They are definitely for the parents not the kids. He doesn’t know what it is, he most probably won’t get anything out of it so I would sack it off! No need for guilt!

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2021 19:42

I had no idea anyone graduated from nursery. I admit my DC are adults now but when did this become a thing? Shock

YANBU, just crack on with your plans and have a great time.

Wjevtvha · 21/07/2021 19:43

They’re really for the parents in my opinion which I guess is why they’re doing on a Saturday morning so if you’re not worried then your DS won’t be missing out

Original poster
Notlostjustexploring · 21/07/2021 19:46

Yes, they're staying with us. And it's 9.30-11.30, which for the combined gang of small children is really the best part of the day.

I'm usually on the "these things are for the parents" side, but this time the old maternal guilt has well reared it's head!!

OP posts:
MissMissTorrance · 21/07/2021 19:52

I'd probably ask nursery to take a picture of him in his cap and gown for you when he's next in nursery as the 'graduation' day isn't convenient.

Original poster
Notlostjustexploring · 21/07/2021 19:54

MissMissTorrance that's genius, I hadn't actually considered that. They'd definitely do that for us!! Thanks!

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 21/07/2021 19:56

He won't remember it a few years down the line, you will never probably look at photos again. So go have a nice day out with friends

PurpleMustang · 21/07/2021 20:09

@MissMissTorrance

I'd probably ask nursery to take a picture of him in his cap and gown for you when he's next in nursery as the 'graduation' day isn't convenient.
Yes, do this. The 'event' is mostly about the graduation bit. The 2 hours will mostly be to get through all the kids and a bit of fun. Ask the nursery if there is a Plan B as there must be others not able to make it. And what you 'take away' from it is usually the handmade cap he would of made already there and a photo of him in it with a 'gown'. My kids was 10 yrs plus ago but done during the day so no parents there.
insancerre · 21/07/2021 20:12

As someone who has to plan and organise these events ( not through my choice) I say he really won’t miss anything
Go out with your friends and don’t give the graduation another thought

DGFB · 21/07/2021 20:23

Gosh, please don’t insult your friends who are coming a long way to see you by attending this event! Nursery graduations are silly… as know all those who have gone before you (me)

DappledThings · 21/07/2021 20:29

Nursery graduation is a ludicrous idea and I'd be delighted it was on a date DC didn't usually attend so I could get out of it easily.

No way would I be going or feeling the tiniest smidgeon of guilt about it

Original poster
Notlostjustexploring · 21/07/2021 21:35

That's feeling fairly unanimous! Thank you for taking the time to reply - nice to know I'm not heartless!Smile

Just need to find the next parental guilt spiral to fall down now...

OP posts:
Spanielstail · 21/07/2021 22:02

Enjoy the day with your friends and don't feel guilty.

As an aside. I hate putting preschoolers in caps and gowns. They haven't graduated anything. A graduation is something you earn through hard work and exams. Preschoolers just need a little party.

BackforGood · 21/07/2021 22:09

I agree Spaniel

OP I agree with everyone else.
He won't have a clue that is it happening.

Before opening the thread I assumed he was going to be in Nursery, having his graduation, and you were thinking of bogging off with some friends of yours and he was going to be sitting there with a wobbly lip, looking for you in the crowd. For that , you would have been unreasonable Grin but just not taking him to a ceremony in the holidays, which others will also probably miss, is fine.

mindutopia · 21/07/2021 22:09

I would absolutely go to the nursery graduation. Our nursery does a similar thing and it was so lovely for dd. I cried a lot. A really touching send off after 3 years there. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. All the staff shared really nice things about each of the kids and gave them a special photo collage to take away of all their friends. And we got to spend some time with her friends and their parents. It really was genuinely lovely and I'm not keen on these sorts of things at all (I hate nativity plays, for example!).

Your friends will be there all weekend. If it's 2 hours, just meet them for lunch after, you have all weekend.

Nojobforoldmums · 21/07/2021 22:26

My daughter loved her nursery graduation and still talks about it 3 years later, so not necessarily just for the parents.

tttigress · 21/07/2021 22:28

Nursery "graduation" lol

mindutopia · 21/07/2021 22:37

I should add that our nursery graduation was not at all caps and gowns. That's hideous. It was like a leaver's assembly in school. Where all the kids got to be recogonised for lovely things they did and their friends had shared lovely things about them that the staff read out. And they got given a leaving gift and a photo of them and all their friends. It really was one of the most touching things I've ever done with dd (and she's in Y4 in primary school now). I definitely wouldn't miss it with my now 3 year old when his time comes around.

shas19 · 21/07/2021 22:58

I loved ny my sons one the nursery did. They all had little gowns and hats and they had a cake and loads of food. The kids all got pictures and a certificate, it was lovely.

StoneofDestiny · 21/07/2021 23:40

Nursery graduation 😂😂😂

MrsMillhouse · 21/07/2021 23:43

Oh no. How will your child get into a decent primary school if they haven’t even graduated from nursery??!!

Pottedpalm · 21/07/2021 23:44

Go out for the day. Graduation from nursery is naff.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 21/07/2021 23:46

@MissMissTorrance

I'd probably ask nursery to take a picture of him in his cap and gown for you when he's next in nursery as the 'graduation' day isn't convenient.
This ^

What a load of rubbish!!!

You know what, my now teen children survived not having a "graduation" ceremony drim nursery. What poor mites!?!

Enjoy your (better) planned day out surf your visiting friends and family. I can guarantee you'll have FAR more fun!!!

Feather12 · 21/07/2021 23:52

What is achieved at nursery to be able to call it a graduation? It’s just a party isn’t it? I live in the US and here they “graduate” from kindergarten, elementary, middle school etc. But they don’t actually have to achieve anything in order to “graduate”.so it is all a big pile of bollocks really. I would choose the friends over a nursery party!

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